I’m sixteen lines old, Or should it be long? Made up of singing lyrics, But I’m not a song.

A story perhaps, Because I definitely tell, All the times your heart’s broken, And all the times it has fell.

Maybe I’m a fable, Or advice from the wise, Or an old diary entry, For only your eyes.

I lock like a vault, I keep feelings unknown, But the simple truth is, I’m just a poem.

I have a mirror that shows the future. Well, not the future, just the future me. But it’s not always the same, my future self changes based on decisions I make, or could make. I don’t know, it’s confusing.

What I do know is that my mirror is magic. It must be. What else could show a version of me that’s aged twenty years? I found it in a little antique shop. Everyone else walked past without a second glance. Maybe they didn’t notice. Or maybe it only works for me. Maybe everyone has a different mirror to show their future self. Who knows?

When I walked past it, a streak of grey walked beside me. Enough to stop me in my tracks but not enough to worry me initially. After all, I know other 46 year olds with hair turned grey from stress. A closer inspection of the woman in the mirror revealed wrinkles that I couldn’t feel and a knitted pink cardigan that I didn’t own. At first I just stared. It took a minute for my brain to process that this was me I was seeing. Me but not me. Me but older.

Ever since that first glimpse I couldn’t help myself. I’d look every day. Sometimes it would only change a little bit; my cardigan would be blue instead of pink. Other times I would marvel at how one tiny decision could affect my future appearance entirely.

One day I’d decided to try different makeup based on the advice of a friend. When I looked in the mirror that afternoon, the woman’s wrinkles were barely visible through her foundation. Her hair was freshly curled and her lips were a perfect red. She wore a dress instead of jeans.

Another day, I’d had one too many to drink. I looked through my blurry eyes at a rather dishevelled version of myself. The grey hair had not been brushed and the bags under the eyes suggested a major lack of sleep. Of all the versions of myself I had seen. This one was the most pitiful. And I was certain I would not let the run down woman in the mirror be me.

On a rainy afternoon in October I’d left a candle lit in the sitting room. It was only as my head hit the pillow that I’d remembered. I rushed downstairs past the mirror, only this time, no one rushed alongside me. The mirror was empty and I was terrified. So scared of what it might mean that I almost forgot my candle. If I wasn’t in the mirror where was I? I pondered it as I took the last few steps to my candle and blew it out. Returning to my bedroom, I couldn’t help but look into the mirror again, and there she was. The woman in the mirror smiled the same smile of relief as I did. The candle, it seems, would’ve been the culprit for my absence in the future.

Everyday I watch the woman in the mirror. And everyday she smiles. Because when she’s there I know I’ve blown out all my candles and tomorrow is already promised to me.

The first date with him was undeniably awkward. We began with a leisurely walk through my local woods. The weather was nice, the sun shone down brightly on what should’ve been a perfect day. We walked my favourite path and he kept me entertained, chatting animatedly as we strolled along. He had a sense of adventure that drove me to the, in retrospect, awful decision that we would try a different route. “I’m sure the path is along here somewhere” I muttered softly as we walked further and further. “You’ve been saying that for at least ten minutes!” He laughed cheerfully. In my haste to find our way, I foolishly suggested we take a shortcut through the trees. This went as you could imagine, the bushes and brambles snagged mercilessly at us as we tried to clear a path through. Eventually reaching the river at the bottom of the bank, we were tasked with finding our way across to the opposite bank where the path lay waiting patiently for us. Fortunately, we found a narrow jet of water that we were able to jump over easily and soon found ourselves back on solid ground. All in all, it was definitely an adventure but one that neither of us wanted to experience again as we quickly made our way back home.

This is a story of how I conquered my irrational fear.

Now, you better promise not to laugh. See I have an irrational fear. We all do I guess. Some people are afraid of clowns, some are afraid of spiders, but me, I’m afraid of grass. Yes I know, it’s ridiculous, but when I was little I had horrendously bad hay fever which made it hard to breathe. I’d break out in terrible rashes and my eyes would be watering so badly I couldn’t see my own hand if I held it in front of my face. I suppose it’s no wonder I’m afraid of grass if that’s what it does to me. But, I wouldn’t know because I haven’t set foot on a patch of grass since I was twelve years old.

