“Why are we here, boss?” Cano asks, his voice steady, despite a slight flex in his aluminum.
“Yeah, Bottie wants to know too,” says Bottie, the hulking leader of the Bottle Caps. She leans casually against the doorframe, her green plastic glinting faintly under the fluorescent lights.
“Bottie,” Mr. Glass snaps from his seat at the head of the table, “shut the door, and for carbonation’s sake, stop referring to yourself in the third person. It’s insufferable.”
With a grumble, Bottie bumps the door shut with her two-liter bulk. The heavy thunk seals them in the conference fridge.
Shorty, a clear plastic twelve-ounce bottle with faint ridges, chuckles from his spot near Mr. Glass. “I agree with the boss. Maybe if you weren’t so full of hot air, we’d actually get this meeting started.”
“Oh, you wanna go, little man?” Bottie boils, straightening up to tower over him. “Bottie’ll pop your cap off.”
“Enough!” Mr. Glass’s voice rings out, silencing them. The huge neon white “Obey Your Thirst” sign behind him flickers briefly. He takes a moment to calm his bubbles, then says, “We’re not here for petty bickering. There’s a bigger problem. A spy has infiltrated our shelves.”
Everyone stiffens, the white mist falling from the vents above the only sound as Mr. Glass leans forward. “There’s been… an incident. Bullet, the recently stocked leader of the Mini Cans, has been recycled.”
Bottie jolts, her plastic sides crinkling faintly. She tries to play it off, but Shorty notices, his sharp eyes narrow. “Something to say, Bottie?”
“Gas,” she says brusquely, shifting in place.
Mr. Glass’s gaze lingers on her before continuing. He holds up a crumpled Sprite Zero label, torn and scrawled with faint handwriting. “This was found in his case.”
_The leader of the classic tin committed a sin to take down our beloved Sprite from within._
All eyes turn to Cano. “Oh, come now,” Cano smirks, his dented frame refracting the lights in the heavy air. “We’re all supposed to believe I’m guilty because of a clever rhyme?”
“Bottie’s not convinced. Prove it, Can-o,” Bottie mocks, dragging out his name and stepping closer. “Pop your top!”
Cano hesitates, but Mr. Glass’s smooth voice cuts in. “You want us to trust you, don’t you?” The white mist intensifies as Cano considers his options.
With a reluctant hiss, Cano pierces his tab, releasing a spray of carbonation. Bottie leans in to sniff cautiously. “Lemon and lime,” she admits grudgingly.
Attention shifts to Bottie and Shorty, and they pop their green caps after a clink from the boss. As Cano checks the air, his eagle eyes notice an air bubble in Mr. Glass’s label.
“What about you, Glass?” Cano demands. “Did you plant that label?”
Mr. Glass tilts back slightly, his green surface gleaming. “That’s ridiculous. The note clearly implicates—”
“Me!” Cano interrupts. “Yeah, I’m not buying your artificial flavoring. Let’s see what’s under that yellow cap of yours.”
Suddenly, the minty white fog transforms to a tangy green and white. Mr. Glass looks up, eyes narrowing in surprise.
Cano seizes the moment. He lunges at Mr. Glass, his bruised body belying his sprite-liness. However, before he can pry off his cap, Bottie, head of Sprite security, rams into him, sending him clattering against the green-and-yellow-themed wall. Somehow, despite the impact, Cano doesn’t spill a drop.
As Mr. Glass composes himself, Shorty spots something beneath Mr. Glass’s label. “Hold up, Bottie. Green’s got another label—it ends… R E E N.”
Cano’s voice hardens. “Sprite Green!”
Bottie and Shorty release bubbles in unison as Cano speaks. “But you were discontinued years ago. I heard no one liked your Stevia aftertaste.”
Mr. Glass straightens, his voice turning venomous. “You’re right. My kind was replaced, recycled,… forgotten. But I survived. And now, I’m going to rebuild the shelves. Sprite Green will become Green Max, and I will take my rightful place on the top shelf, while the rest of you will be nothing but empty husks.”
Mr. Glass continues, laughing maniacally, “What can I say? I’ve got a thirst for vengeance, and I just have to obey,” twisting the meaning of the famous slogan.
