I had never been a fan of the outdoors. I particularly hated the woods. Yes, you may tell me it's good to be with Nature and that it helps clear the mind. Some anti-mosquito spray will help me cope with the inconvenience of the bushes. However, dear reader, as you keep reading my story you will realise I had a powerful reason to hate the woods. Especially at certain times of the month. Nothing to do with my womanhood either. But let me not digress.

The way I chose to make a living wasn't just because I really enjoyed it or was exceptionally good at it. It was a way to get what I needed to survive: human flesh. Don't be grossed out, dear reader, just keep reading.

Becoming a nurse opened the path to getting my odd feed. Usually after surgeries and transplants, there are leftovers. I was always the one offering to dispose of pieces of guts, tissue, bones, you name it. As soon as I sensed no one around me, I'd devour them like the ravenous beast I am. I was successful at the beginning but then became too hungry for leftovers. I tried going to the morgue, but slashing and gutting corpses became too risky.

The worst day came when I was caught red-handed. By my supervisor, Alan. He had been suspicious of my gory activities and I could smell his horny hormones from a distance. That's one of the secret powers of those who suffer - or benefit, I'll leave you to choose - from my condition. I can be in the Russian tundra and smell the Tuaregs crossing the Sahara desert. I can even smell your fear and disgust right now, dear reader.

But back to my story and as to why I hated the woods and the outdoors in general.

As I said above, this hatred was even worse at certain times of the month. A certain time when I go so vicious and hungry for human flesh that I cannot control myself. I CANNOT control myself. It's very important for me that you, dear reader, understand that I can't help it at all. I usually lock myself in my flat in a silver cage at that time and so far I have never killed anyone. The neighbours eventually got suspicious of all the growls and grunts, but I got the perfect companion: Terry, the terrifying Doberman. He'd bite the shit out of you but was loyal to me like no one. Not only did people believe he was the culprit of all the mess going around in my flat, but they dared not come too close to me.

But now my department manager wanted to take us all on a team building. Camping... I shivered when he told my team. I didn't look at him, but I knew Alan was looking intently at me. After the incident when he caught me eating a piece of liver, only one thing would stop him from telling everybody what I was doing. I gave him what he wanted in exchange for not asking me questions and remaining silent. I hated it but there were others like me out there. I couldn't take chances and let us all be caught just because Alan couldn't hold the dude under his pants. I didn't even understand what kind of kinky interest he had in me. I had been racking my brain for long, trying to figure out how to get rid of him, but I couldn't. Not without shedding blood.

Blood... A few days after the team building announcement, I gave it a serious thought as I sipped on a mug of wolfsbane tea. I had never killed anyone. I survived by eating dead organs and other human remains. However, the more I thought about this camping, the stronger the idea grew in my mind. What if Alan was attacked by a bear? There were quite a few in the woods where we were going to camp, all I had to do was lure him and pretend it had been an accident. Poor bears, poor Terry, but I had to do all I could to protect my secret.

People don't really think about the phases of the moon so I was safe there. Alan had never seen me transforming either, he just thought I was some kind of weird raw flesh eater. So, if I was careful, it could work.

The full moon was on Saturday. I did my best to get Alan drunk before nightfall and lured him to the lake. Everybody was busy drinking and listening to loud music and that suited my intentions like a glove.

'How would it feel to bang me by this lake under the bright full moon?' I asked him as I forced my tongue through his mouth.

'Ohh, Belle...' he moaned as he grabbed my hips.

I kept kissing him and letting him touch me. My heart raced in my chest and my blood burned in my veins as the moon rose in the sky. It started with my teeth. I bit his lip a bit too hard.

'What the...?'

Alan opened his eyes and I rejoiced in his bewilderment when he realised the creature I was becoming. A big, hairy creature with sharp teeth and claws. I wasted no time to surround his throat with my powerful jaws. I bit and tore him. I was so mad at all he had made me go through. He gurgled as the blood oozed down his chest.