Most of nature I can deal with. It was only grass that gave me such a bad reaction that I felt fearful to ever go near it again. Anyway, my determination to stay away from grass causes a lot of problems in my day to day life. I can’t have a garden, I had to put flagstones down. I can’t go on picnics with my friends. I can’t go to the park with my niece. It’s really not ideal. That’s why I decided to face my fear.

It was Saturday morning when I did just that. I took a hay fever tablet and armed myself with a load of hay fever wipes. I couldn’t think of anything else that might help me fend off the pollen so with that I was ready. I decided to start small, I asked my neighbour if I could go stand in their garden for a bit. It took me five minutes to get through the gate but once I had stood on the grass I almost wondered why I’d made such a fuss all these years. I sat down and ran my fingers along the cool, green surface. It felt pretty good to be honest, although I did feel a slight tickle at my nose.

Next step: the park. I decided it was time for the deep end. The park was filled with miles of grass and it was all bound to be full of pollen that makes my eyes turn puffy. Nonetheless, I walked through the park gates and immediately sat myself in the middle of one of the fields. I waited for my eyes to start watering but it didn’t happen. I waited for my nose to itch but it didn’t happen. I waited for my breathing to become more difficult but it didn’t happen. Man those hay fever tablets must work good. It was so nice to be able to sit on a patch of grass like any other normal person. Maybe I didn’t have a fear anymore after all.

(Kudos to my boyfriend for making me laugh thinking of all the irrational fears a person could have 😂)

I’ve always hated waiting rooms. They have this air of nervous apprehension. This one was filled with a tense silence, save for the occasional call of a name.

I sat alone in a corner, thinking about the events that had led to my being here. Looking around the room, I wondered the same of others. Some were obvious, you could tell just by looking at them how they got here. Others were harder to place. Curiosity would’ve had me leaning against the closed doors to find out more about the people behind them but that was undeniably inappropriate. I waited and listened to the names called out around me. ‘Jason Riley’ hobbled into one of the rooms slowly, taking care to step gingerly on the nonfunctional leg. ‘Kelly Maguire’ seemed no worse for wear on the outside and strode into her room with an air of confidence. ‘Sam Evans’ looked barely ten years old. He walked into his room with one of the staff members as no parents had arrived with him.

Finally I heard my name, ‘Harry Waterston’. I followed the man who had called into the room and sat in a small plastic chair provided for me. The man sat across from me in a comfortable leather armchair. We sat in silence as he flicked through my notes. “Hmm it says here that the cause of death was a gunshot wound to the chest?” “Yes sir.” I answered, pulling down my T-shirt to show where the bullet had entered my body, piercing my heart upon impact. “Nice clean shot by the looks of it! Anyway we’ll get that sorted out for you.” With a wave of his hand, the bullet hole in my chest disappeared. “There’ll be no room for pain where you’re going.” He said smiling at me. I hoped this was a good sign. The nervousness began eating away at me again as I waited for his next words. He shuffled through my notes again and then looked up at me. “Yes, yes, Harry. This all looks good. From what I can see, you’ve lived a good life. For that reason I can sign your papers and get you through into Heaven in no time at all.” He smile since more and I breathed a small sigh of relief. Of course, I shouldn’t have been worried, but all the same, I was glad I could finally move on to peace.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Vinnie. You wouldn’t find a better looking man than Vinnie in all of the kingdom. Everyday women would tell him how gorgeous he was, they’d bat their eyes and flirt and Vinnie would flirt back. Be that as it may, Vinnie had eyes for only one girl, but Elizabeth was not interested. She loathed Vinnie for his narcissism, she found his love for himself infuriating. One day, when Vinnie was bothering Elizabeth relentlessly, she decided he needed to be taught a lesson. When she turned to face Vinnie, she pretended to be horrified, “Vinnie! What has happened to your once so beautiful face? It has disfigured horribly, I almost can’t bear to look.” The reaction was instant, Vinnie was distraught. He asked “What do you mean? What is it has happened? Am I no longer beautiful?” Elizabeth shook her head “I am sorry Vinnie, your beauty has vanished.” And with that, Vinnie ran from the scene as fast as he could. He ran and ran and ran. Out of the village, away from the shocked faces of women who had seen his disfigurement as he ran. He ran to the river which bordered the village. He was scared of what he may see, he took a moment to catch his breath for he had been running a while. He shook himself, it was now or never. Slowly he leaned over to look at his reflection within the water. He almost laughed, he was perfect! Just as perfect as he always was! That foul woman had lied to him, how dare she? And suddenly he felt angry that he had been cheated like this. He wished there were a way for him to always look at his face, thus he may never fear that he is not handsome. With this thought, he ordered all of the finest inventors in the village to create an instrument in which he would see his reflection like the surface of water. Thus, the mirror was born, and Vinnie lived the rest of his life in happy vanity.

