Once upon time, there was me. Me, knowing exactly who I was, comfortable in my own skin. Perfectly fine with who I was and who I had become. 

Now? 

I don't who I am anymore. Now, I don't think I've ever been that person. That good girl. The girl who loved herself, and loved other people. Now, I don't think I ever wanted to be that person, but I never did anything to challenge it. 

Always being obedient, following the rules, even when they go against what I believe. The poster child for a good girl. Pretty. Smart. Stayed out of trouble. 

It gets old after a while. Exhausting. All the pressure to be someone you never were to begin with. 

Maybe, just maybe, I don't want to be perfect. Maybe, I want to make my own decisions, not have everyone telling me what choices I should make. 

Of course, I didn't tell my mother any of that. I couldn't. She would flip if she knew what I'd gotten myself into. She still saw who I was. Now, I'm the girl who sleeps around, who parties on weekends, who destroyed our teacher's classroom because he gave us extra work. I hurt people on purpose because it makes me feel better about myself. 

What my mother saw, was not me. So I lied. I told her what she expected of me. 

"I was studying with some friends." 

She smiled at me, kissed my forehead. I have never felt so guilty yet so relieved when she spoke. "You're such a good girl, Andrea.” My stomach turned. "I never have to worry about you like other parents do with their kids."

I breathed a bit easier, but the thought still remained. My mother trusted me, and I was lying to her about everything.

Unbearable pain in my stomach takes hold of me as an empty bottle of pills sits hauntingly on my nightstand. I don’t think I can take this much longer. Then darkness, peace, relief. A sense of calm washes over me as I feel the emotionally charged air envelope me in a warm embrace. My ears are filled with a continuous low whooshing sound, a noise that is surprisingly comforting. A voice echos around me, coming from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. “Everything is going to be okay”. Tunnel vision sets in and a radiant glow pulsates in the distance. I can hear a muffled conversation as I move closer to the light, my senses exploding. A feeling of love and being loved fills me as I come face to face with an aura of a welcoming being. The glow becomes stronger: first skimming the outline of my body, and then finally melting into it. A warm feeling moves down through my head, into my chest, and through my limbs as my heart center vibrates to capacity. I feel myself rising, and as I do the light fades and the darkness closes in. Stillness. Presence. Relief.

The thick red curtain dropped, muffling the audience’s applause as it separated the stage from the outside world. All around me, my cast mates laughed, hugged, and patted each other on the back.

I just sat, slowly, right where I stood, not even realizing I was going down until the wood of the stage greeted my bottom. My body was shaking again, but it was not the unnerved tremors I’d felt before first stepping onstage just two hours ago. It reminded me of how my arms had shaken that time Dad tried to get me interested in weightlifting, when he finally let me put down the big, heavy dumbbells and my entire body had seemed to say “thank god it’s over” all at once.

The weight was gone. The show was over. I did it.

“Park? You okay?”

Everyone is moving away to the wings, towards the dressing room or the lobby to meet their families. But Aly comes back onto the stage to me, her wig gone but still in that fancy dress. I nod, not sure I trust myself to speak without crying, which seems stupid because everything is okay.

She nods, too, and sits as well, putting her back to mine. Sturdy and strong.

I take a deep breath and let it out again, and she lets me lean against her. We sit there for a while.

The thick violet blood splattered all across the ground, the dragon’s corpse, and the girl, who stumbled to her knees, landing with a sick wet thud.

Dead.

It was dead.

She stayed crouched in place for what felt like ages, heartbeat exploding in her ears. Done, done, done. She was safe. The village was safe.

Her father was avenged.

Her heart rate slowed, eventually, to a point where she could hear other things around her. The feeling of blood on her skin kept her grounded well enough, but the sheer relief coursing through her blood — her red, red blood — was helping even more.

She hadn’t died.

And even as the world began to flicker into darkness, she smiled.

I feel so forgetful lately, and it’s burdening my chances to a closer connection.

