Hs stood on the cliff. The wind assaulted his person, catching under his hat and blowing it off. He snatched it out of the air.
Slowly, he brought his hand down and rested it on his horse’s neck. He turned his head to look at the mountains rising up from the gorge.
The early morning light rounded their edges, making them seem gentle. He knew better. Carved circular patterns traced their open faces. They glowed with an otherworldly white. He supposed that made sense.
He got off his horse. She flicked her tail at him in curiosity. She didn’t know, and he needed it that way. He couldn’t take any chances.
So he sat down on the rock under the overhang of the boulder. And he waited.
My shoes slapped on the wet concrete tiles as I ran like the wind towards the house. I could feel the grasses edging the path reaching out and brushing my jeans like the fingers of a ghost. I had been running for a couple minutes, and my breath was burning in my lungs. The crisp morning air didn’t help as I tried unsuccessfully to calm down. It was fine. Everything was fine. I would make it back in time, and the day would go on normally. But I couldn’t stop myself from looking back. The Pack chased me, their misty limbs trailing off into the distance as they gained on me. Birds, giant lizards, creatures I couldn’t name, sped after me, colliding with each other in their haste. I was slowing down, my legs on fire. My arms were still pumping, though I knew I couldn’t go on much longer. The house was too far away. I wouldn’t make it. I felt a fear deep in myself. I didn’t know what would happen. No one knew, but whatever it was, it was about to happen to me. My heart raced faster and faster as I got slower and slower. I could feel them at my heels, wild dogs on a hunt. There was a crack in the path. An uneven patch, made so a person going in the right direction would trip. I know to avoid this. But today, I was having too close a call to pay attention to the pavement in front of me. I gasped as my toe caught on the crack, tumbling and hitting the concrete with a thud. Within a second, The Pack was on me. The natural sounds of the world around me were sucked into a vacuum of absolute silence. It felt as though every part of my body was being stretched this way and that. Not in a painful way though. More uncomfortable, as I couldnt see through the pale blue light shining all around me. Then as suddenly as they had pounced, the bright light cleared and everything seemed normal again. Except, I was running faster than I’d ever run before. I peered down at myself, horrified when I realized that it was not human legs that were carrying me. They were the front legs of a horse, but not a typical horse. My back legs were big and shaggy, like a bear, and I could feel that I definitely didn’t have a horse’s head. My body was pale blue and foggy, just like… Wait. I whipped my head around, and realization dawned on me like a curtain falling away. I was running with The Pack. Creatures ran wildly around me, their heads snapping back and forth and their mouths chomping on the air. I expected to hear growls, or snarls, but the suction of noise was eerie. It was absolutely silent. As much as I strained to hear something, anything, there was nothing. Like being in a black hole. Suddenly, I had a strange urge to run like the wind and leave everything else behind. Confused, I shook my head as if that could rid the sense. I didnt want this. I didnt want any of this! I tried to stop running, but something in me wouldn’t let my legs slow down. Maybe it was the awful certainty that if I stopped, I would get crushed by the creatures surrounding me on all sides. My eyes flicked back and forth and I distantly wondered how a panic attack would show up in a horse. Just as my knees started to buckle, the animal right beside me leaned over and kept me from collapsing. With its stable side against mine, my head cleared and I was able to look to my left. The creature was smaller than me. It had an eagle head, with a short beak. Its body was that of a giant ant, and attached to its back were dragonfly wings. I stared. Then I paled. If me, a human, was turned into this, than that animal was a human too, before. Who was it? Could that have been my friends grandmother who died last year? Or even my Dada, who passed before I was born? I clenched my teeth as horror washed over me like a bucket of cold water. I could tell, deep inside, that this would be how I spent the rest of eternity.
I drove out to the deserted town on the outskirts of the city. It was my hang-out place, my place to just be alone with my thoughts. I parked my car and got out, leaving the door open. The sky would soon be changing colors, my favorite part of the night. I hauled myself onto the roof of my car using the floor as a step stool. Reaching down, I closed the car door and settled down. My head rested on the hard aluminum of the car exterior as I considered the wide expanse of color before me. During the day, the sky had been a cloudless summer blue. But now, as the first stars glimmered down on me, that slowly changed. Directly above me, the light, sky blue turned a fuller, darker shade. Gradually, that color seeped lower in the sky, making it fade into deep ocean indigo while more and more brightly shining stars winked at the world. As it got darker, the light pollution from the city a couple of miles away became more apparent. It was sad how beautiful it could be. The coral and lavender shades blended beautifully with the lighter blue above it while the moon glowed through the sky. Grasses rustled in the warm summer breeze as crickets buzzed and chirped, filling the otherwise silence of the night. I was parked in a field, and in the last fading light I could see the silhouettes of the abandoned town houses. They stood like tired sentries in the dark, their broken-down shapes imposing despite the splintered, rotting wood panels and broken glass. I watched them as the last of the sunlight sank below the horizon. When everything was dark, I closed my eyes. I was aware of every part of my body and my surroundings. My mind was silent, and the night had a deepness and a fullness to it like the depths of an ocean. It didn’t take long for my body to slip under the cover of sleep, my mind creating a dream. I floated underwater, completely at peace.