I woke on Tuesday with a sense of dread. It was my first day back at school after… well after something big. I wasn’t looking forward to the stares and whispers anyway. It was for this reason that I dressed as simply as possible, I crammed my cheerleading outfit to the back of my wardrobe, I had a feeling I’d never wear it again. After all, cheerleaders are supposed to be cheerful. I walked into school with my hood up and headphones on. I wasn’t ready for what hit me. The thing is… I was sort of prepared for the stares and whispers and pitiful looks, but what greeted me was different entirely. “Hey Kelly, missed you last weekend!” “Hi Kelly, omigosh I just love your hoodie, is it vintage?” “Kelly! Wanna grab some ice cream later?” “Great to see you Kelly!” What was up with people? I’m sure I’ve never even spoken to some of these people yet here they all are, not with stares but with warm words of greeting, when the hell did that happen? Everyone was being so very kind, uncharacteristically so. Was this some kind of joke? A whole school movement to make my first day back even worse than it should’ve been? These people should know I can’t do happiness right now. They’ve all heard what happened. The biggest shock did not happen at school though. That came when I got home. The weight that had lifted when I walked through the door returned in an instant at the sight of my mum. She was at the stove, making pancakes, dancing to the radio. Of course, this may seem completely normal for most people but the thing is, my mum hasn’t got out of bed a lot since the thing, she spends most of her time staring in to space, a constant expression of pain was what I had come to expect. Her dancing merrily at the stove as if nothing was wrong was either a miracle or an alternate universe. I approached slowly, still not entirely convinced the person before me was my mum, but then she turned around and her smile grew, “There you are! I was wondering when you’d be back from school, did you have a good day?” I just stared in return, she knew it wasn’t a good day. She knew everyday in my future would be just as bad. Why was she acting like this? I took a step back, still not saying a word. My mouth hung open in shock and I darted my eyes around to look at something, anything other than my smiling mum who’d apparently forgotten why she shouldn’t be happy. My eyes landed on an old pair of my dads glasses. Why were they out? That isn’t right, they shouldn’t be there. I’m panicking now, the walls are closing in, and so is my mum with a look of concern taking over her otherwise carefree face. Why is this happening? Why has everyone forgot? How can my mum, the person most affected aside from me, carry on as if every single thing in life is perfect. “Come on honey, put your bag upstairs and then you can help me with tea. You can tell me all about your day.” She smiled reassuringly and, still in complete shock, I did as I was told. My brain was working overtime trying to figure out what had happened, still I came up with no explanation. “Mum…. Why are you so…. Happy?” I asked. Blunt but I couldn’t think of another way. She laughed, “why wouldn’t I be darling? I get to spend my time cooking tea for the two loves of my life, everything is perfect.” I stared at her completely dumbfounded, “two?” I asked. “Well yes honey, I do love you as well as your dad, you know.” She laughed again. She must be joking. I was hit with a sudden realisation, she must be blocking out the trauma, like in the movies sometimes. I approached her gently, “mum, dad died in a car crash, last week, remember?” She looked at me like I was mad. We stood for a moment, staring at each other until the unmistakable sound of my dads voice entered the house “Hi darlings, I’m home!” It was at that moment I knew, whatever alternate universe this was, it was the happiest one I could find.

