If I told you that the world was too much to handle

That I’m too much to handle

Would you believe every word of it?

I have seen the alphabet

Assault

Battery

Crime

Death

I will stop at death

Because it is the one thing that is inevitable

But it does not stop us from living

It does not stop us from living in the moment

It is the fear that holds us captive

I am afraid of death

Because it is the one thing that is inevitable

What will come after we have seen that light?

The beginning of the end

The beginning of a new life that was not meant for my current self

Do you believe in the afterlife?

Do you believe that we all have a purpose in life?

I do not even know my purpose

I am simply just existing in this world

nowhere to go

No path to follow

No life to live

What is the point of life if you don’t know your purpose?

My purpose is to simply wither away

But I am afraid of death

Because it is the one thing that is inevitable

“That was amazing. You’re amazing,” he said, caressing his hand along my outer thigh.

Turns out sleeping with Edward Batesman, the CEO of Bates Inc., was not the best idea I had. I was stuck working for him, always feeling like I could replace him as CEO of the company.

It also was just pure luck that my last name happened to be Bates.

I placed my hand overtop of his and his fingers suddenly locked in between mine.

“As are you, Mr. Batesman. I didn’t know anything could’ve felt as good as that,” I said, still breathless from the intercourse that we just had.

“Edward. Call me Edward,” a smirk appeared on his face as he looked into my eyes. “I didn’t know you had all of that in you. You’ve always seemed so… professional. It’s really nice to experience the wild side of Lauren Bates.”

My name coming out of his mouth seemed so artificial, as if my name was just a regular word, no significance whatsoever. He still had that smirk on his face, waiting for what I was going to say next. I feel like I’ve been in my own head for too long.

“I find that everybody has a wild side to them. It’s just a matter of discovering what makes them crazy,” I said, and leaned into his lips, making sure there was still some intimacy between us.

He stroked the hair out of my face and smiled against my lips. “I’m glad I discovered what makes you crazy, then,” he whispered into my mouth. Our kiss started growing more passionate and he gently pushed his tongue into my mouth, all while caressing my inner thigh.

I couldn’t do this anymore. Once he was gone, I was next in line for CEO. I pulled away from our kiss. “I’m gonna go pour us some wine. How does that sound?” I looked deep into his eyes, noticing the specks of green and brown. They were so intricate.

He nodded back at me and a smirk arrived on his face again. “Don’t take too long. I’ve got more in store for us.”

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I got up and placed one of his button down shirts over my body. I walked out and downstairs to the kitchen, contemplating my next move.

If I was going to kill him, I had to act quickly. The wine was already sitting out from when we had drank it earlier, the bottle was still cold to the touch. I walked over to my purse that was on the barstool, and grabbed the crushed fentanyl pill I had planned to use in the beginning.

I didn’t place all of it in the wine glass. I still had to make it seem like he overdosed on cocaine he snorted earlier in the evening. I was smart to turn down that offer, drugs are not my cup of tea.

I walked back up the stairs and gave him his wine glass and sat on the bed next to him. I felt like I was waiting an eternity for the drug to take effect. I wanted him out of the picture.

“Are you up for a round two?” He said. God, I hate that smirk he always has on his face.

“I actually should get going pretty soon. We both have work in the morning.” He sat up almost immediately and stared at me intently. Did he know what I was up to?

“That’s okay. Just let me take another drag before I drive you home,” he turned away from me and I rolled my eyes. Just one drag and I’m certain he’ll be done for.

I was right.

I gathered my composure and stood up, putting my original clothes back on and tidying up the scene. I dusted the remaining fentanyl into the pan and formed it into a line with the cocaine. This was all it took for me to become CEO.

The scene looked perfect, and I was just a brisk walk to my loft and then I’d be home free, and awake to a new job position.

The next morning I got a call from the medical examiner. They found him. This was my opportunity.

“May I speak to Lauren Bates?”

“This is she.” A smile appeared on my face. Hopefully they don’t notice it over the phone.

“I need to tell you something, urgently. It’s about your boss.”

Smoke started to creep under the door. It was clouding my vision and my mind. I felt helpless, there was nothing I could do being trapped inside my room. Claustrophobia was sinking in; was this really the end? Was I about to succumb to the flames and let them engulf me? No; I was about to fight for my life.

I looked around, my only choices of escaping were the door and the window. Why did I have to be on the 3rd floor? The door had to be the safest option, as I couldn’t risk breaking any bones from the jump down.

I stood in front of the door, coughing, wheezing, gasping for any clean air that I could find. I glanced at it, heat radiating off of the door knob. I wouldn’t dare touch it with my bare hands. My mind started racing again. Was I ever going to make it out of this room alive? I looked around again, and grabbed my quilt to help me twist the door handle without burning the entire palm of my hand. This task was impossible; the heat from the doorknob had roasted the surface of my quilt, and I couldn’t bare to hold onto the doorknob much longer.

I dropped the quilt and immediately ran to the window. I could see the fire department below, several men were rushing into the apartment building trying to save anyone they could. Would they make it up to me in time? I couldn’t risk being left behind, I grabbed my bedside lamp and started hitting the window with it, watching glass shatter and fall to the ground below me.

The rush of crisp air hit my skin and enveloped me. “Help! I’m up here!” I shouted, tears welling from my eyes. More smoke started to find its way into my room, and I was struggling to find clean air to replace the smoke that was feeding into my lungs.

I watched down below, the fire truck placing itself near my window. This was it! I was going to make it out of this alive!

I spoke far too soon. A loud boom encompassed the whole building, and the floor to my room was slowly disappearing. Another glance down below and the fire marshal was leading everyone out of the building.

This was it. The floor beneath me caved in, and the ceiling was starting to sink above me. The tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I felt a sense of defeat, I was giving up.

My legs felt wobbly, I couldn’t help but fall to my knees. The weight of my body became too much for the floor to handle, and it seemed as if the whole complex caved in the moment I collapsed.

I started falling through the remaining floors, my body feeling like a rag-doll a child didn’t want anything to do with anymore. The rest of the building was deteriorating, burning, and falling around me.

I felt like I never reached the bottom of the apartment building. My soul left my body the minute I started falling through the floors, as if it knew this was the end.

This was it.