The sun beat down on me in the backyard as I sat a safe distance away from the pool. My human was talking with the other human who was too tall and came over too much for my liking, and I was watching them like a mama cat. Soon though, I lost interest. Humans were boring and these ones did nothing but talk. I got up and inspected the purple flowers growing on a bush in the corner. They were pretty, but not at all interesting. I had almost reached the edge of the bush when I heard my human scream. He was trying to run away from Tall Human, who was reaching out to him. I screeched and started running towards them as fast as I could, but the athletic life wasn’t for me. Just as I reached them, Tall Human pushed. My human flailed his arms like a weak little bird. If I was human, I would have made that unflattering expression where they put their hands on their face, widen their eyes and mouth, and inhale very aggressively. Thank goodness I was saved from the humiliation of being human. However, that did not change my horror. How could a being do that? How could Tall Human force my human into the worst substance on this Earth for no reason? I couldn’t stand the unfairness of it. I had to avenge my human. I hissed and crouched down (my best intimidation technique) and prepared to spring. Tall Human turned to look at me. I bared my teeth and lowered myself even more, so I was touching the concrete. Tall Human laughed. I stopped hissing, confused. Why would Tall Human laugh? If I was being honest, I was probably the most intimidating creature Tall Human had ever seen. But then I remembered why I was doing this. I leaped, grabbing onto Tall Human’s middle. Tall Human looked surprised. I thought it served Tall Human right for committing the worst crime possible. I scratched until Tall Human attempted to pry me off. Then suddenly, I was falling and falling and falling. I felt the horrendous liquid on my beautiful fur, and I yowled. After bobbing in the waves like an apple for a few terrible seconds, I was able to swim to the dry shore of the pool. However, I was willing to give myself up to the water if it meant saving my human. I turned around, resigned to my fate. But what I saw was not the pain of a human. My human was smiling and laughing, splashing Tall Human until Tall Human gave up and tackled my human. What? They were having… fun? I settled down to watch, confused. Did my human… like getting wet? Was it enjoyable? I shuddered just thinking about it. But… if my human was having fun, well. I could respect that. Whatever cooks your fish, I guess.
The first thing I did when I got home was collapse on the couch. Today is the first day in a while where I have multiple hours of free time in a row, and I have no idea what to do. I clasped my hands behind my head, slouched, and looked up at the ceiling. I pondered my options. I could watch a show, or I could read a book. I could take a nap or do a workout. I looked outside, as if the answer to my question would be written in airplane trails across the sky. I was a fan of the weather today, though I hadn’t really appreciated it. I could go outside. I nodded to myself. That sounded nice, so I walked down to the backyard. Our backyard was nice, but only when it rained. It used to be beautiful when I was a kid, but not anymore. I think everyone’s lives got too busy and no one cared about making the backyard look nice. It’s deteriorated since then, and I noticed it even more as I stepped outside. There were sections with failed gardens that had since sprung up weeds, and a tree in the back with an old wooden swing swaying in the breeze. I wandered towards it, looking up at the sky. I had forgotten how peaceful it was out here. Out here, I could forget about all my homework, my tests, everything else that took up so much of my time and attention, and just breathe. I stopped in front of the tree and started at it. A forgotten memory tickled my brain, and I squinted, trying to remember. A lightbulb lit up, and I recalled a younger me lightly touching a panel in the wooden fence at the back of the yard. I curiously touched my fingers to the rough wood grain, and waited. Was something supposed to happen? Confused, I pressed harder, and when it didn’t budge, I leaned my full weight into it. I felt my fingers leave the wood and I stumbled forward, almost losing my balance. I steadied myself and looked up. All around me, the grass was turning to white sand as I watched the distant landscape turn to water. There was a wooden dock that stretched out onto the beautifully colored lake, and I turned around in awe. I found that behind me there was the same fence that bordered my backyard. And all of a sudden, my memory came back. I had stumbled upon this lake after getting angry at my mom, and I had spent every spare minute I could out here since that day. Except one day, I guess I didn’t come. And then the next. Days stretched into weeks stretched into years, and I had forgotten about this magical haven of a place, right in my backyard. I took my shoes off, felt the soft sand under my feet, and looked out at the lake. It was like glass. The stillness reflected every peak of the mountains in the distance and every color of the sunset overhead. I was speechless in awe, but I walked slowly out on the dock, discovering that there was a large platform and arch at the end of it. When I reached the edge, I sat down and let my feet touch the water. It was like I could feel the beauty of it through its stillness against my ankles, and I sighed. How had I forgotten about this place? The peacefulness of the sunset on the water soaked into me and I sat there for who knows how long, just breathing.
