I wake up hot and sticky. The world around me has been melted away and all that is left are pools of lava and rock. My scream is over powered by those screaming around me. Everything burns, from head to toe I feel ignited by heat. I try to breathe and look around more. I don’t see anyone, but I can imagine from the screams what is happening. I try to stand up and a pain shoots through my left arm. I look and realize it’s pinned under a rock. I keep pulling until my arm is free. Do I look? My arm is unrecognizable, mangled, coved in blood and unmovable. I scurry to my feet and start running. I come across a river of water and put my working hand in, it’s boiling hot. I keep running until I come across a small opening. I crawl in and on the other side is more ruin. I push myself forward and come across more water, this one a bearable temperature. I dive in and the current takes me out onto a street. It looks like home, but overgrown. It feels familiar yet distantly strange. I wipe the tears from my eyes and start walking. I’m not sure how much time I have left before the lava reaches me, but I’ve already wasted so much energy. I spot a CVS down the street and head inside. I grab all the alcohol and bandages I can carry in one hand. I climb behind the pharmacy counter and get to work on my hand. My once bloody covered fingers are black and my hand has swelled. I grab a long forgotten bottle of water from behind the counter, it’s half full. I bite down on my shirt, preparing for the pain, turn my head, and pour the water on my hand. Nothing, I felt nothing. I looked back and my hand was oozing a clear pus. A new and strange smell shot through my nose. It reminds me of the dead armadillo I passed on my way to school when I was younger, the smell of old flesh. “You should cut it off. It’s gangrene.” Startled by this new voice, I jump. A tall, shaggy man was standing before me. “I can help you out if you’d like.” He pulls a machete out from behind his back and approaches me. I try to get up to run, but my index finger crumbles as I put pressure on my useless hand. He smiles, “I promise I’m here to help. It’ll only hurt a little.” I close my eyes and look away. I felt the cold machete kiss my skin. The room is silent, “alright, take a deep breath.” He lifts up the machete and my world turns black. I wake up with my arm wrapped tightly with gauze. Everything below my elbow is gone, but I can still feel it there. On my lap, a prescription, DILAUDID: Take as directed by your Doctor or see outsert for usual dosage information. Funny, my “doctor”is no where to be found.

My room has been scrubbed from roof to floor I cleaned it from morning til night Soon is the time the pain goes away And not a single soul is in sight

I run a hot bath and slowly climb in It’s silly I know this thought I’m in this warm bath and all I can think Is do I add bubbles or not

I decided to add them to relax my soul I watch as they glisten and glow I reach with my toes to turn the water off And grab the razor above me so slow

I take a deep breath and look all around I put the blade to my skin Content with this choice, I then hear a voice “You need music to help you ease in”

I climb out the bath and grab a speaker I shuffle and scroll through a list Nothing seems fit to guide me through this So I put on the radio to assist

Back in the bath I close my eyes I pray and then pay the price I cut both my wrist and sink down below It burns and tingles so precise

There’s no bright light just pain and regret As time begins to leave I scream out for help but no one is here This was my goal to achieve

I slip down below the water so cold My head hit as it dropped I shivered and gave in to the darkness Until finally, the chill stopped.

I’ve been out of work for 4 months. My boyfriend, Jimmy, took me in after I left my parents house. He doesn’t say it, but I can tell that not working has been bothering him. He’s in his first year of law school and has a lot on his plate. I’ve tried so hard to find a job, but no one has called me back. I see an open job interview for a bar downtown. I know for sure if I can get in front of the owner the job is mine, I was always better in person than on paper anyways. I schedule my interview for 5pm Friday. It works out because Jimmy gets out of school around that time and I can just catch a ride back with him. I get excited and tell him about the job. He tried not to show me his noticeable excitement. I check the bus and train routes and plan to arrive 30 minutes early. I can stop at the 7eleven downtown and grab a drink and some gum beforehand. Then, if I have time, I can stop by his school and freshen up in the bathroom before heading to the bar.

Friday comes around and I wake up. I grab my navy button up shirt, black jeans, and a cardigan. I purchase my bus pass for the day and toss my charger in my bag. Shower, brush my teeth, curl my hair, put on makeup, and off I go. I head to my bus stop and wait. I check the time, 3:26pm. Great, 4 minutes to spare. I pull up twitter on my phone and search around. I check the time again and it’s 3:51pm. Buses are always late in Dallas so I don’t think much about it. I do some more scrolling, 15 minutes have passed and still nothing. I start to panic but take a breath and replan my route. I wait for the 4:15pm bus and hop aboard when it comes by. I’m a little behind, but decide if I don’t stop it should make up time.

