The sun beat down on me in the backyard as I sat a safe distance away from the pool. My human was talking with the other human who was too tall and came over too much for my liking, and I was watching them like a mama cat.

Soon though, I lost interest. Humans were boring and these ones did nothing but talk. I got up and inspected the purple flowers growing on a bush in the corner. They were pretty, but not at all interesting.

I had almost reached the edge of the bush when I heard my human scream. He was trying to run away from Tall Human, who was reaching out to him.

I screeched and started running towards them as fast as I could, but the athletic life wasn’t for me.

Just as I reached them, Tall Human pushed. My human flailed his arms like a weak little bird. If I was human, I would have made that unflattering expression where they put their hands on their face, widen their eyes and mouth, and inhale very aggressively.

Thank goodness I was saved from the humiliation of being human.

However, that did not change my horror. How could a being do that? How could Tall Human force my human into the worst substance on this Earth for no reason? I couldn’t stand the unfairness of it.

I had to avenge my human.

I hissed and crouched down (my best intimidation technique) and prepared to spring.

Tall Human turned to look at me. I bared my teeth and lowered myself even more, so I was touching the concrete.

Tall Human laughed.

I stopped hissing, confused. Why would Tall Human laugh? If I was being honest, I was probably the most intimidating creature Tall Human had ever seen.

But then I remembered why I was doing this.

I leaped, grabbing onto Tall Human’s middle. Tall Human looked surprised.

I thought it served Tall Human right for committing the worst crime possible.

I scratched until Tall Human attempted to pry me off.

Then suddenly, I was falling and falling and falling. I felt the horrendous liquid on my beautiful fur, and I yowled. After bobbing in the waves like an apple for a few terrible seconds, I was able to swim to the dry shore of the pool. However, I was willing to give myself up to the water if it meant saving my human. I turned around, resigned to my fate.

But what I saw was not the pain of a human.

My human was smiling and laughing, splashing Tall Human until Tall Human gave up and tackled my human.

What? They were having… fun?

I settled down to watch, confused.

Did my human… like getting wet? Was it enjoyable?

I shuddered just thinking about it.

But… if my human was having fun, well. I could respect that.

Whatever cooks your fish, I guess.