The terrible rut I’ve been in is just a symptom of the life I’ve lead.

The life I’ve lived has been torturous and euphoric and stagnant and chaotic and confusing and lucky and tragic and repulsive and unlucky and so many fucking things. The life I’ve lived has been awesome. That’s right. Awesome. Not like “radical or cool or wonderful. Worthy of awe.

I can’t turn my life around on ...

I smile at him and stumble exaggeratedly. I slyly take a photo of the license plate as I pass, because there’s no way I’ll be able to remember it right now. I light a cigarette and once I’m out of view of the van I start running. I see a dumpster and crouch behind it. With the police on speaker I ding the photo of the license plate and tell them everything. After that, I keep wandering so as to no...