Bottie stomps toward him, but halfway there, she stumbles. Her plastic sides crinkle violently, her carbonation bubbling out of control. “Shorty…” she gasps.
“Bottie, what’s wrong!” Shorty leaps to her side, his small frame trembling as he tries to steady her. “Don’t you dare go flat on me,” he says, his voice popping.
Bottie’s voice is faint. “Shorty… you’re my soulcap. You always have—” Her contents erupt before she can finish, bathing the room in her natural flavors. She falls still. Shorty tries to yell, but instead shakes until his own carbonation bursts upward. He collapses beside her.
Mr. Glass watches, triumphant. “Beautiful,” he says with a smirk.
Cano staggers forward, his aluminum frame creaking. “The mist… you laced it,” he says weakly. “Mentos.” It was not a question.
Mr. Glass nods, impressed. “Quite effervescent of you, Cano. Yes, my formula combines the Freshmaker, antifreeze, and a coagulant to trigger the reaction when it interacts with your sorry excuse for Sprite. I call it the Fresh… taker.” Laughing at his own joke, he leans closer to Cano. “And the note? That _was_ me. How else could I get you to open that fresh can of yours?” He studies Cano, grinning. “Not looking so fresh now, are we?”
Cano fizzes and pops, trying desperately to hold his bubbles. Then, with a final gurgle, Cano’s pressurized contents burst free, launching a geyser into the air and leaving him an empty can.
“Mmm, refreshing!,” Mr. Glass grins, his voice dripping with satisfaction while he surveys the scene. “The factions will have no choice but to follow me now. The shelves will be mine!” His voice echoes in the foggy chamber.
As he turns to leave, deftly avoiding a puddle of Sprite, a voice calls out. “Stop right there, Glass!”
He spins, his glass bottle barely able to see clearly in the fog. “Who’s there? Show your container.”
Cano’s can rolls toward him. It vibrates fiercely before splitting in two. From the wreckage, a smaller can emerges like a Matryoshka doll, gleaming in the foggy light.
It stands upright.
“Detective Carbo at your service,” he announces. “And the only place you’re headed is The Crate.”
Glass sneers but freezes when he sees Carbo. “No! No, it’s impossible. You were recycled. I saw you get crushed—”
“A decoy, Glass. Fresh off the assembly line.” interrupts Carbo, coolly.
Their conversation is interrupted by a loud bang as five Mini Cans burst into the room. Together, they close in, subduing Mr. Glass by locking him into the open middle ring of their plastic six-pack yoke. He struggles, but it’s useless.
“You’ll regret this!” he fizzes.
“Not likely,” Carbo replies crisply. “You’re going on ice for a long, long time. Take him away.”
As the Mini Cans drag Mr. Glass away, Carbo turns toward Shorty’s bottle.
“Huh? What? How am I still carbonated?” stirs Shorty, faintly.
“Fish oil,” Carbo explains. “That was the green mist you saw coming through the vents. It was to lessen the reaction from the Mentos.”
Slowly, Bottie’s carbonation returns as well, her eyes fluttering open. “Bullet…” she whispers, relief washing over her as she recognizes Carbo.
“You’re Bullet?” Shorty asks, eyes wide.
“Yes. That was my undercover identity. I’m with the SBI. We’ve been on Glass’s case for some time. And before you ask, I met Bottie in the security archive months ago. She’s been a great help.”
“SBI?” Shorty coughs.
“Sprite Bureau of Investigation. Listen, Shorty. Your lady-bottle nearly went caffeinated, but she’ll recover. For now, you’ll have to be fizzy enough for the both of you. Even if that’s a tall order,” Carbo says with a wink.
Shorty condensates, both embarrassed and relieved. “Funny. Wait, she’s not my—”
Before he can finish, the “Obey Your Thirst” sign crashes to the floor, flickering for the last time. Bottie makes a faint pop, and Shorty rushes to check on her. They stare at each other for a long moment before trading condensation. Carbo smiles and looks away to give them privacy.
“You’re welcome, Shorty. Get some rest,” he whispers under his tab as he leaves the fridge, glad he prevented another case from going cold.
Case closed.