I am just trying to write more often. If my pieces don’t make any sense i apologize. I don’t have sufficient time to give full context of my preexisting characters
I am just trying to write more often. If my pieces don’t make any sense i apologize. I don’t have sufficient time to give full context of my preexisting characters
Walking along the paths that we take during this life always seem like the most difficult of roads. Always the rockiest, most overgrown, unwelcoming and even deadly trails we could ever seem to take. Thus we begin to, as every human does, backtrack. It keeps us safer we assume. It keeps us comfortable knowing we can simply put one heel down firmly turn on it and begin walking the other way. Hence going backwards in our journey. Never progressing to true self accomplishment. I think if we all realized this one simple thing about going along these treacherous paths is that simply, we need only to walk backward except still towards the goal. Plant your heel firmly and turn on it just like we usually do, except, make sure to keep your eyes behind and your body going backwards. It’s an analogy for what I believe to be a great practice. Keep progressing, while always keeping where you have come from, your origin, in the mind’s eye. It’s very important to keep bad habits like conpsrason of yourself to other people out of the picture because it puts your past self and past mistakes in the forefront of your mind so all you can compare to is that.
I apologize it’s not a poem I simply cannot write a lick of poetry, but here’s this rambling tangent of an essay as one might call it.
I could sense the hesitation in Tsuki’s figure even from yards away. It looked as if his whole body was crinkling up in some type of paper ball that was ready to be tossed at the nearest classmate you hated in primary school. I wanted to run over and encourage him to step away from the fire and into the snow, perhaps even start a snow war with him, but fear held me back. Everything had been so different since we’d been separated for years, and now that we’ve been reunited it’s been awesome, but I can’t say it’s all happy sunshine and rainbows. Honestly it’s mostly awkward glances and anxious fidgeting. I trip over my words so much more now talking with him and not to mention how scared it makes me to even think of touching him. He feels like a piece of my great grandmothers china that I have never even seen since my mom had always been so strict with keeping the china cabinet shut. Finally I took up whatever balls I had left and started to slowly make my way toward him, trudging crunchily all the while in the padded snow forest floor. “Tsu!!” I must’ve brought him out of something because he nearly jumped four feet in the air. “Oh! my! shit!” He clutched wherever his heart lay underneath the thousands of layers he must’ve had on. He reacted so fast it sounded more like “oh-mom-is-shit” which kinda made me smile. “Sorry~” I held my mittons in the air. “I’ll slowly speak next time or smth” He furrowed his brow, looking away from me as soon as I made eye contact. “No it’s not your fault I’m just…” he trailed of saying something I couldn’t hear over my own crunchy footsteps as I was still slowly approaching him. I took a gamble and followed my gut with this hunch. “Is it Dalli?” He looked momentarily surprised before he nodded slowly descending deeper into his scarf. “I can’t shake the feeling he’s still hanging around. Like he never fully went into slumber.” At this point I was basically standing next to him. I took two more steps and did what I had been afraid to even think about doing for weeks. I touched him. Placing a hand on his shoulder I felt his body tense up for a second, but as soon as I spoke he softened. “Even if he is still conscious- would that be too much for you to handle? You’ve made it through way worse. Plus I tought Dalli said if they woke up they would be less domineering or something along those lines.” Tsuki’s eyes glinted, and he finally turned to make eye contact. “I just wish he would leave. I wish I could make him.” I felt the hope I had for Tsu’s recovery process dwindle. “He did mention that he can’t. And that he’s tried to leave.” Tsu’s face tightened. “It really seems like you’re so quick to defend this guy.” Before my open mouth could get a word out. “-And do you really believe him? Or anything he ever says?” I took my hand off his shoulder, maybe too abruptly because he shifted his weight surprisedly. “Listen Tsu, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that, I just wanted to make sure we have all the information and are on the same page-“ “Isn’t that what your mom said to you everytime you would try to talk about your dad?? Seele, you’re being what you hate right now but you can’t even see that.” “I understand where my mom was coming from now it’s different I was wrong-“ “Okay so yes, we have all this information now but what am I supposed to do with it??? I can’t fix anything and neither can anyone else. Hell, I can’t even properly end my own life without Dalli thinking he’s part of it and stopping me.” My gut clenched and I could see the immediate regret in his eyes burn almost into tears. He hadn’t meant to say that. Ever.
