I am afraid of crying in public I am afraid of thunderstorms And that I am a bad teacher I am afraid of my own voice when I yell I am afraid of the dark Because in it I can see all my flaws I am afraid of being stuck In some suffocating space Like the crevice of a rock Or with an unfaithful lover I am afraid of the way hospitals smell I am afraid of my own heart Because it is glass I am afraid of this pit in my stomach Acid eating me from the inside I am afraid of burning, decaying flesh Spiders building webs in the sockets of my eyes I am afraid of true love Slipping through my fingers Because I ran out of time
Am I so wrong for weeping In the times you are away? I can only love you deeply Never any other way
In nightmares I have lost you And when I wake I fear They have become reality Because you are not near
I know we’ll be united Post this agonizing night But though dark is not eternal It makes us forget the light
So in moments my strength fails me I cry out to skies of gray Am I so wrong for weeping In the times you are away?
“Who is that there?” I pause, my eyes locked on the mirror The face inside of it is new She is fresh with an unfamiliar warmth That bleeds from the corners Of shimmering eyes Into the blaze of a genuine smile
And there I saw beauty In each crease and crevice of her skin There was a gentle power in her hands And resplendent wisdom In shoulders That too often carried boulders But for once, Were at ease
And I recognized the blushing Of my own rose-kissed cheeks in hers As she remembered who she used to be I whisper to her “Welcome home”
In the vastness of the cosmos Out where moonbeams never shone I drifted, but a snuffed out star In dimness, left alone
Without a fire to guide me I pawed through asteroid dust Grasping for another star On whose light I could trust
How quickly other lights had fled On seeing my estate No comfort for a blackened star That miserable ingrate
But there was one who ventured To step nearer to my mark Who saw brilliance in a sullen star And so became my spark
When around was desolation It was then he held me near Igniting something in that star Effacing all her fears
And slowly, although painful As that spark shone in the night I noticed deep within, my star Was filling up with light
So I held him ever closer Willing never to let go Until the light from spark to star Penetrated the cosmos
Though we both once walked in shadows Now we balk at talk of dark And the heavens laud the stories Of sweet Starlight and her Spark ✨
Can I kiss you Platonically? I promise, just as friends It will only take a second You’ll forget it when it ends I only want to tell you In the best way I know how You make my world seem brighter And I need you in it now You’re the piece of me that’s missing You’re my flashlight in the dark You turn weeping into laughter You’re a neverending spark I can call myself a poet But I’ll never have the words To tell you how you make me feel So happy, it’s absurd The only thing I want Is you beside me til life ends And I mean that all platonically I promise….. …..just as friends
There is a black hole inside of my chest He cannot see it, perhaps for the best I am so unworthy of all of his light Can a sunbeam ever love the Queen of the Night?
I’m damaged beyond what I want him to know The achings I live with do nothing but grow He’d vanish at once in the very hour That the Queen of the Night showed the whole of her power
I am the serpent, disguised as a dove Bringing nothing but pain where I’m meaning to love If he’s wise, he will choose this moment to take flight Rather than be destroyed by the Queen of the Night
I’m singing a duet, solo Making up your part as I go I can be a tenor if I try To picture you behind my soprano
I’m singing a duet, solo Registering both high and low As seamless as if you were here Tickling black and white on the piano
I’m singing a duet, solo Creating notes no one yet knows Wishing I had a partner to sing with So my duet wouldn’t feel so alone
Holding my breath til my face turns blue Afraid that if I let go, you will too This must be some fictitious work of mine That landed me with something unbelievably divine
I am a beetle scuttling in the dark When the room is engulfed by the light of a spark But though full of joy from the warmth that I feel I am so overwhelmed, i don’t know if it’s real
I want to believe there could possibly be A person hand-crafted for someone like me It may be a mirage, or a shadow in snow But for now I’ll be sure not to let that spark go
I like counting the stars on my ceiling Creating constellations unheard of Between cresting eagles And strokes of silver wind, I’ve connected avenues into A place where I’d like to live
I gathered you out of stardust Built you in the workshop of my room Plastering you in the sky To fly beside me And it is glorious, how those two swim Through a sea of stars on my ceiling Their hands interlocked
But mine are empty
Down on the earth With my head on my pillow Aimlessly Stretching out my arms to Unreachable Constellations
It’s fine when you’re thirteen Writing hearts around his name Feeling seasick as he walks by You have to force yourself to breath When you hear his voice Cause it makes you want to lay down and die Pen these long journal entries about him How you’ll be married when you’re both old And though you barely ever talk You’re almost semi-quasi stalking him Which is fine! You’re only thirteen years old
But yet you’re not A decade’s passed And though you thought You’d “crushed” your last You find your heart back in your shoes Where it always used to be The only problem is that this time You’ve just turned twenty-three
