The air is thick, but I can’t stop moving now. I’ve already made it this far. But more importantly, I made a promise… The stones are piercing into my bare feet. I’m unsure of whether or not the water on my face is from the dewy air or the moisture leaving my body. Every now and then I step into the grass, hoping for a moment on relief. Each time, I am remided that the grass is worse than the stone. It’s sharper, harsher, stiffer. I keep going. I keep breathing. Slow inhale, slow exhale. I listen to my heartbeat, and slow it down when the thumping becomes too fast. The adrenaline coursing through my body overpowers the fear.
I know that once I reach the end of this path, it’s over. She’s gone. I will have completed my promise to her and she will no longer be with me. She asked me to spread her ashes at the end of the trail we met on. I’ve done everything I could to postpone the inevitable. I ran the path barefoot to slow my pace. I didn’t bring my inhaler to force myself to take slow strides. I ran through the night, so it was harder to see the path. But everything that you start eventually has an end. No matter how long you prolong it. It all ends. Your relationship. Your life. Your time. That’s what happened to Ellie. She ran out of time. Just like I am right now. I’m not ready to let her go. I’m not ready to say good bye forever. If I believed in a God and the afterlife, I would end it all right now. I would join her. But that isn’t real. What’s real is my love for her, and even though she’s gone, I will carry her with me, always. Even after I reach the end and say my goodbyes, her smile, her laugh, the twinkle in her eyes, they will forever live on inside of me.
I may have lost half of me the day she died, but I will hold on to the other half, becuase that is the only way to keep her alive. I won’t let the world forget her. I love you. That’s my final thought, before I reach the end of the trail. _I love you. _That’s the last thing I say before I spread her ashes. That’s all that needs to be said. Everything else, she already knows.