I don't remember what followed. After my transformation is complete, I never know what I do while in such a state. I just remember waking up the following morning by the lake, with nothing but rags covering my trashed body. I was exhausted and could barely open my eyes but somehow the water washing my legs had a soothing effect on me.

'Belle! Alan!' I heard someone call.

I couldn't respond. The sound of sirens reached my ears from far away. Later I was placed on a gurney and taken into an ambulance.

'What happened, Belle? Alan's been gored to death and you are in this state.'

'Bear...' I finally mumbled before the paramedics put an oxygen mask on my face.

I don't know if they believed. I just know I stayed in the hospital for a day as I don't take that long to heal.

As I write this story I swallow hard. Every time the phone rings or someone knocks on the door, I jump on my couch. The thought that the cops or the FBI can come to ask me questions and demand DNA samples petrifies me. Terry won't be of great help and soon they will know the bears are innocent.

What can I do, dear reader? I am not looking for your sympathy, but can you really blame me?

I shed some tears. If I am caught, my kind is at risk.

'Leave' I tell myself.

And I head towards my bedroom to pack my suitcase. Will I make it?

“Finally! We’re here!”

After miles of hiking through dirt trails, steep slopes, and dense trees, we arrived at our campsite. My legs ache with fatigue as we entered the spacious clearing.

“I know, right? I’m so excited!” My friend Autumn squealed, slinging her pack off her shoulder and onto the forest ground. It seemed she’d failed to pick up the dread and sarcasm in my voice. “Caroline, you set up the tent. I’ll set up the campfire.”

“Okay.”

I cry out groans of frustration as I struggle with our tent. The beams to hold it upright collapse as I adjust them. By the time the tent is correctly set up, the sun was well hidden in the horizon.

“Weren’t you taught how to set up a tent while you were in Girl Scouts?” Autumn asked, inspecting my work while biting into a granola bar.

“Seriously, Autumn?” I reply. “Girl Scouts don’t do this kind of stuff! They just sell average-tasting cookies for five bucks!”

Autumn shrugged, shoveling the rest of the granola bar into her mouth. “If you say so, Caroline.”

As evening rolled into night, the choir of crickets, owls, and birds sung their song. While the noises lulled Autumn into a peaceful slumber they keep me wide awake, unable to get even a few minutes of rest. The little space I had in the tent didn’t help either.

I peeked out of the tent’s flap, breathing in the cool dusk wind. The trees reach out, their beaches creating dark silhouettes in the night. My head cranes upwards towards the sky, speckled with shining stars. Through the dark, hues of red and pink stand out deep in the forest. A winding path leads up to the splash of color. I approached, dirt crunching under my feet, a beautiful field tulips came into view.

My favorite flowers.

The fresh perfume of pollen wafted to my nose, relaxing me, almost putting me to sleep. The symphony of nocturnal creatures quieted as I ran through the expansive flower bed, taking in the beauty.

So this is what Autumn meant when telling me this trip would be worth it?

I laid my body on the ground, sinking into the flowers around me. The exhaustion from what seemed like hours of hiking drained from my legs. I no longer regretted coming here. All negative thoughts left me as soon as I saw the bouquet Mother Nature has grown for me. Maybe I could convince Autumn to take me here more often. Maybe this garden could be here forever.

But until then, I sleep here.

Amongst the night flowers.

We weren’t even halfway to the camp and I was already regretting saying yes to this trip. I hate the outdoors, I hate the wilderness, I hate bugs. Camping is not my thing, but my friends talked me into it anyway.

A few hours later, we pulled up to a cozy looking cabin. I breathed a shy of relief, realizing I didn’t actually have to sleep in a tent. We unpacked our stuff and changed.

Of course hiking was the first activity we did. I pulled up my boots, trying to think of an excuse not to go. As I finished tying my laces, one of my friends grabbed my arm and dragged me outside with everyone else. So much for getting out of it. I braced myself as we started walking through a path in the woods.

