From the moment I breathed my first breath, I have been trying to achieve the impossible. Never knowing the love and comfort that life claims to have.
I’ve endured a multitude of personalities, every one more painful than the last.
Never knowing who I was. Never safe enough to find out.
Just floating through this existence knowing everything and nothing at all. Given all the pieces to this puzzle, but no clear picture of the end.
Three decades…still trying to grasp onto a soul that has always been out of reach.
Should have been born a T-Rex.
Who was I meant to be, What life was I destined to live? Stranded in this web of uncertainty, made to just simply survive.
Living…loving…knowing
Life is too far out of reach.
I’m here
And that’s enough.
I’m alive…even if I’m out of reach from myself.
For as long as I can remember, never have i experienced the gratification of knowing what Home felt like. No sense of safety or belonging.
Family wasn’t solid, more like every man for themselves. A constant war raging within everyone.
Like the never ending story, the nothingnes was consuming us all.
Like Ferngully our forest ripped from the ground, I had to get away as fast as i could.
I guess the soil was loose and my roots weren’t meant for that forest bed.
Wondering and wondering, longing and yearning. picked up new leaves of all colors, and grew thick bark.
I made the best of every season, some easier than others.
I’ve had a few woodpeckers, lumberjacks and termites. Almost gave in to the dead of winter.
They say you can’t grow and bloom without a little bit of rain. As soon as the snow melted, the brightest of green leaves filled my bare Branches.
I felt stronger, then along came the hands of nurture, every thumb greener than the last.
My roots although they are shallow and can’t reach earths core, I finally unerstood my growth and ignorance.
Home was the destination, I couldnt have found it without the journey.
My roots may be knotted and sticking up out the ground.
My roots may be weathered through time.
My roots are shallow, but they are finally at Home.
This may seem obvious. This may seem stupid when said outloud. Life seems to last forever, but this forever goes by in the blink of an eye. From our first breath to our last ,for lack of better words… takes a life time,haha. This life, it all seems so small. This life just seems so pointless. The question that echoes through every humans brain….whats the purpose of life, our lives… a never ending ringing in our ears. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!! has nobody stopped asking why? has anyone just lived without impending doom!? I’m alive and that should be enough. My existence, your existence, all of us none of it matters. Humanity sits and ponders, imagines and kills just to find an answer. Searching and searching and searchin and searching for a answer. An answer to a unaswerable question. We wont be here in the next few hundreds, thousands of years. there wont be any one of us left to remember. So why? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? Let yourself exist, let yourself live,let yourself love. Allow yourself to just be. Make our little infinity worth it, for yourself and those you love. None of us make it outta here alive anyway. so why not make it worth our while? The physical word we live in will fade, but the constant flowing energy that we are made of will never die.
Boy does the city radiate at night. Every twinkling light like stars on a clear country night.
Here i am again. HIgh above the city, or just euphoria. HIGH.
I used to be proud of my horizon. now im terrified of losing the light. High above the city, or just nostalgia. HIGH.
Lost in the light reflecting on the river. Wishing i could dance with the fairies. HIGH.
I’m high above the city, im high above the city. Watch me fly… Im afraid of coming down. I’m HIGH…. HIGH above the city.
And theres no coming down.
