If your hand could reach inside my heart, what would you do with it? Would you protect it from being crushed into a thousand pieces? Would you keep it warm in the desperate cold of the night? Would you whisper to it that everything will be OK? Or would you tear it to shreds because I let myself be vulnerable to you? Would you crush it between your fingers so the last feeling I ever have is trapped? Would you rip it out and replace it with something that makes me good enough for you? I want to trust you with my heart, but that just makes me close it off even more.
Tears trace my cheek Staining my sorrow Stinging my open wounds He is gone Never coming back Into my sight.
Trees shade my steps Leaves caress my silhouette Wind whispers softly into my ears “Even the dead tell stories” And I stop in my tracks.
The house creaks with old wood The doors slam with wonder I wrap my blanket around distress Because even though I know he’s gone Even the dead tell stories.
Lines blurred the depths of impractical All of your tactics have held me accountable For not just the things that I did but the things you did Endless, infinite fractal Don’t know the things that I know that you lack All of the sun and the clouds and the storms you hid Thought that you could make me spin? Thought that you could make me lost? I know you thought you would win But I’m alive I can see the ghost within Scarred and damaged, where’s it been? I’m broken, shaken, take it in ‘Cause I’m alive under your skin.
Criss cross, through every cell in my Shattered and battered and ripped apart dry mind Labyrinth lullaby, here I come again Escaped through cracks in your fingers I’m Drowned again by the lock, “Once dry, reapply” Sound of the nightingale in a cave screaming “Amen” Nightmares, overgrown images Spiral through golden and silver and crimson Deepest wounds, there’s blood on my shoes and your hands Can’t break through anything, all of this Smallest, painful, shivering unrest I’ll go until each path inside you ran ‘Cause I’m alive under your skin.
“I missed you,” I sob as she lays on the blue carpet, her life pouring out to stain it purple. “I’m so sorry I was never there for you.”
“You were always there when…” She choked. “When I needed you,” her voice whispered. She spoke but her eyes were lifeless. “I love you.”
I fight back tears as I can’t say it back. Instead, I’m angry. “Always so selfish… YOU were never there for ME. Goodbye.”
Then her blood-soaked hands turned cold.
“UGGGGHHHHHH.” I stomped down the stairs in my ridiculous dress. “I don’t understand why we have to GO.”
My mom brushes something off my face. “We haven’t seen this part of our family in years. And your sister hasn’t visited us in so long.”
“I don’t care about her. I barely remember her. It’s not like she impacted my life very much.”
“Which is exactly why we’re going to this reunion.”
I shrug and storm off to put on my makeup.
“Kayla!” a somewhat familiar voice yells across the room. I get slammed by someone wrapping their arms around me. “Kayla, it’s me, Samantha!”
I blink in shock. She looks… just like me. A little older, a little rounder, but essentially the same person.
“Wow, you’ve grown so much since I went to school,” she says, examining my hair and face.
“I would say the same for you, but I don’t remember what you looked like,” I snap. Mom flicks the back of my head.
Samantha shakes her head. “Mom, it’s fine. It’s true, I haven’t visited in a really long time.”
“There’s a murderer in the room.”
I turn around. Behind me is a tall boy, probably a little older than me, smiling down. My silence makes it awkward. “I just meant, you seem down, is all.”
“Oh, ha, ” I say, hot in my tight dress and really wanting to leave this conversation forever. I turn on my heels and start down the hall, back to the main event.
His hand touches my shoulder. “You’re Kayla Westlyn, right?” I nod slightly in confirmation. “Nice to meet you. I’m going to kill you now.”
I’m shoved out of the way aggressively, and my ears are blasted with the sound of two gunshots.
Beyond the darkness I reach for the light But the light Stays just out of reach.
Beyond the cold I seek the warmth But the warmth Evades my seeking.
Beyond your hate I’m begging for your love But your love Ignores my begging.
I wish, just for once, That what lies beyond me Would lay beneath me; In my arms.
I can’t stop Thinking about how You can’t help But Talk to me I want you to Know I have always been your vent Even though I Can't delay You I don’t know if It is me thinking Or if it Is your voice I hear All The time when I don’t know if I am crazy or if I just remember
I don’t know if I am crazy or if I just remember The time when All I hear Is your voice Or if it It is me thinking I don’t know if You can’t delay Even though I Know I have always been your vent I want you to Talk to me But You can’t help Thinking about how I can’t stop
Twinkle, twinkle, little star How I wonder what you are… Light beaming, bright Shining Scattered, plotted beneath The veil of the dark Each spark A messenger; Trailing found They spin around I wonder what you are. I wonder why you are. I wonder, for as we gather The scrolls of knowledge You still have so much mystery.
Like painted words across The feared night sky Light from all but the stars Glimmers onto my fingertips. Careful of my mysteries For in it lies a final count Of steps to take. Heartbeat beats Footsteps step Rope burns from hesitation And I can’t stop it. Can you hear it? Can you hear it call? Minds twisted I wish it would stop The calling grasps my wrists Like a thousand chains Say yes Until a nod Is as automatic as your heartbeat.
When time ends, you won’t be here. Neither will I. I can’t explain the drunken dizziness of the hopeless thought that fighting finds worth in an abundance of naught, that trying doesn’t matter when there’s a period at the end of the sentence.
When time ends, fear becomes free and freedom smiles in the face of fear. Babies are born with a fresh start but their ripeness fades with shallow care.
When time ends, the slow growth will have been fast, the challenges will have been worthless. Because time is ruthless. We pity the loss but only reminisce on our accomplishments. Time doesn’t have a plan, only a pathway. When that pathway ends, we’re lost.
But we can always try to clear the rest of the way. Because time will never end, only our will to keep going.