After a few minutes, I began to notice birds in the trees, and beautiful plants I had never seen before. Everything was peaceful and quiet, and the trail itself wasn’t that bad. It was mostly smooth and flat, and it was clear that someone kept the foliage trimmed back so the path would stay clear.

“The trail gets a little rough up here, you guys,” shouted the leader of our little group. “It’s a bit of a steep climb, but we should be able to see the waterfall when we get to the top.”

Waterfall? I didn’t realize that was on the itinerary. I pushed ahead with the group, curiosity overriding my desire to rest my fatigued legs. We came to a root tangled, stair shaped path. It looked like a jungle gym, and I started to get a little excited thinking about trying to climb it.

You know, maybe camping wasn’t going to be that bad after all.

Crackling fire Dazzling sky Climbing higher This is why

The great outdoors Much prefer the City Skyscrapers with floors Maybe too many

Silent nights Creatures chatter Stars shine bright Raindrops patter

Calming sounds Lull to sleep All around Truth to keep

The hike up elicited many shrieks and groans from Emma. She was caked in mud, she walked into a spider web, and she had forgotten her sunglasses so her eyes were squinting most of the day.

Once they all arrived at the campground, John suggested Emma rinse off in the creek. More shrieks when she realized how cold the water was and how many water bugs were surrounding her every step. She huffed and stomped back to camp, wet hair and all, and sat begrudgingly on a log. Emma swatted at bugs until Lucy handed her a citronella band and a beer.

John and Gray lit the bonfire and started cooking with Lucy while Emma stewed quietly. After dinner, Gray made s’mores and everyone took turns telling scary stories. Emma found herself laughing at her friends’ jokes after a time and began to relax.

As everyone wound down for sleep, Emma sighed deeply. The subdued sounds of crickets and flowing water gently lulled her into a deep sleep unlike any she had ever experienced in the loud city. She woke the next morning, fresh for another day out in the woods. Maybe this camping thing wasn’t so bad after all.

Once upon a time it was Tuesday and you sank into memory foam. Someone invisible held your mind away from sleep, and smiling, carefully carved dark crescents under your eyes. I don’t know who, but I want to catch them and kill them.

She laughs

I knew you needed rest but I didn’t know how to give it to you. Sorry I didn’t tell you where we were going. I know you don’t like camping and I was afraid you wouldn’t trust me.

“I’m glad you took me here” She says

I just wanted to show you the golden pathways, and rustling orchestra. I’m glad you liked it.

“I loved it”

So we set up the tent and tried to sleep. At first I thought you were finally asleep, but you were tense, and breathing fast. So I carefully tapped you and led you outside. We smushed together in this hammock, with all the crickets and the stars, and now I’m telling you the day again as a story because you STILL won’t fall-

“Sorry” I whisper and fall asleep to the sound of her deep breathing.

The sunlight peers through the tent’s mesh ceiling, and Jacob slowly rustles awake. For a brief moment, it’s rather peaceful. The birds chirping is slow, rhythmic almost. Water bubbling from the creek nearby can even be heard. For the first time, he did not reach immediately for his phone to check the reception. “This can’t be? Am I…enjoying this?” He thought to himself as he sat up in the sleeping bag. After unzipping from the cocoon, Jacob rolled over to a rock and winced a little bit, cursing under his breath and then chuckling. “Nope, still hate this crap” he muttered as Emily rolled over in her own sleeping bag. “Mmm-morning honey, how’d ya sleep?” She breathes out, as if it’s a peaceful morning in the Ritz Carlton.