The first day I saw you, I wasn't too impressed, It stayed that way for quite a time, The next day and the next, But as the years passed on by, My heart told me what's true, I know you feel differently, But I'm in love with you.

Now you know my secret, Which I didn't want to tell, I just hope you can accept it please, In love with you I fell, So as the days go on by, You know just how I feel, Please respect it cause if you don't, I'm scared I might not heal.

So now you know it all, No secrets left to hide, I think about you all the time, And dream you're by my side, I have loved you from afar, Hoping one day you'll see, That I will always care, And you belong with me.

So if you ever read this, Please be really kind, Don't go and tell all your friends, Don't think I wouldn't mind, If I wanted them to know, I would have told them too, But I don't want them to know, So I only told you.

“I think I just met the happiest person in the world.” Jace muttered into his hands as the exhaustion crept in. A full day entertaining the peppy daughter of his dad’s boss would do that to you. She was called Cally, she must’ve been a year or two younger than Jace but the happiness she radiated gave her a child-like innocence. They had arrived last night with the promise of a promotion if his dad could close some important business deal. He wasn’t sure on the specifics, he and his dad never spoke about much these days, least of all the ins and outs of a job. Still, Jace was expected to keep Cally occupied as neither of them were part of the business deal. When he went down for breakfast the next morning, Cally was sitting at the table already, smiling up at him expectantly. He had to resist the urge to scowl at her. Didn’t she know it was too early for that kind of energy? Anyway, he grumbled that he’d be ready in ten minutes and she piped up “okay!” And beamed even more. This would be a LONG day. Setting out into the sunshine, Jace asked “well, what do you want to do then?” Cally turned to him, still grinning, and replied “show me your favourite place here!” He looked at her for a moment before nodding “okay then.” And he motioned for her to get into his car so they could set off. Driving down the motorway, he thought he’d go crazy if she didn’t shut up. She alternated between singing along to the radio and telling him random stories, laughing about something funny that had happened last week. He tried to smile and force a laugh in the right places just to keep her happy, although, she seemed capable of no other emotion so that should be easy. After what seemed like an age he pulled up to the edge of the lake. He wasn’t sure why he brought her here, it was his favourite place but he hadn’t brought anyone here. Ever. Anyway, he got out of the car and stood, as if waiting for something to happen, by the edge of the lake. The effect on Cally was immediate. She got out of the car, a look of pure delight reached every corner of her face, he was sure he heard her gasp as she took in the full view. Her eyes drank in everything hungrily. The lake, the trees surrounding it, the lily pads floating nearby, the mountains in the distance and the crystal blue sky in which no clouds could be seen. “I love it!” She almost whispered, and at that he couldn’t help a small smile. “Me too.” He replied, still watching her. And then all of a sudden the spell was broke. She jumped into action, grabbing his arm before he had time to argue and she started dragging him towards the lake. “What are you doing?” He spluttered at her, a sense of shock at her sudden advance on him was radiating through his body. “We’re going swimming! Take off your clothes.” “WHAT? I am not taking off my clothes, I’m not going swimming!” And at those words he was proven wrong, happiness was not her only emotion. She turned with the saddest expression he’d ever seen. “But I might not get the chance again, please?” And somehow he found himself agreeing “fine”, anything to put the smile back on her face. It reappeared instantly and he was almost sure the sadness had been fake but now he was trapped, he’d already agreed. He reluctantly pulled off his jeans and T-shirt and waded in after her, the water was absolutely freezing but she was laughing like it was the best thing in the world. This girl was gonna kill him, he thought. Anyway, that’s how Jace ended up meeting the happiest person in the world. And as the sun set over the horizon he couldn’t help feeling that maybe he was a little happier himself as he watched her splashing like crazy in the icy lake as the last rays of the sun danced on her skin.

Life without you would be empty, I’d be lost like a boat out at sea, No compass to guide, No feelings inside, Just darkness descending on me.

Life without you would be bleak, My lost love I’m destined to seek, No hope to find you, No way to get through, Without you I’m just so weak.

Life without you would be grey, The colours would all go away, The sun is not bright, As dark as midnight, So please, baby, can you stay?