I don’t understand

how after many falls I still can’t learn.

You would think that after the first guy,

who did ungodly things to me

touched me when he pleased

I would stop looking for love

More after the second guy,

Who did the same thing

and even told me

that I was his side piece

after 6 months.

And you would think that I would learn to stop catching feelings with people I randomly meet.

For the guy I met in college, treated me nothing like a lover but just as if he was my older brother.

For the guys I meet on the internet, one who said who’s intentions were pure and yet still went down on me and yet still left me.

Don’t blame much the next two,

One was clear that all he wanted was sex

so I made space

So I could lay in his bed

The other one, unsure yet once again of what he wants, I mean we are just friends I guess but why would you shower me with affection, play your little instruments and the next few days just leave me as if I was never there.

I’m tired… and I’m exhausted

So I often question myself because of this

Is it me? Is it because I’m not pretty enough? Tall enough? Is it because I am not down for the chase? Is it because I’m not skinny enough?

And hey! at least before you go, just tell me..

Why am I never just enough?