If silence had a scent, it would smell like the woods after a rainstorm. Just after, when you can still smell the rain on the leaves and the petrichor from the soil. It can be the first breath you take in the morning, stiring from a long dream and no one else is awake yet. You can open the window, smelling the crisp morning air while you watch the sun slowly rising. Silence also smells like a candle being blown out, letting the smoke drift up before you put the lid back on. It also smells like the sweat clinging to your skin, soaking through your shirt and matting your hair. It could be from fear, or adrenaline, but the same musky scent still hits your nose. If silence had a scent, it would smell like everything all at once, and then suddenly, nothing.
We were kissing under the moonlight. Darren had taken me on a romantic nighttime picnic to the park where we met, a gingham blanket on the grass under the tree where we first bumped into each other 5 months ago. Right now, my back is pressed against the tree, Darren's hands roaming my body, feeling every dip and curve he can while his heavy lips are smashed against mine. I weave my hands in his thick, wavy hair, pulling him more into me. Darren's hands lower to my shorts hanging on my hips, causing me to gasp and pull away from our steamy exchange. "Are you okay?" he breathes, worry written in his eyes. "Yeah, i'm fine. Sorry I just..." Darren lifts my shirt to look where he was touching, his eyebrows knitting together at the scar running down my side to my thigh. "What happened?" He's stares at the jagged line on my side, waiting for an answer. After what feels like an eternity, his honey eyes meet mine. "Who hurt you, Melody?" His once bright eyes, now are filled with confusion and fear. "I'm fine. Really." I start, trying to pull my shirt back down to cover the mark, a reminder that I try to avoid as much as possible. "You don't have to worry about it. It's already in the past and not bothering me anymore." I sigh, giving up on trying to unweave my shirt clenched in his fingers as I look back up to his eyes. I can almost see the flames of his anger, making me blush with shame and look down. Finally Darren releases the edge of my shirt, letting it fall to cover the scar again. "It does bother you though. When I touched it you flinched and pulled away from me. You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to, but it may help me understand better and make you feel better about what happened." He crosses his arms, making his huge chest seem even bigger, while I just feel smaller and frail. "My ex did it." I whisper. "We got in a fight, I ended up with this giant, ugly scar that I can't hide unless i'm covered from my side down to my thigh." I wince, the memories flooding back into my vision and once again, i'm back in my old apartment trying to defend myself. "Hey, it's okay." I can hear Darren's voice trying to pull me back to reality, his hand gently taking mine in his. "It's not okay." A tear escapes my eye, trailing down my face as I remember everything from that night. "I had gotten home late from work. He was upset with me for being so late, even though it was only 20 minutes and I had tried to let him know." The words rush from my mouth, unable to stop them. "I walked in the front door and he was sitting at he kitchen table, the dinner he had made us cold. When I went over to him, he had said I was late for our date night and he made my favorite meal, steak with potatos, which was now cold." I pause again, trying to swallow and realizing how dry my throat and mouth were. "He had picked up the plate, standing and turning towards me. He told me how he tried to make me happy, but that was useless like I was. Next thing I know, the plate is shattered against the wall next to me and he's picked up the fork to throw next. I dodged the fork by a hair as it was flung at my head. The next thing he grabbed was the knife." I stop myself, looking into Darren's eyes. His face had softened a bit, but the fury in his eyes was still there. "I tried to run from him, but he was faster. Stuck me in the leg, and when I fell, he fell with me and it was pulled down to my thigh. I was able to escape him doing more damage by running to the neighbor's apartment next door. They let me in, let me call the cops, all while he was banging on the door trying to get to me. When the cops finally showed up, they pulled him away and arrested him. I remember how close he was to getting in. How close I was to..." I trail off, letting Darren imagine the rest. "I'm fine now." I end the story, looking at the ground. Darren puts his fingers under my chin and pulls my face up to look him in the eyes. "Listen, I would never hurt you. That dirtbag was wrong and deserves worse than what he got." He keeps looking me in the eyes, thinking through what I told him. "Is that way you hate being late? Why you refuse to eat any steaks I try to cook?" I nod. "Well, thank you for telling me. It also doesn't make me think any less of you. You're brave and strong. You got away. Which led you here where I got the chance to fall in love with you under this tree." New tears stinged my eyes. This is the first time he's said he loved me. I won't make him regret it.
