Still waters run deep,
Behold the anaerobic desert of my mind:
Old grudges, words unsaid, sink to the bottom
And calcify.
Down and down and down,
I could drown a thousand times
In the time it would take me to open my mouth
So I scream.
Not out loud.
No.
Not where anybody could possibly hear—
Beneath the surface....
My heart still aches for you,
Tho I know you’re gone.
I counted the days, you know.
The days since I dug your grave.
The days since I tried to scrub the dirt from beneath my fingernails—
Unable to see my hands through the tears.
I don’t count the days any more.
The months, yes,
But the wound has scabbed over.
Sometimes something gets caught. Like today.
The scab ripped away and it’s fresh again.
I...
Day to day
Locked away
Those around me
Go around me
Nothing
A couple billion ants
Little worker bees
But for a moment
Just a moment
I start to wonder
The man who pushed
Past me onto the bus
Maybe
Couldn’t be late an interview
And maybe
The woman on her phone
in the park
Just got the news her grandma died
And maybe even
Every single soul
Is the main character
Of their own narrative
Eight bil...
Open skies beckon in something broader.
Would that that pale Carolina blue
Would crack and tremble
Beyond the midday hue
And the clouds that daily assemble.
Open skies beckon in something broader.
A wide dark cut with the light from a billion stars…
This can’t be all there is.
World weary and sore like all these old scars…
Where somewhere, somewhere out there ideas still fizz.
Open skies beckon...
Once upon a time, the land was merry and gay
The town folk laughed and chattered away
At least, that’s how it felt.
In my brain.
Before. I can barely remember it now.
The voices I can’t call to the fore
The noise and bustle a faint myth of yore.
Because things are different now.
The sunshine has dimmed for an eternal darkness
Merry is no longer made in this head
Not much is made at all
The energ...
Partings are sorrow
Sorrow so and such that I’ll never go
Go, going, gone
Gone, it was. A lie always
Always it was, pretty words
Words to drive a dagger into my heart
Heart, a strange euphemism
Euphemism for feelings and the softness of the mind
Mind that I prefer the pretty words to the organs on the table...
It is easier to tell someone the truth when you can’t see their face.
I know this is true, and I know I’m a coward.
As I hit send I feel it with all my being.
We’re done.
Two words, a long time coming.
I couldn’t say it in person. I never would’ve be able to.
Read. The little check mark alerts me to their knowledge.
And then the alerts start rolling in.
What’s wrong?
Can we talk about this?
Call ...
My mind plays tricks on me.
I know it does… so why do I always fall for them?
A thousand tiny hints.
A flicker of a thought..
Just a flicker.
In the back of my mind.
I didn’t hear it. I swear I won’t.
I refuse.
But there it is, again… louder this time.
What if? It always starts with a “what if”.
What if there’s a fire?
What if it were your fault?
What if…
And back I go. Again.
And again. And again...
