”He’s my brother.”
I sat across from her, glaring. Watching. Seeing if she’d dare testify against me. I felt my cheeks redden and my eyebrows knit together as I tapped my nails rapidly on the kitchen table and filled the vast silence that seemed to overflow the room.
Her lip trembled. Only slightly.
”So what?!” She shrieked back, slamming her fists on the other end of the table, making it thud against my leg. ”He’s not allowed to choose me?! Surely I’m the best because you know me.”
”you agreed-
”I DIDN’T AGREE SHIT!” She burst out, letting the tears flow freely down her cheeks in little streams, and beginning to pace in what little kitchen space we owned. ”He makes me happy. If you were my friend you’d cherish that.”
”You agreed to stop this.” I stopped tapping. Instead I looked up to face her as she cried patheticallyly. Sue Marthers, always the victim. Never to blame. The atmosphere seemed to wrap cold against my shoulders, embracing me in an unwanted hug as the situation dawned on me. Even my best friend can’t choose the guy she likes before me.
An arm rested on my shoulder.
I looked up.
Still glaring.
”Look,” She began, ”If you let me go out with him, so we can both be happy. You’ll never have to hear from me again.”
I shrugged off the hand. ”Ah yes, until there’s the wedding, where I sit in the back and try not to interrupt.”
”Katelyn-
”I don’t think we can be friends.”
The statement was simple and punctual. So punctual in fact, it seemed to puncture her heart right there and then. making her face deflate into more snot and tears as she let out a whine.
”you know what, GOOD!” She shoved me. Not enough to hurt. But enough to get the message across. The kitchen tiles clicked as my sneakers stopped my fall.
We were done. Weren’t we?
I sighed, taking a step towards her. ”Can you promise me one thing?”
She growled. ”WHAT?!”
”You’ll learn from this.”
She spat at me. The silence lingered for a few painful seconds more, until she turned her back and trotted out to the front hall.
I heard the door slam. I smiled wearily, sipping my cup of coacoa and not thinking about her, but instead, on the new daffodils growing up the windowsill, promising a new beginning.
Jordan was dying.
It didn’t take Harriet long to realise this. The boy was completely hunched over, walking like a weak newborn deer as he wobbled over to her, before collapsing onto the floor. His eyes darted around, scared and embarrassed.
She ran over to him and crouched on the floor. She grabbed his hand and held it to her cheek, crying softly. Jordan was their leader, he couldn’t go. She wouldn’t allow it.
”We need to get you help.”
He finally made eye contact, smiling sadly. ”You and I both know that’s not happening girlie.”
She shook her head. ”Shut up! It will-
Her breath became faster and faster, realising this was the beginning of a panic attack.
She thumped an angry fist into the dirt beside him, listening to the sounds of war booming in the distance.
Jordan for once seemed tired. He brought her hand to his mouth and brushed bloody lips against the knuckles softly. Her body shook with tears as she kept imagining the diffrent ways in which she could of prevented this, the ways she could’ve protected him. The failure felt like a heavy blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders, suffocating her by every second.
”You okay, dear?”
”Stop.” She didn’t know what to do. But there was so many things she wished to say in this moment, but her mind fell blank.
”Don’t make this about me.”
Jordan frowned. ”What do you want me to do?”
Harriet though for a moment, before making a move to lie beside him. She didn’t care about the mud. She curled up against his form and held his hand.
”I want you to talk. Say the things that make you happy.”
He nodded, squeezing her hand gently.
”For starters, there’s you. The way you don’t care about anyones opinions, the way you snort when you laugh-
”Oh c’mon, that’s ugly and you know it.” She allowed herself to smile.
With that, she listened to his low breathing, feeling the slowed heart through his chest as it took it’s last beats.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, together, until the end.
1.... 2... 3.
Silence.
She hugged him tighter. She knew he was gone, but she still couldn’t bare to let him go. When she thought of Jordan, she thought of forever. Life after the war. Growing older. But everything she hasd was ripped from her with a single bullet.
Now, she needed to say Goodbye.
Dear Teenage Self,
I know your feeling like you won’t make it. Like you’ve just fallen short of the finish line and you want to go home. That feeling, that you’ve got, where you don’t think people will miss you if your gone, as if your a background character of your own story.
I wanted to tell you now, that things really are lovely in the future. No more pain... well less of it anyway. And guess what? You do have a guy who loves you! Crazy right?
Just push a little bit further. You’ll make it.
Sincerely,
Future you x
The winds howled and wailed like gathering of ghosts eerily shouting through the pines. I felt numb. The world around me wouldn’t stop spinning as I was pushed to and fro akin to a ragdoll, the icy air thickening around me and crystallizing on my leathery skin. It made my tips go as white as the sheets on the washing line beneath me.
It wasen’t long until I felt myself slowly pulling away from my tree, like a newborn child being ripped from its mother. I wanted to cry but no sounds came out of my lungs, my eyes already glazing over with frost.
A frantic women came out of the house across from me, sprinting up to the washing line as her red hair, whipped around like burning embers around her head in the powerful breeze. She ripped the clothes from the line and dumped them in the bucket nearby, cursing under her breath.
SNAP.
I felt myself detach from the tree. My path was that of a drunken waltz as the wind carried me towards the ground, unpredictable and fast. I shouted out to the women. No reply.