I can still feel his arms around me, engulfing me in a big bear hug. The way I always felt so protected when he was around. I can hear his laugh, filling up the emptiness of the house, or how loud he was at one of my school concerts cheering me on from the audience even when I messed up. I can smell his cologne wafting after him as he meandered upstairs before bed.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. The day I lost the most amazing father figure. The one who would do anything and everything he could to make sure I was happy. Before I had left the house to go to summer camp, I was such a bitch to him. Yelling about how I'd see him later that week, even though it turned out to be somewhat of a lie.
The day had started like any other that week. I got out of bed, showered and went off to my music classes. It was sunny outside, maybe some clouds were hanging in the blue sky. I was in my chorus class going over some difficult parts of a german song that we were supposed to be memorizing, when the young man came into the room interrupting, saying I needed to pack up and come with him. As I packed my binder into my bag, I was thinking about what might have happened. Why was I being pulled out of a class I was so excited for? On the walk to his office, he says my Mom and Papa were here. As we walked through the door, my Mom was sitting on the couch, tears in her eyes. The first words to leave my mouth, "Who died?". I sat next to my Mom, my Papa standing next to us as she said it was Tom. I broke. I hugged her tightly and started weaping. I went home with them and remember just laying in my bed, not sure what to do.
The funeral day came, and my Auntie Tammy smelled of bleach. She tells me that it was because her shirt had a stain and she couldn't finish drying it in time. We got to the funeral home and the rool is all too quiet. People tell stories of Tom. None of it mattered. I get up to go say goodbye, looking at his once bright and smiling face to see a greyed out shadow of a reminder of who he was. I finally break. I can't hold it in any longer and start crying again. I say my goodbye to him, remembering how I never actually told him I loved him even though my heart was breaking into thousands of pieces at the loss of my almost Dad. We all go to the elks so that everyone can cheers to Tom's life and how he made all of our lives better. Half way through, my brother and I are ready to leave. My brother drives me back to the camp I was staying at, hugging me before I go inside and tells me how proud of me he is and how much he loves me. I'm still numb, but i'm at least hanging on to what little composure I have as I walk back up the stairs to bed.
My only regret, is not telling him I loved him before I left the house that day. He was and i'm sure still is very proud of me, but the world grew darker that day onward for me. I'd like to think he's somewhere, sitting in a chair and making friends, laughing at old stories he can tell.
My sister grabbed my arm, dragging me over to meet her new boyfriend. I dreaded meeting him. He's the new fling that she's hyperfocused on, even though she claims he will be "the one". I follow behind her - more like stumble behind her - until she stops in front of HIM. "Okay Rowen, this is my boyfriend! His name is Eric." I looked up at him through my lashes.
"Nice to meet you Rowen." Eric smirks in front of me, shifting from one foot to the other.
"I can assure you, the pleasure is all mine." I stare up into his eyes, a wildfire of heat raises in his features. Eric extends his hand and I gently take it in mine, feeling him shaking ever so slightly. I smile up at him, trying to hide the rosiness from my cheeks.
"So, Amelia tells me that you like to sing." he chokes on his words, trying to cover up what he knows. "Something about, making videos that you share on youtube or something?" My heart flutters at his words.
"I used to. I'm not too much into it right now. Currently i'm focusing on my writing." I think about how he would know about my singing, if Amelia really told him that, or if he's been keeping tabs.
"I'm going to go get some food and check in on a few people. I'll catch back up with you guys in a bit." Amelia slipped away from us, sashaying her hips and greeting the other people at the party.
"You know, Amelia tells me all good things about you, Eric." I stare at his lips a second too long, before looking back up at into his amber eyes, trying to not fall in deep. "You better not hurt him." I throw a gentle punch at his shoulder before looking away and hiding the heat on my face again.
"I never would hurt her. I've hurt too many people." Eric looks at me, almost with regret in his eyes. Slow dance music starts playing around us. Both of us look around as couples pair off and almost everyone is on the dance floor. Eric stretches his hand towards me, trying to not let it show how much he wants to hold my hand and spin me around the room.
