Out of order
There was a time, as a child With love my heart was full Feeling it beating in my chest It was healthy and still whole
Every day was filled with laughter Excitement around every turn But as I grew older, things started to change For something new, my heart did yearn
A different kind of love Something I never felt before Not the love for family or friends Well, kind of the same…but something more
I found that love as a young man Or at least I thought that’s what I found But maybe I was too young To really Understand a love so profound
Throughout my life I found it again… And again and again to different extent And started to wonder If I really knew what love meant
Each time my heart broke Piece were left behind Scattered across my past Scattered across time
Now I try to pick them up Like some kind of hoarder But as I try to put my heart back together I think the pieces are out of order
Out of order
There was a time, as a child With love my heart was full Feeling it beating in my chest It was healthy and still whole
Every day was filled with laughter Excitement around every turn But as I grew older, things started to change For something new, my heart did yearn
A different kind of love Something I never felt before Not the love for family or friends Well, kind of the same…but something more
I found that love as a young man Or at least I thought that’s what I found But maybe I was too young To really Understand a love so profound
Throughout my life I found it again… And again and again to different extent And started to wonder If I really knew what love meant
Each time my heart broke Piece were left behind Scattered across my past Scattered across time
Now I try to pick them up Like some kind of hoarder But as I try to put my heart back together I think the pieces are out of order
She said she loved me with all her heart We were to spend our lives together Now my world is falling apart Emotions scattered like the wind blowing a feather
It all came out of the blue One day happy the next day needing space And now I have not a clue And around this house I pace
“What did I do?” I’ve asked over and over again “What can I say to you To get us back to where we began?”
But there no answers and my heart is broken So to the Charon I give my token
Adorn with love the maiden rose Her face so pail and sweet. Her eyes as green as the grass That lay beneath her feet.
Her hair and lips, with matching red Accentuate her face Her dress as white as her skin Of shiny silk and lace
As she stands before me, I can only stare Her beauty over comes me I try to speak, but make no sense My words all fuddled and clumsy
She puts a finger to my lips To silent my attempts Then her emerald eyes look into mine Her neck so slightly bent
Everything around her now Is blurry as can be Everything except her heavenly face That’s crystal clear to me
Her eyes then close and so do mine Our lips, they finally meet Her lips are full, yet very soft And taste so very sweet
We embrace ‘til sunset and into night When the stars fill the sky And now as the sun begins to rise I gaze at the maiden with whom I lie
I don’t know the secrets of the earth Or of the heavens up above But I know with whom I’d share my life This maiden adorn with love.
Every now and then, It seemed like she opened her mouth And two voices came out. Well maybe not two voices, But two meanings of what she was saying
“I love you” “I love you for now”
“I need to see you” “I’m lonely and I know you will come when I call”
“I’ll text you tomorrow “ “Maybe I’ll keep in touch for a few days, then reach out again when I’m lonely a month from now.”
“You’re too good for me” or “you don’t love me” “I like this right now, but I know I don’t want this, so I’ll make excuses.” Or “I want you to feel good about yourself but sorry for me, so next time I call, you will answer.”
It took a long time to understand the forked tongued language, But once understood, I could move on. And I did. With someone who may still have 2 “voices”, but they say…
“I love you” “I love everything about you. The good and the bad”
“I need to see you” “I can’t wait to see you again. Every min we are apart, seems like an eternity.”
“I’ll text you tomorrow.” “No I won’t…I’ll text you in ten minutes. And every once in a while after that just so you know I’m thinking about you.”
“You’re too good for me” (more something I would say to her) “I am so lucky to have found you. I can’t believe you feel the same about me as I do about you. I’m the luckiest person alive.”
Finding the right person…the person with two voices, but saying the same thing in 2 different, yet beautiful ways… that’s the dream. A dream that has become a reality. It wasn’t always easy. And it took a long time to learn, But it has been worth every heartbreak, To find the one that can hold my heart in her hand, Hold it in her hand and not only keep it safe, But help it heal and become stronger. More willing to love. More eager to fill her heart with love. And make it stronger. More willing to hold on to her tight with no doubts More eager to look at her eyes and into her soul, More willing to open my heart and soul to her. More eager to become ONE…with TWO VOICES.
It’s not a big thing, What they want me to make But every year they ask For a funfetti pancake cake.
So every night before The morning of their day I start the short fun process Of making the cake in this way
First you make the pancakes mix, With funfetti batter of course. Then cook them on the griddle (And I may eat one with no remorse).
Once the pancakes are cooked, I want them all the same shape and size. So I use the open end of a large glass, To shape each pancake where it lies.
When they are all uniform, I let the pancakes cool. Then get out the funfetti frosting, And my frosting spreading tool.
The cooled pancakes are stacked Usually about 4 or 5 high With frosting in between each layer Then a crumb coat I apply.
The cake is almost ready The frosting has been all spread. Then funfetti sprinkles on top, Into the frig, and I’m off to bed.
In the morning they’ll wake up early To get this birthday treat. They usually only eat about half Because it is so very sweet.
This has become a yearly tradition, And every year it brings a smile. Their happiness and their hugs Make all the work worth while.
As I open the cupboard I see many things I haven’t used. Just sitting there like figures on a dusty chess board. Each waiting for someone to move them To use them in the game of life. But life is not a game Not for all And these are not figures on a chess board Each can help to extend life Each can help the body But not while they lay dormant in a cupboard. If not for me, Why not for someone else? Why do I keep these things if I’m not going to use them? Why do they lay dormant in my cupboard when others could use them? Is it because I think I will eventually use them? Is it a security blanket knowing that they are there? Or is it just another example of how my life is in chaos? Another example of my unwillingness to organize? Another reason why my life is stagnant… Like these items untouched in my cupboard. Opening up my Cupboard…gives me a glimpse of my life.
