I told him he’d always find me at the lighthouse every January 12th.
So we saw each other there for many years, talking endlessly about our lives outside that lighthouse.
We constantly felt lost in our worlds but that lighthouse shined so bright that it was always able to pull us back in, into a realm of love and never ending happiness.
I can’t sleep, And you’d think under quarantine this would be easy.
But I’ve eaten so many Cheez Its, You can store me and age me, until I turn into Gouda.
Hulu and Netflix are my significant others. I’ve seen everything they’ve offered me. And they’ve seen me at my worst.
This can’t be all of 2020.
And I never thought I’d say this but...
Oh how I long to hug a human being.
I’m tired of all this swoosh and swirl. This wind doesn’t care that I even exist.
It brushed me off my tree, And then pushed me off to random places. Some places are lovely and others are honestly scary.
I swooped through wheels of cars, got caught up on wired fences, Bathed in muddy puddles.
By chance I made some leaf friends. We swirled together in a tornado. Moving specks of dirt as we moved.
It wasn’t long before I was on my own again. The wind likes to push us apart.
Enjoy the little moments. Sounds cliche but it’s the honest truth.
Time passes and things change so often it’s emotionally exhausting.
You’ll find that taking care of others comes so easily for you, But in the end all you got is you and if you are not okay, then no one is okay.
I know that there are times where we look into a mirror, And all our insecurities flutter to the surface. Look at them, know their there, but don’t think that’s all of us in there.
You’re lovable, able to love, and immensely kind with your words. I am so lucky to have you and don’t ever stop being you.
Sincerely, Future Me
We kept our hands in our pockets for so long, my love. I’ve become bruised of all the fights I’ve had with dear old boredom.
How about we take the next train out this silly old town? See the lights and sunsets in big or small cities.
We can drink beer in London, morning tea and breakfast biscuits.
Or be knights in shiny armor pacing through the greenest hills of my sweet sweet Ireland.
Perhaps, dive off clips, holding hands, in Honolulu.
We’ll go anywhere, with our bruised passports in our hands. No more hands in our pockets, No more fighting dear old boredom. Just you and I, so...
Where shall we go, my love?
Im counting every single cloud in the sky. In hopes that I’ll catch a glimpse of your smile.
You’ve been gone for so long, I fear through time, I might forget something about you.
Your voice, your laugh, your hands.
“Time will heal”, so they say, this aching heart. But in the end, This life is nowhere near, To the life where you still could’ve been here.
Don’t think I don’t think, One last bit, How much I can’t think, Without thinking about you.
These last thousand nights, I’ve spent talking to the moon, In hopes that she’ll see you sooner, then I’ll ever get to.
That night we didn’t say much, In fear that we’d say something way too soon.
Ten years have passed, and I’m still feeling blue. Every day feels like a thousand nights. A thousand nights that I haven’t said “I love you”.
The sun shines and it feels explosive Red roses are blooming And I’m still leaning in to see you.
All this time I’ve wanted you. But the red rose are saying no to me. “It’s not yours to be yours.”
Someday all these flowers will stop speaking to me and I’ll run straight into your arms.
But for now I hate all these red roses.
Just when the cloudy sky was clearing And the flowers were blooming. Grandma flew away to her open gates of heaven.
Then.
Summer sizzled, people I knew went on vacation. I knew nothing but my routine for hospital visits. I grew angry and angrier at all the doctors who repeatedly voiced, “He won’t make it. There’s nothing else to do.”
On Oct 1st the leaves were already fallin’ The sky was grey for all that rain that fell the night before. Holding his hand for many hours, listening to all the hits he played on our car trips to see grandma. I said goodbye to my father..
There were many nights I could not comfort my broken heart, So I stayed in bed as the sun rose and fell once again.
Still mending it, As the year has come to an end.