I put some more space between us, holding the hand closest to him against my arm. I start digging my shoe into the floor, looking anywhere and everywhere except at him. Into his eyes that I so easily get lost in. "Amelia hasn't really told me much about you, not going to lie." I sigh out, finally looking back at him.
"She hasn't really told me much about you either." Eric's face was twisted, almost in pain. "I don't know how much she could have gone over in a week." he shrugs, letting the words hang in the air.
The song ends and Amelia is back with a small plate of food. "Soooooo how'd it go?" She looks so excited for her possible future.
"He's a good guy, sis. You picked a good one." I look over at Eric ruefully before looking back at Amelia. "I'm going to head out. You know how I am about parties." I wave my hand around us and hug her quickly before tossing a small smile and wave over my shoulder for Eric. I start walking away, feeling as if i'm breaking on the inside.
"I'll walk you out." Eric falls in step next to me, bumping our shoulders together gently as we walk. We get out to the front of the building before we stop. I took two steps back from him, trying to keep some distance between us.
"She's going to find out if you're not careful." I could feel my heart urging me to hug Eric again. He must feel it too, because as soon as the thought is in my head he rushes forward and envelopes me in a hug. I let out a hot breath, shaking as a tear streams down my face. "Be good to her." I squeeze him one more time before letting go and swiping at my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry Rowen. " Eric has to stop from reaching back out for me, making fists at his side.
"Just be good to my sister. Please." I turn then, feeling my heart shattering all over again as I get into my car and speed away, refusing to look back.
"I've known you since college. We moved in together in a house that I bought, with you promising to pay for half of the mortgage and half of the utilities. I've been paying everything, feeding you, keeping the roof over our heads and you're telling me that I'm stressing you out?" I looked over the table at Bella, anger bubbling to the surface with everything that's happened.
"Well, i've been helping my mom pay the bills at her house so they can keep the house. You haven't really made it easy to live with you." Bella looks down at the table. "Like, come on Melissa, you don't even do your dishes right away."
I look at Bella and look around the kitchen. "You realize that cleaning the kitchen and doing the 5 dishes in the sink is the first thing you've actually done for the house, right? I've taken care of everything with you not keeping your promises to me." I glare at her, feeling everything from the last 5 months coming out, finally. "You didn't have to move in with me. I can take care of the house myself."
Bella looks up at me with that, her eyes seething with something. "I didn't ASK to move in. I didn't ASK you to pay all the bills. I have to drive an hour to work and an hour back. Gas is expensive." she pauses to wipe a tear from her cheek, but I'm not going to let her continue.
"You DID ask to move in. You kept PROMISING to pay half the bills. I even offered to lower them because I know that gas is espensive. Hell, i've offered to pay your damn gas bill so you can get to work each day!" I'm yelling at this point, standing from my chair with both hands on the table between us.
"Well you haven't made it EASY!" She yells back at me. "You think I want to keep breaking my promises with you? I can't talk to you anymore about what i'm feeling without feeling guilty over not paying you back and for you paying for everything. I feel like you're holding it over my head!" Bella sinks back into her chair again.
I'm not going to give her sympathy for feeling guilty about something she should have told me about. I could have helped. "I make you feel guilty without ever bringing it up that i've been paying for everything. I only have asked you for rent twice since you've moved in. That was AFTER giving you 3 months of free rides from me. You don't think i'm not exhausted from working all the time while you give everything to your parents and spend more time there than you do here?" Bella looks back up at me again. "I don't think I can do this anymore."
Bella's eyes say she's breaking inside. "I have felt like i've wanted to die since i've moved in here." As that bomb settles beside us, I take a deep breath.
"Then leave." I pause, taking a breath. "If you feel like you have wanted to die since you got here, leave. I'm not going to force you to stay. But this is it. I'm done with the emotional abuse from you. Get your shit. Get out of my house." I glare at her longer, until she gets up from the table and goes back to her room on the other end of the house.
I grab my cat and go back to my room, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes at the loss of a friend i've known for 4 years. How did this happen? Am I really to blame for this? I was there for her when her boyfriend broke up with her, when we spent endless nights up partying. What happened?
