Patrick the Pirate

My twin brother Patrick invited me to his beach house to meet the THE ONE. The one he’s going to marry. I was wary. Patrick has had his share of awful girlfriends.

Let me describe Patrick. He is portly, balding and has a front tooth missing. He has a warm and ebullient personality and can make me laugh. Always.

I arrive to his beach house and was greeted on the front stairs b...