I bought the biggest mirror I could find. I set it against my wall, stood back and stared. Disheveled I looked as my mind began its usual incineration of my body, until my glance changed to my eyes. Staring for so long real life began to fade.
I felt a cold wood under my feet. A brisk morning breeze sent a comforting chill down my spine. This is an unrecognizable satisfaction.
Peering up to a front yard, with a rusted old fence. My children ran past chasing each other. Their laughs levitated into the air, filling it with the simplest joy I have never experienced.
You came up behind me and touched my arm, laying your soft cheek on my shoulder. The scent of rose perfume filled my senses as we peered out into this new reality.
My glance snapped back to my broken gaze. Face now flushed, my eyes began to fog.
I am a penitent man today. I feed as though I can do no right. Dread has consumed my lungs, leaving me with no breath. This, a day where I must fill rooms with bright smiles and community assurance That I am good enough.
I am not good enough. I do not know the depths of myself as others do. I do not protect those who need salvation. Yet I possess nothing, and _destroy everything. _
You’ve come back, but I no longer need you. Fantastic Phantasm; yearning for me. I’ve left you behind as the cold and shrewd, your hold on me, forever engrossing. You’ve come back, in an unexpected way. Memories mislead me; a mist of murk. Intentionality—the way you stay, In an attempt to make everything work. Loss lamently laughs; harken in the humor. A seraphic soul, the journey begins. The angels trumpets blow, the night bloomer You’ve come back, once more for the final time I found resolve; now I can say goodbye.
In the night when I can’t Find my self reliance I escape the silence I escape the violence
Underneath the door frame I listen to your pain I will see the shadows I will see the gallows
We are Hiding hiding
Underneath the bedding I will hide my head in Block out all of the sound There is no one around
Looking out the window Letting all the time go I have found a new place Temporary mistakes
We are Hiding
Run away from here Eliminating all fear You will be the savior You will take the favor
Staring out h the rearview No longer to see you Eternal forgiveness You will be the witness
We are hiding
I fail every day Exhale all the pain Relentless imprisonment Forget this existence
Everlasting diffidence Rotting in my ignorance
I’ll beg myself for confidence Inspect myself like documents Comparison melts my ice Won’t look myself in the eyes
Everlasting diffidence Rotting in my ignorance Searching for my inner bliss Clawing out of the abyss
I am decaying. Deteimental deception, there is no escape. Stick in these silent systemic walls. I am decaying. Pick up, light up, put down. Pick up, light up, put down. I am decaying. The outside is visible; its beauty is calling to me. Nature arousing within me; it remains elusively beyond. I am decaying. Why have I chosen this for myself? When will my waining body will itself out? I am decaying. Fuck all of this. Escape is eminent. Determined, I decamp from damp dark days. I am decaying, But the earth will envelope me— And I will _regrow again. _
Clicks on hardwood floors, Anticipation building.
Saunter over as if you never have before; For the millionth time.
_Gently jump _ _Fabric ponder _
You circle like a shark, Deciding its next meal.
Everything precise. Everything peaceful.
Sharp love will pierce my skin— As you settle in place.
No need to rush; We will savor these moments together.
The elevator hits the final floor You settle into your favorite spot.
Jet plane rumbles on my chest. Fragile fur falls on my face.
These are moments I will never regret doing nothing.
