i got better for you

even though you left

i got better for you

just in case...

i know something forbidden

something that would shake this town to the core

i’m getting sick of holding it in

maybe i should tell my something forbidden

see if the town can handle the secrets and lies all around

i’m feeling real sick of holding it in

i’m going to tell my something forbidden

so then i can watch the town burn itself into the ground

i’m sick to my stomach from holding it in

...

one minute has gone by since you opened my text

i wonder if that means you aren’t going to respond

i wonder if that also means you got busy and forgot

five minutes have gone by since you opened my text

i wonder if that means you got tired of me

i wonder if that also means you aren’t going to text me ever again

one hour has gone by since you opened my text

i wonder if that means i made you...

i often feel like i’m alone in the beauty

the beauty of driving my car around town

the beauty of singing my favorite song

the beauty of walking into an air conditioned room

the beauty of hearing my friends laugh and cry

the beauty of dancing under the disco ball

the beauty of calling my sister after a few days

the beauty of coming home to hugs and smiles

the beauty of watching someone grow

...

365 days of being away

coming home has been bitter but sweet

the familiarity of being home is sweet

but also the familiarity of being home is bitter

it was

365 days of joy

365 days of healing

365 days of adventure

365 days of independence

365 days of being away

but now it’s

365 days of hiding from the sadness

365 days of ignoring the trauma

365 days of forgetting the nothingness

365 da...

growing up is strange

you think people are born to show kindness

until you get taunted for being you

then you realize people aren’t what they seem

you think your friends will be there for life

until they stab you in the back

then you realize friends come and go

you think that your parents are the perfect love

until they divorce when you’re fifteen

then you realize perfect love doesn’t exist...

i woke up this morning feeling ill and unworthy

so i flicked the lighter and breathed in deep

then

the air cleared

the sky blued

the sun shined

and

the winds fan

the rivers ran

the lizards tan

i breathe out

now i’m awake...

sometimes my mind wonders to a certain place

where you are gone and i’m left with just space

the place is dark while the space without spark

met with a world of black, i reach to go back

but i can’t

cause my mind isn’t wondering, you’re just gone and i’m left here with

-...

the start of my day is always coffee.

the bitter sweet taste making its way down to my empty stomach.

the kickstart it gives is unmatched.

or at least i thought it was.

turns out, the kickstart i got from seeing you was greater.

the butterflies flew as i watched you grab your coffee.

the sparks ignited as your eyes met mine.

from now on, the start of my day should always be you....