Eleanor patted her forehead with her sweater sleeve, in hopes she’d not forgotten the day that Mae had cherished most. Their anniversary. She kept seated at the table as her wife cooked breakfast, debating whether or not to say the words she had choked up behind her brain. She decided it was best to have at least told her something, anything to make up for the gruesome silence. It seemed to grow quieter the louder the eggs sizzled in the over-used pan. “I love you, I love you a lot!” Eleanor swiftly sat in her chair, the one closest to the back door and near the windows. “Lonny, I love you too dear.” Her wife let out easily. Lonny was a funny nickname that occurred not too long ago from her wife’s night-thinking. Mae sat down and watched as Lonny tossed her eggs ‘round from one edge of the plate to the next. This went on for about 10 minutes until the tapping of the leaky faucet became too much to leave talking alone. “Mae, you mean a lot to me, and I cannot thank you enough for making such delicious eggs and has browns for breakfast.” Eleanor quickly shot up from her chair and motioned to put away the dishes for her and her wife. “Oh, thank you, I appreciate the offer El, and you mean a lot to me also.” Mae said sounding flustered from the confusing amount of affection. El was another nickname she’d thought of. She noticed how El’s mannerisms weren’t seeming quite right. It was as if she had just eaten breakfast with a well-known anxious magnet. She thought it was of her best interest to ask if Eleanor was feeling alright. “You seem a bit out of it dear, are you okay?” Mae asked her. Eleanor knew something was off with her own behaviour, but she couldn’t bare to let her wife know she’d forgotten if today was their anniversary or not. She walked over to Mae and gently put her hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry, it’s okay feel upset at me.” “Lonny! Please tell me what’s wrong, love?” “I would’ve remembered I promise,” “Oh honey, is this about our anniversary you’ve been so antsy about?” Mae let out before Eleanor could continue her rambling. Eleanor nodded and proceeded to lean her head on Mae’s shoulder. Mae rubbed her head, gave her a kiss, and then held Lonny’s face infront of hers. “It’s alright darling, really. It’s next Friday, not today!” She chuckled a bit. “Even if it were today, I wouldn’t mind if you’d forgotten the date. It’s not always easy to remember those kinds of things, and I love you nonetheless.” Lonny no longer felt the lingering feeling of guilt wrapped around her head. Goodness, it must’ve been about 8 hours into the day until she’d stumbled up the courage to tell Mae the truth, and she sure was glad she did. “Do you mind actually putting the dishes away though? I have some errands to run, gotta pick up some stuff for our special day” Mae let out with a slight smile. Eleanor returned the smile and went towards the kitchen sink. “Oh, Lonny! Before I go just remember, you never have to apologize for something that’s practically out of your control love.” Mae gently closed the blue chipped door and left as slight air entered through the crack at the bottom of it. Putting away the plate marked with an abundance of flowers surrounding the edges, Lonny took that sentence and thought for a while. Mae sure does know how to reassure her, she thought.

Oh boy, I sure do love her.

Her eyes Her voice She is the pollen to my flower The roots to my tree The rot of stress evaporates The rays of her smile leaving nothing behind The world begins to fall from the tree of time Nothing moves in her presence Crashing into the soil from below Reaching new places through its roots Almost unrecognizable beauty Unveiling the grey death of its former tree No where left for it to grow How could I have never seen it I have been given new life

I can't really hear the words. She sounds like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons. Indistinct talking that I could tell she thought was important. But none of it mattered.

I was listening for one thing. Could lor couldn’t I? No, it won't hurt you to continue. Was she serious?! It wort hurt. I let out the biggest exhale of my life.

It all happened in a expeditious amount of time. The deafening sound of the bullet, ripping through the air then the compact of the silver object against something dense. Time must if slowed because I was soon falling to the cold cement with a tightening sensation forming on my left side. Daniel, my partner, was yelling- awfully loud if I so myself. Even with the screamingly high whistling in my ears, His voice managed above it all. His hands were immediately at my side, tearing open my shirt, my poor Cesare Attolini. But, right as my more than life, expensive shirt was torn. A sound of ultimate relief sounded from Daniels throat. The bullet had nearly pierced through my mandatory vest, a little to the left and hell, I would’ve been pissed.

The sound of blood dripping into the puddle filled the room. She looked around to see if anyone else saw what had happened. Paranoid, completely forgetting that they had been alone. He attacked her. Plain and simple. She was defending herself. Years of torment lead to this moment. Knife in hand, she felt the weight of the world roll off her shoulders. She was free. Finally fucking free.

She had been holding her breath for so long, and she hadn’t even realized it. Yet when she saw those words, on that screen, it was like her being inflated, became calm and elated all at once. “Of course, I knew this would happen; I wasn’t actually that worried,” she thought, a grin growing on her face. But in actuality there was a great weight lifted - she felt lighter, like she was full of an odd burst of energy. She was pure purpose. Nothing could harm her right now - it was done.