“do or

do not,

there is no

try”

i guess making

us work is just

failing miserably

not trying that

means i’m doing

nothing??

if only

i

could

try...

people chatter

around me about

insignificant topics

the weather and

whatnot

and mother says

to join them

and take my

brother too

but i would rather

sit quietly

in this corner and

leave this world through

my book

because social

interaction is something

i’m not inclined

to participate

in

because if i

do i’ll

wake up tomorrow

more tired than

when i went to

sleep and

a headache will

pound within my

sk...

when i look

into the darkness

in my mind and soul

it shows me

exactly who i

am:

black tears drip

from bloodshot eyes

and goosebumps cover

a frail body

and anxiety makes these

fingers shake

and shadows dip beneath

my eyes

for i am too afraid

to sleep

but if i look into the light

what i see instead

is nothing,

nothing at all...

anxiety resides

deep within the cells

of my brain

it is part of

my every day

my every moment

my every step

thought

breath

beat

of my heart

but then i step into

a fog of sorts

where nobody knows

me and i’m free

(jumping over rainbows

and unicorns,

you know the

sort)

because i am

nothing within

the molecules of

perspiration

and although

fog is followed

by rain,

storms mean to

me only that

nature ...

“what do you

think?”

people will ask

me because

i’m not involved,

a third party of

sorts neither

their side or the

other

just there

and sometimes it

hurts that

i am only an

opinion

they seek and not

a human to

involve

but i’ve come to

terms with this

party of mine

after all i’m

not the only one

i have friends in

the third party

but they all get

to be part of

something at

some point

when i

do

not...

My dearest love,

is it just me or is

love just a pit

in your chest?

empty and ugly and dark

no feeling just

numb?

OoOoO

My dear lover,

my love for you

is a blossom in the spring

color and vibrant

decorate my heart

where it was once red

is now ecstasy as

a color

OoOoO

My dearest love,

if only i could feel

what you feel for

it sound wonderful

in a way i’ve never

experienced! though

i never felt...

“don’t speak

like that to

your brother”

but if he said

what i said

wouldn’t you

laugh?

and when he

doesn’t listen as

fast as he should,

you simply

give him time

but i

must

be immediate

and i

must

be

perfect

and when

i can’t be

i am not favored

and when

i can

you favor

him?

and perfection

is the goal

but perfection

is the myth,

and while

lacking a favorite

is the goal

that is like wise

the myth...

when there is

no control left

in this world

i’ll turn to my

craft

where i am

in control

of every aspect

of this art

from how much to use

and what to make

it’s all

up to me

so when there

is nothing left to

control, i’ll live in

each piece

peacefully

and the need

to control

will no longer

be...

if i were

a piece of

blank paper

i wouldn’t be

blank

because everyone

has signed their name

large across

my heart

so that i’ll

never

forget what they

did to me

though it doesn’t end

there

they had to

take one step farther

across the line

and write their

names with knives

and blood...

when i die

my coffin

won’t be nailed shut,

instead

it will be tied

with the shoelaces of all

who’ve walked over me.

those threads of others

decompose with

my own body,

a body that has

worms in my decaying lungs

and beetles in my eyes,

until myself

and those laces of others

are indistinguishable

from that of the ground

bugs

dirt

blood,

that of the ground and

coffin i lie in

six feet under...