I never wanted to leave, but life calls. I stood up and gazed out at the lake, swearing to never forget the white sand, the wooden dock, the glass water, the peacefulness of the night, the stillness of the sunset.
I slumped in my chair, staring at the clock on the wall. One minute never felt so long. I swung my pencil back and forth between my fingers while my knee bounced up and down agitatedly. My eyes bored holes into the second hand, and finally, finally! The bell rang just as my pre-calc teacher announced the homework. I jumped up, snatched the worksheet, grabbed my backpack, and was out of the classroom before the teacher could blink and eye. I was meeting my best friend whom I hadn’t seen in at least two years, and I was not going to be late. As the halls started filling with students, I ran to the nearest exit and heard the satisfying clunk of the double doors as they opened, then closed behind me. The frozen yogurt place we were meeting at was close to my school, so I could walk. I sped up as I got closer and closer, checking the time. I would be late. Great. I thought I had planned enough time to walk there after school, but evidently not. When I got close enough to see the fro-yo shop name, I was practically running. I burst through the door, wincing as the person manning the register looked up with raised eyebrows. “Sorry!” I attempted a placating hand, even as I glanced around the shop. “Sorry.” My friend wasn’t here yet, so I sat down to wait. She had an even bigger reputation for being late than I did, so I was glad I made it before her. I looked around in the meantime, noticing how it had changed since I’d last been. It was a quaint little shop, all pastel colors and light wood. Benches lined the walls against the front windows, and there were cute metal chairs in all different colors spaced around the small tables. The little bell above the door rang, and I looked over. She walked through the door, saw me, and made an actual emoji face. I grinned and motioned her over. Her smile dropped and she pointed at the fro-yo. “Uh, no way. I need my frozen yogurt. You can wait.” My jaw dropped. “Excuse me? Do they not have frozen yogurt in Minnesota?” “Nowhere near where I live!” She turned to the man at the cash register who was looking very amused. “Hi. Can I have the vanilla with rainbow sprinkles and yogurt chips?” He nodded and started making it. I raised my brows. “First time getting frozen yogurt in two years, and that’s what you get?” She turned to look at me. “Don’t judge me.” “Oh, I am.” But I was shaken out of my disappointment by my phone buzzing. I flipped it over, and seeing the message, I groaned. She threw me a questioning glance as she took her frozen yogurt and thanked the man. “I have to go to the bathroom.” “Oh. Have fun!” She smiled sweetly and I rolled my eyes as I got up. “Thanks, you too.” I picked up my backpack and walked towards the bathroom door. I hoped she wouldn’t ask. This was the only thing I had to keep from her, and I didn’t enjoy it, but she couldn’t know. When I got to the bathroom, I chose a stall and set my backpack down on the floor. As fast as I could, I changed into my suit. It was a loose but stretchy jumpsuit to disguise my body shape. As soon as I finished, I took my backpack and went up to the sink and mirror. I was in the process of putting my hair up when the bathroom door swung open. I swore and tried to use my backpack to cover myself up. Unfortunately, it was Claire. I tried to sneak behind the door, but her eyes landed on me. Her eyes widened. “HOLY CRAP. ERIKA?!” I grimaced and looked up. “Boss is going to be so mad.” “What did you just say? Erika?” She was still holding the door open. I pulled her inside and let the door squeak shut. I held her shoulders and looked up into her eyes. “Okay, listen. I can’t explain right now. I need to go. But yeah. Call me later, okay? I’m sorry.” I “tsk-ed” twice and disappeared, leaving my backpack and a shocked Claire behind.
~
When I got back to my house in my normal clothes, my dad was making dinner in the kitchen. “Claire’s upstairs waiting for you! She told me that you had to leave early for an errand so she came here to get some more hangout time.” I was lucky to have such a chill (oblivious) parent. “Okay, thanks Dad!” I sounded cheerful, but inside I was dreading going upstairs. I knew Claire would be mad about my secret superhero life, and I didn’t want to explain. I nervously made my way to the back of the house, and saw that my door was wide open. I could see Claire sitting at my desk. I squared my shoulders and strode inside. She spun the chair slowly, ominously, around, and fixed her stare on me. “Care to explain, Erika?”
(Wanna Facetime?)