“Better - yeah a little better”

I was buried alive. When something bad happens to you, people tend to use a million different niceties to dance around any description of the event, as if not talking about it will make it all go away. In fact, people get upset with you when you talk about trauma, because talking about it makes people afraid. I want you to be afraid. If one more ignorant slob asks me to go camping with them, I’ll scream. I don’t enjoy the intrusiveness of dirt, the way it clings to everything and seemingly multiplies like an inorganic parasite. I can still taste it climbing down my throat, inserting and packing itself into every opening of my body. “Hey there Delilah, are you still with us?” I blink fast and try to remember how to inhale and exhale. Several surrounding smiles sink as I fall to the floor and put my head safely between my knees, careful not to touch the dirt beneath me as I crouch. I stare down the earth, trying desperately to see it as it is now and not as it was all that time ago. “Delilah? Are you okay? You don’t have to go camping with us if you don’t want to, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you… What’s going on?” I dig my nails into my fists and squeeze my eyes tight. When I’m sure I’m ready, I stand and spit at the floor. Turning my eyes back to his, I dig daggers with my gaze and smile sweet and soft. “No. Thank you. I’m not a fan of nature.” I spin, ready to be done with the conversation when I feel fingers twist around my arm, holding me tight. Too tight. “Why not? What’s wrong with you?” I taste blood. I feel it coating my skin, inside and outside all at once. “Have you ever heard that no means no?” I cringe as he sculpts his face into a pout and puppy eyes me, as if we aren’t grown adults, as if I wasn’t clear enough. I genuinely can’t tell if he’s just so stupid that he simply doesn’t realize what he’s doing, or if he’s pushing me on purpose. What about my body language says I want this? My words don’t paint a picture of some hidden desire to follow him into the woods, I don’t know how to make him understand that I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this.

S N A P.

“Ya know what? Fine. You’re right. I’ll go.” Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. “Yes! I knew you were cool, Delilah!” Time passes, my blood boils, life goes on around me as I solidify myself in place. It’s not okay, I’m not okay, nothing will ever be okay unless I make it okay. “Delilah, live a little! Don’t look so glum! It’s camping, not life in prison.” I choke on quiet laughter until it bubbles out of me and pours off my lips and down my throat. “There ya go sunshine. Keep that chin up!” I wait. I’m patient. I screamed for hours while my lungs filled with dirt, and I survived. I can wait, just a little longer. I don’t remember how we got here, but I feel sun on my cheeks and smell the sweet perfume of summer flowers. I feel present, finally, and it’s just the two of us in silence, watching the wild together. I hear my pulse and remember I’m alive as I use my delicate fingers to grab hold of his thick neck and squeeze. I look into his eyes and smile, hard, until real, warm blood spills from my grinding teeth. I hide my sins in the sand, letting the dirt pass through my fingers and over his body, and nature finally loses its grip on me, it finally lets me go. Maybe camping isn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe, the secrets I’ve buried in the dirt are what will keep me sane. Maybe karma finally worked it’s magic, and this is how it tastes, of blood and dirt and tears. Finally, I let go.

I had dirt up my crack. I dusted my hands off on my black leggings as I trekked back up the hill. I had no reason being out in the middle of the forest with a bunch of outdoorsy buffoons but here I was—walking up the side of a mountain after taking a tumble.

Of course my feet slipped. I was hiking in my white Air Force 1’s because that’s the closest shoe I owned that was halfway suitable for being outside.

I thought we would be sitting on logs around a fire. No one said anything about a damn hike. When I reached the top, their snickering and giggling grew louder.

If I wasn’t so comfortable with my stupid friends I would have been considerably more upset at their lack of concern for their friend who just fell down the side of a mountain.

I gave my friends a stern look that slowly morphed into an eye roll. “You guys are idiots. I could have died”, I muttered. Maggie looked at me and a bubble of laughter erupted from her mouth. “Ferris, you fell like two feet”, she said in between giggles.

I looked down at where I came from. It was a dried up river bed that could have passed for a manhole or a trench. Ravine or mountain—it didn’t matter because the degree of embarrassment from the fall would have been the same.

Jeanie snorted in response to Maggie’s statement. They were both avid hikers and obnoxious outdoorsy snobs.

They are the type to post pictures of themselves in front of large bodies of water whenever they have the chance—extending their arms to the sky with their back to the camera with a caption like ‘Outside’ or something basic like that.

But they love it and I guess I love that about them, which is why I felt obligated to join them on one of their monthly one-night camping adventures.

I’m certain I won’t feel obligated to do this ever again.