The bus makes it downtown and I dart to my train. I check my makeup as the train passes by stations, stopping and going, picking up and dropping off. I can’t help but check the time over and over again. I finally distract myself by looking out the window. I notice it’s getting a bit dark outside. I pray to God that the rain doesn’t start until I make it to my destination. I hear my station called and get off the train. I feel a drop of rain kiss my cheek on it’s way down, as if to congratulate me on this awful day. I check my phone and see that I have 15 minutes to make it to my interview. I start walking and check for the fastest route. I’m 10 minutes away on foot if I walk fast. The rain started to pour down. It was hot and sticky like right before a tornado. I pulled out my umbrella and turned my walk into a run. As I ran street to street my umbrella was slowly dying. I watched it turn inside out as the wind swept though it. I refilled the umbrella and shoved it back into my bag. I figured if I was a little wet the owner would understand. I finally made it to my final street. I waited for the walk sign to change and darted across the street. I made it to the sidewalk and felt my leg give out…then I felt nothing but cold. I had fell straight into a puddle. I huge, muddy, wet puddle. I tried to get up but the world had finally won and I just stayed there. A guy came up behind me like an angel and pulled me up. I said thanks and just stood there looking down at myself. I took a breathe and the rain stopped. I turned around and walked to Jimmy’s school. He met me outside smiling. I ran up and started crying and explained my day. He asked if I went to the interview and I lied and said yes because I couldn’t deal with disappointing him too. I told him the owner understood and laughed, but in reality I just couldn’t handle being someone else’s story. The story of the wet girl that came in for an interview and choked back tears the whole time. The icing on this bad day cake was having to walk through a law school soaking wet with smeared makeup. I could feel the weird looks from the people all around. When we made it to the car I undressed in the parking garage and put on Jimmy’s oversized emergency clothes. Shivering in an oversized blue hoodie and blue jeans, I placed my head on the window and let the tears flow down. I knew this was a day that I’d laugh about in the future, but right now it just stung.

As I carried in my last box, I felt a wave of accomplishment wash over me. I finally moved out of my parents house and couldn’t wait to enjoy my newfound freedom. I sat the box down and plopped on the couch. Fresh paint filled my nose and the sunlight danced on the walls around me. The nagging urge to unpack screamed in the back of my mind, but I wanted to take in this moment forever. I let myself drift into a deep sleep. I woke up and grabbed my phone to check the time. The battery was dead. If I had unpacked earlier I could of charged it and my car was too far away for my tired legs to fathom walking. I got up and went to the bathroom. I watched the toilet paper swirl down the toilet and walked over to my sink. As I turned on the water I could hear laughs and music coming from the vent above me. As I finished washing my hands and turned off the water I found myself listening into the voices coming from above. I couldn’t make out every word. Just a few shrieks from girls and a guy yelling, “what, I’m serious!” I ran and grabbed a box labeled “BEDROOM: HEAVY” and set it up next to my sink. I climbed onto it and put my ear against the vent. “Let’s do this tonight! I have everything we need and we’re all here! Come on guys!” I heard a deep lively voice say followed by overzealous cheers of agreement. I couldn’t help but laugh. This guy was obviously hammered. I must of put to much weight on the box when I laughed because I went crashing into the center of it. I screamed as I landed on my bottom. I heard the music stop and the same overpowering voice from before telling everyone to quiet down. He asked if they heard that noise and everyone teased him. He reassured them that he heard a yell and said it sounded like it came from the vent on the floor. I quickly gathered myself and went to sit on the couch. I couldn’t help but feel foolish. How would they know I listened in. I started unpacking and found my phone charger. I plugged it in and heard a knock on my door. I went and looked out the peephole and saw a tall, brunette man. He was wearing a long sleeve black shirt with the buttons unbuckled at the top. His muscular arms were nearly popping the sleeves. His brown hair was neatly parted and combed to the side and his crystal blue eyes shined even through the warped glass of the peephole. I slightly opened the door and smiled, “can I help you?” “Yeah, I thought I heard a scream and figured I’d better come to check if you were okay. These walls are paper thin.” He said with a sly grin that made my insides warm. “Oh? Yeah! I just dropped a box in my bathroom and it frightened me,” I said shyly, “I didn’t realize anyone could hear me. Are you…next door?” I knew the answer to my question, but I couldn’t help but feel clever in the moment. “No, I’m your upstairs neighbor. I heard the scream from my floor vent so just assumed it had to be from this apartment. Did you just move in?” “Yeah. Just finished unloading a little bit ago.” “Well, if you ever need any help I’m right upstairs,” he smiled again and away I melted, “I’m Leo by the way.” “Lillith” “Well nice to meet you Lillith. Be careful moving those boxes.” He winked and backed away from my door. His cologne filled the air as he turned away. I shut my door and leaned against it. I think I’m going to like it here.