'Open your eyes, Theodora.’ Her eyes twitched beneath eyelids, her chest rose as she took a deep breath in and she flexed her stiff hands and feet as if she hadn’t moved in years. She was lying on something extremely comfortable, it felt like a cloud of wool, her fingers stretched out and felt the material. A breeze tickled her cheeks and she took another deep breath, smelling fresh air and a hint of vanilla. Theo sighed as the corner of her mouth lifted, she felt no pain. Shifting on the spot, a little laugh escaped her lips as she realised there really was no pain. ‘Theodora, can open your eyes for me, honey?’ That voice again. Theo could listen to it all day, it was soft and melodic. Angelic. She slowly opened her eyes and squinted against the brightness that shone down on her. Looking around, her light blue eyes took in her surroundings. Sitting up, she realised she was sat in a room on a bed made of something that looked like cotton candy. She ran her hands over it and shivered at the texture, she had never felt anything like it. Blue eyes watered as she felt a sting of guilt in her chest, rising upwards towards her throat where a small sob escaped. ‘I left my sister,’ Theo’s voice shook, blinking the tears from her eyes as she placed her hand over her heart as it ached. Her sister, Callie, was her best friend. Her everything. And now she’s left her. ‘Who’s going to look out for her? Protect her?’ Her voice was a whisper but the tall woman stood in front of Theo heard. She bit her lip and dropped down to her knees so she was eye level with Theo. Her eyes were a startling brown, they seemed to glow in the light when she moved. Placing her hand on her knee, she rubbed circles into it comfortingly. Theo could feel the warmth through her trousers and she felt her knee stop shaking and her shoulders dropped the tension slightly. ‘I know it’s hard to leave the people you love Theodora. You have looked out for Calliope since the day you were born, since you saw that little baby and swore you would never let anyone hurt her. But it’s time to focus on you, Theodora. You made it. You feel no pain from your illness, here it is gone, and someone is waiting for you.’ The woman spoke in a soft, gentle tone as she wiped the tears from Theo’s pale, wet face. Theo looked into her eyes and tried to match her smile, but confusion filled her features. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked around wildly, wondering what this woman meant by somebody was waiting for her. She chewed on her bottom lip, a usual nervous tick for Theo, and snorted when she realised even that didn’t hurt. The woman stood, flicking her long blonde hair from her shoulder and held her slender hand out for Theo to take. Theo sniffed, tucking her light brown hair behind her ears and stood. She took the woman’s hand and noted it was soft, like everything else here. They made their way out of the room, and Theo was astonished to find an entire different world. Brings flew in the sky, people walked with smiles and greeted each other as they walked by. The sky was a pretty lilac and she marvelled at the creatures as they danced above them in the clouds. She had not expected to find a world as amazing as this. Theo breathed in the fresh, cold air and smiled as she closed her eyes and felt the breeze ruffle her hair and embrace her. Almost like it was saying welcome home. One of the creatures flew down slightly and Theo’s eyes widened in awe, the beings skin looked like a mix of feathers and soft fur. It was a turquoise colour, with added specks of pink and it’s wings were so big that Theo could feel the wind they gave off in waves. If she squinted, she could see the bright blue eyes that flickered down to her then back up again, to watch where it was going. The woman who she had woken up to squeezed her hand slightly and Theo opened her eyes and turned towards her, still smiling and her eyes bright with joy. The woman nodded ahead, her eyes crinkled from her wide smile and her dimples deepening. Theo could feel the happiness radiating off of her and she couldn’t help but feel it build within her too. It felt hot, it sparked through her veins and into her limbs and made her want to laugh. But when she looked towards where the woman was motioning towards, her body felt as though it had been thrown into the ocean mid winter. Her feet were stuck to the ground, and she felt as though it was swallowing her inch by inch. A lump appeared in her throat, and as much as she tried to get rid of it, she couldn’t. Theo couldn’t move, her palms became sweaty and she managed to wipe them on her thighs. Her eyes watered till the tears spilled down her red, blotchy cheeks and her knees felt as though they were going to give out any second. It had been 10 years since she had seen those hazel eyes, they held a happiness Theo hadn’t seen in them before. Her long brown hair wavered in the wind and the sun shone off of her glasses. It was her best friend. Penny was her entire world, they were the best friends and when she took her own life - she took a piece of Theo with her that she was never able to get back. And there she was, stood with that beautiful smile that she had missed so dearly. Theo walked forward until she was in front of Penny, she stared at her in disbelief. Maybe this was one of the dreams Theo would have, nightmares where Penny was fine and alive, only to wake up with her still gone. But Theo could feel the warmth from her body, she could see the specks of green in those eyes and she fell into her arms, a sob ripping its way out of her throat as the tears streamed down her face. She inhaled deeply, the familiar scent enveloping her and she was here. Theo could still remember them both spread out on her bed, lights off except for a single flashlight shining up on the ceiling - making hand gestures into animals. She could still remember the hugs that would last for so long before they both went home. She bunched Penny’s jacket in her hands and tightened her grip, willing herself to keep it together. But she was already too far gone. ‘I’m so sorry Pen,’ Theo cried, her heart aching as the words spilled from her lips. The apology she had been wanting to tell her since she was told she had taken her last breath. Theo had this apology in her mind constantly, all for not being there. I’m sorry for not saving you. I’m sorry for not being there. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I could have helped you. ‘Theo, you have nothing to be sorry about. It was my choice, never for one second think it was on you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. We’re here now, together.’ Her voice was still just as careful, albeit a little rougher as tears tracked down her cheeks, but Theo drank it all in. She could feel Penny’s arms around her, tight and shaking and she felt so safe. Just like how she felt when they were 16, oblivious to the world and only tuned into each other. ‘Come on,’ Penny whispered, leading her towards the edge of the platform they were stood on. Theo looked down and she could see Penny wearing those same black converse she always wore and she smiled. ‘We have all the time in the world now.’ She finished, kissing Theo’s forehead and they watched the creatures dance and twirl in the sky. The grass below swayed, the people laughed and Theo could breathe again. She had the piece of her back, and she held tightly onto Penny. She would never let go of her again.

