I am but a puzzle to be put in place. I struggle to open up and choose my words carefully, making sure not to share to much information. I only have one close friend and even they don’t know much of anything about me. When I’m at home I spend my day curled up in my room reading. Only coming out for food. Whenever my teachers call on me I panic scared I might say the wrong thing and everyone would laugh at me. So you see I am but a puzzle to be put in place. You just about to break it first.
I open my eyes and the sun fills the room with warm light. I turn and see my handsome husband Liam sleeping next to me. I head downstairs and wake up my 4 year old daughter Saige. I start getting her dressed in her cute little outfit and when we finally get done we head to the kitchen and my husband is making breakfast. My life is like a fairytale, I think to myself. I read Saige a story while Liam finished breakfast. We eat and then Liam leaves for work. I turn on the tv and watch Mickey Mouse with Saige. Just then I see a commercial that says that there is a sale on tickets to Disney world and I text Liam and asks if we have enough money in our bank account to get some. I wait and wait but Liam doesn’t respond so I decide to look myself. I pull it up on the computer. I have to make sure it’s the right account because it says there is 3.5 million dollars in there and that couldn’t be our account could it? I frantically text Liam and then call and he finally answers after about 7 calls “Ashley what do you need that you are calling me 7 times?” Liam asks “Why is there 3.5 million dollars in our bank account?” I demand. “Oh about that a couple weeks ago I was at a gas station and I decided to buy a lottery ticket. Turns out I won.” Liam laughs “Why didn’t you tell me that you won?!” I inquired. “Because I won it not you. I was just keeping it in there until I made a separate bank account. Also I want to get a divorce.” Liam states “Fine but what about Saige?” I wonder. “I don’t want her so, custody is all yours!” He exclaims a little to happy. “Fine then!” I scream and hang up the phone. I start to break down. Why would he do this? I thought he loved me! “What’s wrong momma?” Saige asks. She walks over and gives me a hug. “Mommy and daddy are fighting.” I say through my tears. “I am sorry you feel sad momma!” Saige says. I embrace her. I guess some this just aren’t meant to be.
03/24/09
Dear diary, I once believed that everyone had good inside them but not anymore. Not after I watched that man kill my sister. I feel guilty a lot like I should have tried to help her but I was frozen in fear. Most nights I wake up from nightmares about seeing the bullet go threw her skull. My therapist says it’s good for me to get out how I feel in writing that, it could “help my ptsd”. Like sure it could. Well I’m going to bed. Goodnight.
03/25/09
Dear diary, That bastard escaped prison I can’t believe this he is a murderer how could they just let him escape!!!!!!!! There is someone at the door I’m going to answer it.
The next day she was found dead with a bullet threw her skull
“I never thought it would come to this” I say shakily to my mother on the phone. “He said he loved me” Just then I see and reflection of the same man I spoke about and started to run. As I’m running I drop my phone but can’t stop because otherwise he’ll catch me. I looked behind me and saw that he disappeared. Where did he go? How could he have just disappeared? Then I felt a cloth cover my mouth and I felt the same hands of my past lover grab my neck. “How dare you ever try to leave me!” He screams. I cower and just close my eyes preparing to get beaten when I feel a knife pierce my gut. “If I can’t have you no one can!” He drops me to the ground and I curl into a ball crying. I try to reach for my phone which mysteriously appears near me but my vision goes blurry until I eventually feel nothing.