Maggie and Jeanie are used to hanging out without me anyways since they share a love for the outdoors. I am more of an, ‘oh my god is that a bug’ type of girl and somehow we still make a balanced, perfect trio.

We made our way back to the campsite, where we had one puny green tent set up. Maggie and Jeanie bought it from a consignment store for 50% off and I’m pretty sure the stain in the middle of the nylon floor is old, dried blood.

They shrug it off everytime I bring it up.

As nightfall approached, we were finishing up dinner—chicken noodle soup over the fire with roasted marshmallows for dessert. It was a simple delicacy that they always enjoyed on their camp nights.

I wasn’t mad at that. Food is always a delicacy.

We sat around the campfire in silence, taking in all of natures songs. The crickets were crying, the owls were hooting and the rustling of leaves in the forest filled the silence as the animals scuttled by.

There was always the possibility that we could be eaten by a bear, but as I lowered my face from the stars and stared at my friends, I realized that this moment with them might be worth dying for.

Snap.

Moore opened his eyes into complete darkness. For a few velvet black moments he didn’t know where he was. Cold blooded fear uncoiled in his belly.

snap.

Moore tensed then remembering relaxed into polyester uncomfortableness of his borrowed sleeping bag. Yeah I’m camping. I left heat, Wi-Fi, my bed, and actual floors to sleep like an animal, Moore thought bitterly. To Moore’s left, his friend Panda whined in his sleep as if mocking him from dreamland.

Mikey had tricked him into this foray into nature. The four of them, Moore, Mikey, J.K. and Panda, had been thick as thieves in high school. Moore was the classic stoner comic geek, Mikey army brat/ perpetual weird smart new kid, J.K. was a sensitive artist wrapped in a hard hate the world shell and easy going Keith aka Panda just had the misfortune of being Chinese in an all white suburban town.

Freshman year of high school they bonded over being bullied. Moore stayed behind working at the Savalot while his friends went to college. That first year their long late night calls faded into occasional texts.

Shaking away the sadness Moore tried to settle back into sleep. He listened to Mikey shuffling back from woods. Stupid Mikey ate a bag of honey crisp apples after they had vaped some Curious George that night around the campfire and gave himself a righteous case of bubble guts. Back and forth, Mikey had been visiting their makeshift latrine in the pines.

Mikey convinced Moore to come out camping to support J.K. after she finally broke up with the most recent ass hat. Over s’mores Moore discovered Mikey convinced J.K. to come out because Moore was allegedly depressed. He wondered how Mikey had manipulated Panda.

A twig crunched outside as Mikey fished around their campground probably looking for extra toilet paper. Moore hoped Mikey wiped his ass with poison oak for talking them into leaving civilization to sleep deep in the woods.

At the thought of a red rashed butt jokes Moore giggled. J. K. turned in her sleep and her warm hand slapped Moore’s cheek.

“Ouch.” Moore grabbed his face.

“Sorry Or Less I’m so jumpy tonight,” J.K. said.

Out of the darkness J.K. rubbed the sting from Moore’s face. Moore liked at her silly nicknam for him. She smelled of sweet smoke and Hershey chocolate. For the first time Moore considered the appeal of the Great Outdoors.

“I can feel you smiling. What’s so funny?” She asked.

“I just love me some camping.”

“Flirt in the morning idiots!” Mikey shouted from a dark tent corner.

“You call that flirting! I have more exciting night with my Grammy,” Panda said before punching softness into his sleeping bed.

“Who you fooling Pan. Your grandma is the only woman you spend your nights with,” J.K. said.

“Hook up or shut up! Your skunk weed and your apples destroyed me.”

Mikey tossed an apple core hitting J.K.’s head. Moore punched at Mikey’s leg and Pan caught a random elbow. Soon the tent erupted into play fighting.

A low growl rumbled outside.

The four stopped. In the stillness, each person listened. The sound of pacing footsteps were just on the other side of the thin fabric. Inside the tent it was dead quiet. They all held their breath. Someone was waiting.

Snap.