The grains of sand clung to her feet, specks stuck to her face due to the shiny layer of sweat that had built up from the walk. She had paused, watching them afar. Nervous. It was the first time in a year since she had seen them, the people she, once upon a time, spent every day with. Only they had been driven apart by life. By loss, Delphine thought bitterly. She resumed her walk, the sound of the ocean filled her with a type of joy she hadn’t allowed herself to feel for a while. Delphine had moved away, moved away from the community she had grown with - away from the memories. ‘Phi, over here!’ There’s a voice she had missed. Bonnie. Bo. Her mind flashed to the tanned hand holding her own with music playing, music that felt like a knife in her chest. ‘We thought you’d never make it. How was the journey? Not still travel sick are you?’ Will chuckled but Delphine eyed him, a sick feeling in her stomach as more memories streamed like a DVD in her head. ‘Sorry Del, you doing alright?’ Another question. Was she? It had been a year. She nodded anyway, knowing they were all waiting on an answer. ‘We were just talking about how much money you actually spent on those McDonalds wraps. You know the ones, them chicken ones Jo used persuade you to get,’ Now look. Delphine knew this was coming. Knew the inevitable journey down memory lane was on its way. She just didn’t expect the pain to be a dull ache, and not the usual blinding pain in her heart. She let herself smile. She looked at them all. Bonnie, Will, Mira and Lucy. She had missed them. All bonded from college. From loss, Delphine flinched at the thought and forced herself to listen to the conversation in front of her. Carefully, she sat down on the free towel that had been spread out alongside everyone else’s. ‘Remember when Mira had been mid rehearsal, what was it for? You know what I mean. The one for the primary school. When she had tripped and was so close to falling off stage when-‘ Will was cut off by a slap on the back, worried eyes glancing towards Delphine. She smiled a reassuring one, never did she want to become one of those people everybody walked on egg shells around. She had loved, she had lost. That was all. ‘When Jo grabbed her so quick, it was almost like a life saving moment from that firehouse show we used to watch?’ Delphine finished her sentence with a crack in her voice, she could smile but her voice betrayed her. Of course it hurt. It hurt so bad she thought she would never breathe easy again. ‘It’s all good man, she was a huge part of us. We can speak about her. She’d want it, she would love the attention,’ With a forced laugh, she looked up from the piece of thread she had pulled from her knitted jumper and started fidgeting with it. ‘When she,’ Mira paused, laughing as her deep brown eyes shone with joy and her hands covering her mouth as she usually did when laughed. ‘When she thought no oil went into the pan whilst cooking bacon and came back with some charred creature between two slices of bread and then called it a bacon sandwich!’ She wheezed and wiped away tears building in her eyes, Delphine let out a laugh as they all pictured Jo’s wide eyes looking between her friends and the sandwich - wondering what had gone wrong. She was like that. Doing things her own way, never letting anybody get in the way when she had set her mind onto something. Including making bacon sandwiches. She would mumble ‘Well we didn’t do it this way in Canada’ and cross her arms with a stubborn frown. Then she would look at Delphine, her hazel eyes would soften and she would crack a smile only reserved for her. Jo was hers. And she was Jo’s. They had lived together. Grown together. Until the day that she received the message. Delphine looked away from the group as her eyes became wet. She missed her more than anything. ‘Good times, college. We hated it at first but man we had some good times. The photographs that were taken during our rehearsals, Phi you couldn't even look me in the eye without laughing!' Lucy laughed and put her hand on Delphines shoulder. Will sighed, and his eyes shone as he ran his fingers through his short curly hair. ‘I miss college, being young. I miss Jo,’ His voice broke on her name, so quiet that it was a miracle they heard, and Delphine felt her heart cry out. It cried for its other half. It cried every hour she was awake. And her subconscious stepped in whilst she was asleep, creating false images of her dancing and assuring Delphine she was okay. She raised her hand and cupped his cheek gently, nodding in agreement. She did too. ‘She’s still here mate, she’s in the way we laugh and the way the rain falls just as she liked,’ Bonnie whispered. Phi remembered Jo dragging her outside college just to kiss her in the rain. The thing is, Delphine loved college. She loved learning her lines, acting on stage and making eye contact with her little sister who watched with pride. Jo lost her fight. Lost her fight with the mean voices in her head that no matter how hard Delphine fought with them - ultimately they had won long before she realised. She looked around at her friends. All laughing, all damaged with the traumatic loss but all carrying on. Just as she. She buried her feet in the sand, looked out to the ocean and let out the breath she had been holding for a year, since she had lost Jo. Maybe it would be okay.