Because the blade is never big enough The cut is never deep enough The blood is never red enough To ease the pain

The walls the walls are closing in My lungs my lungs are caving in I can’t I cannot breathe again I really cant do this again

Because the lies are never true enough The voices never knew enough My brain it never grew enough To let them in

No matter what I try to say No matter what I try to do No matter how damn hard I try It’s never quite enough for you

And as I lay me down to sleep It’s all I wanna do is bleed Like I just wanna fall asleep And not wake up

And the needles never sharp enough The drugs are never strong enough These thoughts inside my head are tough And I can’t win

And the doctors never knew enough They simply never do enough And I never went through enough To feel this pain

She is made of beautiful things, She makes my heart fly off on wings.

Her hair, brown sugar cinnamon sweets, Her presence is simply a treat.

Her eyes are like the bluest sky, Her voice, the sweetest lullaby.

Her body, sculpted by the gods, Her smile just leaves me in awe.

She’s everything beautiful in this world. She’s mine, she’s my sweet perfect girl.

I know that you’re asleep, But I just wanted to say; That I simply cannot stand it, That you are so far away.

I know that you’re asleep, But I just want you to know; That every moment we’re apart, Is a time I miss you so.

I know that you’re asleep, But I just want you to hear; That you’re the one I long for, Any time that you aren’t near.

I know that you’re asleep, But I just wanted to share; That even when life’s difficult, You’re still always right there.

I know that you’re asleep. And I wish that I was too.

I know that you’re asleep But I’m not, and I miss you.

I think I became addicted, To the scratching on my skin. And how that skin turns pink and white, When the sharpest edge digs in.

I think I became addicted, To the sight of my own blood. And no matter how deep I go, It’s never deep enough.

I think I became addicted, To the feeling of the slice. When the knife slides back and forth, Oh how I hate that knife.

I think I became addicted, To the feeling of the pain. But it’s never quite enough, To match the pain that’s in my brain.

I think I became addicted, Though I don’t want to admit. Like no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to quit.

Kierra is a girl I know, beautiful and kind.

I think I fell in love with her, I cannot change my mind.

Every single thing she does makes me love her more.

Rarely do I feel this way, but her, I adore.

Radiant light, like the sun, pours out when she smiles.

And I will be right by her side for miles upon miles.

Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her laugh, I wish I could keep it in a photograph.

Her heart, her body, her soul, her mind, I want her, I want her to be mine.

To me she’s like the heaven, Come down to the earth.

To me she is my everythin, And everythin she’s worth.

I miss her like crazy, I love her like mad.

She makes me feel dizzy, Without her I’m sad.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.

But whatever happens, I know I want her to be there too.

If loving you was a crime, I’d be a guilty man.

And if you knew just who I was, You’d leave while you still can.

If being with you didn’t feel so right, It wouldn’t change the plan.

And if I wasn’t so afraid, Maybe I’d hold your hand.

I want to write a book, but I’m scared I can’t do well. I want to right a book, but who’s story do I tell? Do I write of love and fairytales? Or a tragic combat where the hero fails? My story or theirs? This plot or that one? As hard as I try, I can’t make it fun. I can’t find the story that I’m meant to write, something within me knows it’s not right. I want to write a book but I’m scared what it may show, about this uncertain kid who nobody knows.

March 11, 2022

Friendship is a construct. Freedom is a lie. Fires burn whatever’s in their path. Folktales someday die.

Apples fall so far from the tree. A parent is a myth. ‘Always’ is a made up word. Actually, every word is.

Kings and queens fall. Keys are hidden far beneath. Knifes are plunged into chests. Killers get away scot-free.

Everything is stupid. Elves drown in lakes. Endings happen every day. Everyone is fake.

The world that keeps on teaching lies. Star crossed lovers, maybe spies.

Sweet nothings whispered, lullabies. Love and hate, they seem to rhyme.

I read the words the authors wrote. Stories that will fuel my hopes.

Enemies to lovers tropes. Tying up my heart with ropes.

Teaching me that love is toxic. God it makes me feel moronic.

What is love? And what’s platonic?

If you’re the song, then I’m the singer. Your words send me through the ringer.

You had me wrapped around your finger. Same one you used to pull the trigger.