Sometimes it takes losing someone, To realize You love them
But then you’re stuck, With feelings that could have belonged, Without the person They were meant for
So all you have left Is pieces of your heart; Instead of the whole
But you can’t quite make them fit, Back together, Not perfectly; As time slips a w a y
So you fill the cracks; One laugh One joke One smile at a time
Until your fractured heart
Beats once more
The bathroom tile was cool on her cheek, providing Shane with her only tether to reality.
Not even one hour ago, she’d been in the happiest relationship of her life.
Then she’d found the texts. And remembered how she’d ignored all the times when he’d come back home in the middle of the night, slipping into their bedroom, trying not to wake her.
She remembered the secret glances between her best friend and her boyfriend that she wasn’t supposed to see. The secret flirtation.
She’d ignored it all.
She’d ignored it all in the name of love.
Because that’s what she thought it was.
Such a fickle thing, love is. One instant, you’re head over heels for someone, and you think they’re just as in love with you. And then the next instant everything is falling apart.
She’d lost two of the most important people in her life in the same moment. How is it even possible, to lose to much, so quickly?
Shane almost wished she’d never followed him, found them both in his car, entwined. At least they’d both still be in her life.
_No. _ __ __ She couldn’t think that way. She didn’t want people in her life that could do this to her. That could do something so cruel.
They obviously hadn’t wanted Shane in their lives. _Why didn’t they tell her? Why did they let her believe everything was okay? _ __ __ How stupid must she have been, to believe that it would last? To believe that she was what he wanted.
She’d believed she was enough.
Stupid. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. _ __ __ She braced her hands on the floor, dragging herself up into a sitting position. The room spun as the world tilted on its axis.
Shane pressed a palm into her temple, trying to stop the pounding. Squeezing her eyes shut, she blindly grabbed for the bottle that was somewhere behind her.
If she drank enough, she could drown out the noise. She could drown out the voices in her head, all screaming for attention.
If she drank enough, she would forget all about it. Forget about Chase. Forget about Sarah. Forget about lips pressed together, forget about their panicked expressions as she knocked on the car window, forget about them grabbing for clothes.
Forget anything had happened.
When that bottle ran out, Shane slid all the way back to the floor, bringing her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.
As she lay there, curled into a ball, she wondered how it would feel to disappear. If she made herself small enough, would she cease to exist?
That sounded nice. Ceasing to exist.
Shane didn’t know how long she was on the floor for, but at some point, the bathroom walls melted into darkness, and she was falling.
Falling
F
a
l
l
i
n
g
Into a deep void of nothingness.
It was so peaceful to fall.
As we crept around the side of the building and into the alley, Jamie threw a hand out to stop me.
“What?” I whispered.
He glanced behind his shoulder before answering. “If we get caught, we tell them the truth.”
My eyebrows knitted together. “But we agreed to lie!”
“Well, yeah, I know. But I was thinking about it, and it’s just going to come out at some point or another. So why not get it over with?”
“I was under the impression that we weren’t planning on getting caught,” I said, huffing.
He rolled his eyes. “There’s always a chance we do. Best to be prepared.”
“Oh my god, let’s go, Jamie. I’m not going to stand here and make up hypothetical scenarios with you.” I pushed past him, a breeze ruffling my hair. I heard Jamie shuffle forward, following.
Not looking back, I continued forward, moving along the brick wall until I reached the door.
I peeled back my sleeve and read the time on my watch. After waiting thirty seconds, I grasped the handle of the door with my gloved hand and yanked on it. It didn’t budge.
I rolled my eyes again. _Can’t anyone do their job? _
Jamie peered over my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“Door’s locked. Yasmeen was supposed to have it open.” This threw a really big wrench in our plans. This was a steel door equipped with the most secure locks you could ever find on the market.
Essentially, Jamie and I weren’t the ones that were supposed have to gotten it open.
As if she’d been waiting for us to get to the door, my earpiece crackled and Yasmeen’s voice came through. “Benji, I’m so sorry, I got distracted and forgot about the mission.”
Seething, I bit out, “Yasmeen, what the hell? Where are you?”
Jamie gave me a questioning look. I pointed to my earpiece.
“I’m at work. Some of us actually have to show up to keep our jobs, you know. I told you last week I didn’t know if I could do it today. Again, I’m really sorry, I’ll try to make it up to you next time.”
“There won’t be a next time. This was my last chance.”
“What are you talking about?”
I let out a deep sigh. “The boss said if I couldn’t do this job then I’m out.”
“Benji, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”
“Look, what’s done is done.”
The door banged open against the wall, sending me and Jamie jumping backwards, startled.
I blinked.
Of course. Of course he got here ahead of us.
He stood there in the doorway, heavily tattooed arms crossed, a look of disappointment taking up residence in his expression.
Looking from me to Jamie, and then back to me, he shook his head.
“This was your last shot, Benji. In the real world, I can’t be here to save you. You need to figure out how to do what you need to do to get the job done.”
Protesting, I exclaimed, “But it’s not my fault! Yasmeen—“
He cut me off. “And most importantly, you have learn how to take responsibility for your actions. You can’t pull a job when part of your team isn’t even available.”
“But—“ I stopped on my own that time. He was right. I was doing nothing but blaming other people. It happened, it’s in the past, I can’t change it. “Okay.”
I swallowed, looking at Jamie, who was standing up straighter than I’d ever seen him stand, and was doing his best to appear professional.
“I’ll plan it better next time. Give me another chance. Just one more, Dad. Please.”
He stared at me, face unreadable. “On one condition.”
“Of course, name it,” I said hastily, desperate for yet another last chance I was never supposed to get. I really don’t think he’s going to let this slide again.
My dad turned around and walked back into the building, letting the door slam.
Bewildered, I turned towards Jamie. “What just happened?”
“Um, I’m not really sure. It seems like your dad kind of just slammed the door on this conversation—“
The door swung open again, and out emerged my dad and the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.
My dad gestured to her. “Meet the fourth member of your team.”
