'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with dread,

For we knew that tomorrow we still would be dead.

The children were nestled, all trembling with fear,

While sinister shadows whispered in their ears.

And mamma in her shroud, and I in my tomb,

Had just settled our souls in our eternal gloom.

When out on the lawn there arose such a shriek,

I sprang from the coffin to see what havoc did wreak.

Away to the window, I floated like a ghost,

Tore open the shutters, revealing the host.

The moon cast an eerie glow on the snow,

As shadows danced, putting on a frightful show.

When, what to my ghastly eyes did appear,

But a shiny black sleigh, and eight ghouls drawing near.

With a skeletal driver, so gaunt and so slick,

I knew in a heartbeat it must be Old Nick.

More twisted than vipers his minions they came,

And he hissed, and he snarled, and called them by name!

"Now, Chiller! now, Thriller! now, Killler and Fear!

And all of the rest of you evil reindeer!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now crawl away! crawl away! crawl away all!"

Like bats from a belfry they flew to the height,

With the sleigh full of curses, and Old Nick in his might.

And then, in a heartbeat, I heard on the roof,

The clawing and scratching of each cloven hoof.

As I withdrew from the window, with a shudder profound,

Down the chimney Old Nick came with a bound.

He was dressed all in shadows, from his head to his toe,

And his eyes, how they gleamed with a hollow glow.

His face was all twisted, a malevolent sight,

And the stench of decay encircled him tight.

The toys in his pack were all warped and smashed,

And all through the house, they felt St. Nick’s wrath.

His bones were rotted,! His grin, oh so vile!

His cackling echoed, sending chills for miles!

He spread all his curses through every child’s head,

And filled all the stockings; with dread and with dread.

Then with a cackle, he vanished from sight,

And I knew in that moment, 'twas no silent night.

But I heard him exclaim, as he faded from view,

"Happy nightmares to all, and a frightful fuck you!"