I get a text from Bella but choose to ignore it. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I pet my cat, cuddling him close to my chest, his fur tickling my nose as he purrs and nuzzles deeper into my arms. After what feels like hours, I pull out my phone. I look at the message from Bella.
Bella: Im sorry. I can't do this anymore. I won't be a prisoner in your house. We can still be friends, but I just can't live with you. I'm leaving for my parent's house now. I'll let you know when I get there.
I breathe out a sigh, feeling the burden of caring for two adults on my small paycheck slip from me. I didn't know how stressed i've been from this. Bella had been trying to get me to stay home more, instead of visiting my Mom even though she was at her parent's house every night. She wanted me to not let anyone into the house she didn't approve of. The one time I had asked to bring one of my other friends over she agreed, then hid in the bathroom until he left, telling me that I shouldn't have brought him over because he made her uncomfortable in "her" house. Now she's telling me she wants to die while living here, throwing that at me like I should be in control of her emotions.
Thinking back over everything in the last 5 months makes me realize something. This was such a toxic friendship. She's been making me feel bad about things that I have no way of controlling. She says yes, then changes her mind about things all the time, saying I never asked her and she's not comfortable with my choices. I feel tears well in my eyes. I will Never let someone control me like this again. Bella will never have a say over how I live my life again. I quickly open her contact in my phone and think about blocking her. No. I need to wait until she moves out. Then I can block her. I set the phone back down and keep cuddling with my cat, hoping that this never happens again.
Everyone i've come across at school has been whispering about the new guy. They try to hide it, but all of them are so giddy about his looks that it's hard to not roll my eyes. Even my best friend Morgan has been telling me about him all week through text. Morgan: His hair is so sexy, the black waves bounce with every step he takes. Morgan: Oh! Morgan: His eyes are like swimming in the ocean with the sun beating down heating everything up but not in a sweltering heat, but like a heat that curls your toes and makes you want to bask all day long. I ignore her texts and shove my phone back into my jeans pocket, grabbing my sweater from the closet. I look in the mirror, pulling at the blond curly mess on top of my head, trying to get it tamed but failing miserably. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket a few more times, most likely Morgan texting me more about the new guy I haven't met yet and how "amazing" he is. He's only been here for a week and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has their sights set on him. I swipe some mascara over my lashes and look in the mirror one last time to make sure that I look okay. I'm exhausted from staying up too late last night doing homework and responding to Morgan, even though it was all about "new guy".
I grab my bag and head down the stairs to the kitchen to grab some coffee before heading to school. My phone is trying to buzz out of my jeans, so I grab it and start reading more texts from Morgan. Morgan: Oh my gosh! He's single!!! Can you even believe a hunk like him would be single? Everyone keeps talking about how amazing he is and how he's so oblivious to his looks. Can you even imagine... I roll my eyes and shoot off a quick text telling her that I can't imagine it (even if I don't believe a word she's saying) and that I'll meet her by my locker. I hop into my Jeep and roll the windows down as soon as the car is on. My phone is still blowing up with messages from Morgan as I turn on drive mode and pull up Spotify. I put on my liked songs playlist and pull out of the driveway. This is going to be a long day.
When I make it to school, all eyes are darting around looking for the new guy. I head over to my locker and open it, starting to unload and store my books from my bag. "Hey Eve! Did you see the latest text I sent you? Turns out the new guy is from a different school and is going to finish out the year here. Isn't that amazing! We get some new eye candy!" Morgans bubbly outburst grates my ears as I take a sip of my coffee. I look deep into her chocolate eyes and try to figure out why she's so crazy about this guy. He's just a new student, not a god. Morgan continues to blab about how sexy she thinks he is while I just watch her trying to figure out if she's wearing her dress so low on purpose, trying to flaunt her curves. She even made sure to straighten her wavy auburn hair this morning and slather makeup on. What is with this girl?
Morgan pauses as if just looking at me for the first time. "Wait, did you not sleep well? You look like crap." Her eyes roam from my messy bun on top of my head all the way down to my converse then back up to my face again. "Seriously, you look like you've been hit by a truck."
"Oh gee, thanks Morgan." I roll my eyes at her. "I stayed up late to finish the science project last night and an english paper. I didn't go to bed until 3 this morning." I keep drinking my coffee, hoping it will wake me up more.
