Her wits were no match to my blade. My cutting-edge tongue weighed heavily on her mind and stayed. “Please.” She begged, she prayed. Tears fall down her cheeks; she’s afraid. Her eyes skitter like a raid but I won’t be swayed. This is the last time she gets to evade my love; I feel fucking betrayed. I’m rattled, I can’t believe I’ve been played for the past decade.
The sheets rustle as she lifts, a little swayed, and sits up looking like a mermaid. “Why are you doing this?” She said, dismayed. I swear I saw her throw me some shade. That bitch thinks she’s made a downgrade. “You know why, Jade.” Her eyes flash to my switchblade then to the exit but I quickly become a blockade. She rushes to her feet, to escape this stockade but I’m too quick, too angry and I invade. Then her blood coats my hands. Like marinade.
I feel a strange, tightening sensation around my torso. The constriction is almost suffocating. Before I look down to see what it is that’s restricting my breathing, I take in the colossal, ornate room that I’ve found myself in. The extravagant, brass chandelier, with burning candles in each groove, hovers above me and the tall, intimidating fireplace growls with a fire. The long table that stretches across the room makes me feel tiny. “Emma.” A voice pierces my reverie and I’m reminded of my confined chest. “Emma, you will address your father with dignity and respect. Your impish behaviour is uncouth and must end now.” I look to the woman beside me, her eyes flaring with anger and indignation, and my skin prickles with cold and, weirdly, damp. “Wha- excuse me?” Despite my confusion, I managed to stealthily correct my manners. This woman, with a stone-set mouth, brows firmly narrowed and a stare that would kill the fire cold, was clearly not a woman to vex. With another flash of stealthiness, I lowered my head in shame, and gazed down to finally see what was constricting me so. A bodice of some sort. What the-? The first voice - a man, I now realise with a bit more clarity in my mind - spoke up. “Edward will be visiting for supper in two days time. If you were listening the first time instead of daydreaming and being away with the fairies, you would’ve heard me that he is to ask your hand in marriage.” “You are to agree, Emma. No more fanciful trickery or intimidating mockery of the eligible men that proclaim to be your husband.” The woman scornfully added. I gaped. What?! Where the fuck am I? Have I time-travelled? Am I dreaming? I’m dreaming; it’s just a nightmare. It feels so real though. It’s getting harder to breathe and I’m already breathless wearing this forsaken garment. But I reign in my panic quickly. Clearly these two unhinged people are oblivious to my abrupt and unfathomable arrival in this demented era. And who was Emma? Their daughter, perhaps? I feel sorry for her, if she is. A scornful mother whose frown would scare off a pack of wolves and a father who is willing to marry her off to just anyone? Nah, mate.
I’ve got to back home. My era. I sit taller, rivalling the mother’s ruler-straight back. Honestly, if you placed her up against the wall, there’d be no gap between the two.
I timidly cleared my throat. This is where all my acting skills I’ve developed through the classes will shine through. “Yes, father.” My voice barely a squeak.
“Father?” The mother’s brows deepened, almost hanging over her eyes.
“Papa.” I reflected.
The mother growled, narrowing her eyes to barely slits. “You’re acting rather strangely, today, Emma. More so than usual, and that’s saying something. All the time you spend in the woods is clearly filling your head with nonsense and odd behaviour.”
The silence that followed the berating and belittling was louder than the pulse thrumming in my temples.
“You are to go to your room this instant. You shall not have supper this evening.” She said and then added. “And you are to continue with your needlework until the staff have retreated for the night. You may take an extra candelabra in order to see.”
What. The. Fuck? There’s no need to act now, I’m scared as shit.
Not knowing which way to exit this oppressive room, I stood slowly, trying to use my peripheral vision to spot which door is the main one. My hands firmly on the cold wooden table, hoping it would hide the tremors, I look at each of them and with the words lodged in my throat I managed an apology.
Ah, big mistake. Their eyebrows rose higher than my voice. It appears Emma is not so versed in apologising to her parents. So without another word, I took a chance and bolted for the double doors to my right. The bodice - the corset or whatever it is - seemed to sag a little, for I could breathe a little easier after escaping that madness.
