i got better for you even though you left

i got better for you just in case

i know something forbidden something that would shake this town to the core i’m getting sick of holding it in

maybe i should tell my something forbidden see if the town can handle the secrets and lies all around i’m feeling real sick of holding it in

i’m going to tell my something forbidden so then i can watch the town burn itself into the ground i’m sick to my stomach from holding it in

i told my something forbidden the town crashed, the people got trashed, i laughed i feel much better now

one minute has gone by since you opened my text i wonder if that means you aren’t going to respond i wonder if that also means you got busy and forgot

five minutes have gone by since you opened my text i wonder if that means you got tired of me
i wonder if that also means you aren’t going to text me ever again

one hour has gone by since you opened my text i wonder if that means i made you upset or hurt you i wonder if that also means i ruined our chances

five hours have gone by since you opened my text i wonder if that means i can’t text you again i wonder if that means we’re done

but then you text me back and the minutes and hours turned into seconds because i was watching you type the whole time it just took what felt like forever

i often feel like i’m alone in the beauty

the beauty of driving my car around town the beauty of singing my favorite song the beauty of walking into an air conditioned room the beauty of hearing my friends laugh and cry the beauty of dancing under the disco ball the beauty of calling my sister after a few days the beauty of coming home to hugs and smiles the beauty of watching someone grow the beauty of soaking up the sun on a hot day

i often feel like others overlook the small, perfect things the things that make life worth living so i just sit alone in the beauty soaking in every last drop.

365 days of being away coming home has been bitter but sweet the familiarity of being home is sweet but also the familiarity of being home is bitter

it was 365 days of joy 365 days of healing 365 days of adventure 365 days of independence 365 days of being away

but now it’s 365 days of hiding from the sadness 365 days of ignoring the trauma 365 days of forgetting the nothingness 365 days of avoiding the loneliness
365 days of being away

so it’s sweet coming home but it’s also bitter

growing up is strange you think people are born to show kindness until you get taunted for being you then you realize people aren’t what they seem

you think your friends will be there for life until they stab you in the back then you realize friends come and go

you think that your parents are the perfect love until they divorce when you’re fifteen then you realize perfect love doesn’t exist

you think that boy is telling the truth until he fucks you and never speaks to you again then you realize that boys are liars

you think you’ll be rich by the time you’re twenty until you have twenty dollars and can’t get hired then you realize money doesn’t grow on trees

you think you’ll cuddle with your mom forever until she gets a boyfriend then you realize that even moms lose interest

i don’t know something about it growing up is just strange

i woke up this morning feeling ill and unworthy so i flicked the lighter and breathed in deep

then the air cleared the sky blued the sun shined

and the winds fan the rivers ran the lizards tan

i breathe out now i’m awake

sometimes my mind wonders to a certain place where you are gone and i’m left with just space

the place is dark while the space without spark met with a world of black, i reach to go back

but i can’t

cause my mind isn’t wondering, you’re just gone and i’m left here with

the start of my day is always coffee. the bitter sweet taste making its way down to my empty stomach. the kickstart it gives is unmatched.

or at least i thought it was.

turns out, the kickstart i got from seeing you was greater. the butterflies flew as i watched you grab your coffee. the sparks ignited as your eyes met mine.

from now on, the start of my day should always be you.