Morgan's eye widen as she's looking behind me. I start turning around as a voice says, "You know, I hear it's not a good thing to go to school with less than 5 hours of sleep." I look up into the most gorgeous eyes blue eyes i've ever seen. This must be the new guy. "Although, some studies say that all you need is 4 hours." He winks at me.
I'm SO not in the mood for this. "And who made you the expert?" I eye him carefully, waiting for a response. He just shrugs his shoulders and stands there, looking down at me. "What no comeback?" I see something flash in his eyes, but before I can figure out what it is, he has a blank look plastered on his face.
"I was just trying to be part of the conversation." He starts to walk away, Morgan oogling at him and almost drooling. "I'll see you in class, Eve." he throws over his shoulder.
"Oh. My. Gosh!!! Did that really just happen? He was talking to you! He hasn't talked with anyone yet and believe me, plenty of people have tried. He's ignored all of them until now." Morgans eyes are bright as she looks at me. The bell rings, signaling the 2 minute warning. "I'll text you." Morgan scurries towards her first class as I walk the other way to mine, hoping not to have to deal with anyone else.
I get to the class and find that the new guy is standing at the front, talking with Mr Reed in hushed whispers. I find my seat at the two person table that no one bothers to sit in. Everyone in class has their eyes glued to the new guy's face and are leaning forward in their seats. I roll my eyes, pulling out a notebook and pen as Mr Reed starts talking. "Good Morning, Everyone. We have a new student with us for the rest of the school year. Please welcome Darren to the class." Mr Reed looks towards Darren as everyone else is either batting their eyelashes or goofily smiling at Darren. "You can sit in the last open seat next to Eve." Mr Reed points at the seat next to me, as Darren saunters over with a smile plastered on his face.
"Hey, do you have any paper and a pen I could borrow? I haven't had time since the move to unpack anything from my last school." He smiles down at me, trying to charm me i'm sure. I slide a second pen and a piece of paper his way as he winks and thanks me before looking forward for today's lesson.
While Mr Reed is talking, I hear whispers all around me, from girls hating on me to the guys in class grumbling about how they've not heard Darren talk to any of them yet either. I catch a glimpse of Darren out of the corner of my eye and notice he's about a foot taller than I am, probably 6 feet tall and how his dress shirt clings to his arms. He must feel me looking at him because he turns and smiles at me, his eyes sparkling and a dimple showing on his face. "Like what you see?" he whispers to me. I roll my eyes and try to focus back on the history lesson from Mr Reed. Darren nudges me. "I'm sorry. Everyone has been gawking at me all week. You're the first person to actually treat me like i'm just another guy. It just also helps that one of the nicest people i've talked to is also one of the prettiest." My cheeks heat up as I try not to freeze my writing. Is he hitting on me?
The rest of class flies by with Darren still trying to start conversations and everyone around us angry that i'm the only one he's talked to this week. As the bell rings, I start to pack up and Darren puts a hand on my arm. "I know that what I said was forward, i'm sorry. I just..." he pauses, letting his hand slip from my arm and back down to the desk. I hear him take a deep breath as he continues. "You're one of the only people not staring at me constantly and whispering about how you want to jump me or be me." I look in his eyes and see a fire starting to form before he blinks and it's gone. "If you're up for it, i'd like to hang out with you. Could I maybe text you?" He looks at my phone on my desk and then back to me. I nod, mumbling that would be fine, then hand him my unlocked phone on a new contact page. He quickly enters in his information and then sends himself a text so that he has my number. "I'll see you around Eve." He stands up and starts to leave, only turning to say "Nice background by the way."
I feel my face go red as I watch Darren leave the classroom. I look down at the background on my phone which shows Morgan and I after sticking each other's nose in our ice creams and taking a selfie. I can feel butterflies in my stomach for some reason. What the heck is that all about. My phone buzzes as I look down and see Darren's name with a smirk emoji next to it. Darren: Thanks for the phone number. I'll text you later on when we should hang out just you and me. I find myself grinning at the phone in my hand before shaking my head and stuffing my phone into my pocket. I sling my bag over my shoulder and head out the door to my next class. What is going on with me?