The empty foyer made for a winning ticket to leave this place. I cringed as my loud and heavy footsteps bounced off the walls and the high ceiling as I approached the main doors to this prison of this house. I stopped short though because this blasted corset needs to come off and it needs to come off now - I can’t stand it any longer. I claw at the front, at the back, on the sides and nothing helps with loosening or untying the straps.
“Emma! What in the blazin’ ‘ells are yer doing?”
My heavy skirts swirled and curled around my legs as I spun to see where the voice was coming from. A rotund woman in a maids or servants outfit gawked at me waiting for an answer. I stuttered as I reached for a lie.
“I… I have an itch that I can’t quite reach. I was hoping to remove it so I can get to it easily.”
She strides towards me, cheeks wobbling like jelly as she shakes her head vigorously. “You’ll have yer ears off if yer mother catches you behavin’ like that! That’s no way for a lady to act, Emma, darlin’.” She adds a tut for extra emphasis whilst loosening the straps on my back, her fingers working like chubby spider legs weaving a complicated web. “Nah, then.” The woman steps back as if to see me more clearly. “I’ve been told you ain’t to have any supper, and that you must be in yer room for the rest of the night.” She narrowed her eyes at me and finished with accusation, “so why did you look like you were not only itching to get that itch off yer back, but itching to leave this house at this hour?”
Shit. Looks like I’m staying here for a while.
With her blood-like hues, the moon marks the sky tonight, and with gratitude I accept her invite. I take three deep breaths, release my mental fight, and let go of my negative blight. The moon’s red passion is now at full height and she and I magically unite. Our fiery flames combine, fuelling my appetite For calm and reflective insight. My incantations are answered without slight, and her crimson gaze shines down on me with delight. I relish in her selflessness with all my might! To compensate her generosity, I dance under her light. And with her celestial glow, we’re both spectacularly bright.
We sit down in our usual place Our backs to the wide, old tree Overlooking our town of 12 years. The grass tickles the space Between our toes - shoes discarded. Our knees drawn up In a mirrored image Breathing in the earthy hill And finding comfort in birdsong And each other It’s easy being your friend To be almost as one I find myself staring At your magnificent profile Your thick hair - the colours shining From the glistening sun Shades of walnut, caramel and biscotti — your favourite biscuit Your eyes: a darker shade of mocha How can one person make Me feel so complete and lucky Is beyond my comprehension Then I feel it, the fluttering In my chest - the fear Of losing you forever My jaw feels tight but I push The words out “Hey…” And you look in my direction Look deeply into my eyes - which are not as grand as yours - And I say, with a thick cloth in my throat “When you said you’ll be my friend Forever” I swallow, trying to dislodge the fear “Did you ever mean it?” “Once, yes. But only once.” I falter at what you’ve said and you see it, too So you take my hand, which is just as warm As the warmth in your eyes and smile, And you say, “I only needed to say it once because It’s a promise I’ll keep forever”
colour envelopes me featherlight plastic strikes me yet I’m struck with harder material of which is solid and real. it won’t melt under heat it won’t deflate with a puncture it is concrete, incessant forever I stare at my little one teething on the malleable germ-riddled sphere and wonder if I’m capable of cutting through my doubt; tossing aside the worry; overcoming the brutal avalanche of fear. and be the perfect parent for my perfect child.
If only time stood still and time was on my side and days weren’t rushed
if only I listened I had the chance to change to prove myself and others
I would recall my steps appreciate everything see things with clarity
open my eyes wider and steady my gaze rewind the moments
I did not see them at all I was too swaddled in my world let me rewind
please let me try again I want to go backwards
(PS: this can be read backwards, too)
A text followed by a knowing gif A hug that lasts one second or ten Tears from laughter Tears from sadness Pain, happiness and anger felt equally
A combination that only two knows A bond fused, entwined and glued Unable to untether. Memories shared And experiences never forgotten
Inexplicable sisterhood from day one Proof that water is better than blood But I’ll never know that Never had it in life It’s a fabrication of my lonely existence.
Hovering fingers above delectable chocolate Choosing the one that will serve my palate Devouring it whole; there is no etiquette Tantalising liquid centre, bleeding like a zit
Mouth empty, I choose my next one Index finger pointed, like a handgun The binge has only just begun I’ll ravage them ‘til the midnight sun
The habit I’ll return to many, many times I’m spoilt for choice: there are numerous kinds! Dear soul, please read between the lines Your lives are forever in my hands