The text from my best friend lit up my phone screen in the darkness of 12:30am. I opened it and didn’t even bother responding before pressing “Facetime.” I smiled, and he immediately started laughing. This was typically how our interactions started off, but after the fit of laughing died down, it became solemn. It was the very early morning of the last day of summer, after all. And not even just the last day of summer. Senior year started tomorrow. “So. Are you ready for tomorrow?” “Hah. That’s funny. I haven’t even gotten my last binder,” I laughed nervously. “Are you?” “Pretty much, yeah. I mean, physically I am. Probably not mentally, but it’s okay…” I smiled and shook my head. “Honestly same.”
Senior year started, though, however unprepared we were, and it was okay.
——
(Are you free next week?) I texted my best friend.
(Unfortunately no) (I have freshman orientation)
(Ugh. Mine doesn’t start for two weeks and I’m bored) I lamented. (Also dreading it)
(Yep same) (I feel so unprepared)
(Well think of it this way: remember when we had a very similar conversation before school started last year?)
(And it all turned out fine, I know) (But still)
(Yeah I get it)
But freshman year started, and we got through it.
——
We sat down for lunch at a park near my work. “Oh my god, there’s this one person on my business team who is SO ANNOYING.” My best friend grumbled. “Yep. That’s why I didn’t go into business,” I pointed my form at them. “But I do have a piece that my client needs in a week that I haven’t started…” I perked up, remembering what I called this lunch for. “Also: big news… I’m getting married!!!!” “Wow really?? That’s great! Are you excited?” “Yes!!! But I’m also so nervous. I mean, I don’t know if I’m ready, you know?” “Yeah for sure. I am not getting married anytime soon, if ever, to be honest.” “Yeah.” “Hey. Do you remember that classic conversation we’ve been having since, like, high school?” “Of course. How could I forget?” I smiled, knowing what he was going to say. “Well, we’ve gotten through everything before now, why would this be any different?” I agreed, and we ate our lunch in comfortable silence.
I got married, though, and it was okay.
——
I looked out the window. The snow fell outside, and I couldn’t even be happy. This was the end. I could feel it. Today was the day. Someone knocked on the door, and I murmured in my raspy old voice, “Come in.” The door opened hesitantly, and I recognized the face of my lifelong best friends’ sister’s face. “Hi.” She said. I must’ve looked confused, because she added, “I have some news.” This did nothing to clue me in, but her face did it enough. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she’d just been crying. “What happened?” I asked, even though I had already guessed. “He… had a stroke.” She looked down. “He’s almost… He doesn’t have much time left.” My eyes pricked with tears. “No. That isn’t- I can’t- I need to go see him,” My voice broke, but I didn’t care. “Call the doctor. I’m leaving if they don’t come in five minutes.” They came soon enough, and I forced them to wheel me over to his room. He looked bad, but I went up to him. “Caleb,” I whispered. He didn’t open his eyes, or give any sign that he heard me. “It’s gonna be okay. Remember that one conversation?” I smiled sadly. “We’ll get through it, just like everything else. And we’ll both be in the next life. I’m going today too.” Tears ran down my cheeks at the thought of losing my best friend. But it would be okay. “In a way, this is a happy ending for the both of us.”
The rain pattered against the windows as I sat on my beanbag chair, rewatching my favorite TV show. The main character was reading a book in a pretty library, but I guess rewatching a show I already knew every word of wasn’t particularly exciting though, because soon I found myself drifting off.
When I woke, the first thing I noticed was the smell. Old books. I furrowed my brow. That wasn’t what my room smelled like. Musty, sure, but not “old book” musty. I reached for my glasses, then frowned. I hadn’t taken them off before falling asleep… But then why were they placed on the table in front of me? I put them on, and everything came into focus. I was in a library, a giant oak bookshelf against one wall and tall door opposite. The long dark table I was sitting at was piled with books and papers, and there was a large globe on the floor. Most of the walls were floor to ceiling windows, with gilded edges and fancy designs. It was the most peaceful place I’d ever been. Or it would’ve been, if I hadn’t been freaking out. Because this was the same library as the one in the TV show I had been watching. How? I didn’t know. I got up from the armchair I was sitting in. It was the exact same color as my beanbag chair. I looked out the windows. It wasn’t raining, but there was a thick layer of glittering snow on the ground. Winter birch trees stood quietly for as far as I could see. I made my way to the door, thinking it would lead to another room. I was mistaken. As soon as I opened the door, a cold breeze blew right through my clothes. I shivered, looking out towards the woods. I had thought maybe the trees were in just one area, but now, as I stepped outside, I could see that they stretched out in every direction. Why would there be a library in the middle of the woods? Then slowly, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw mist creeping out through the trees. I turned to see, but it disappeared. I narrowed my eyes. That didn’t happen in the show. Wait, what?What was I talking about? I had just fallen asleep in the chair, reading. Right? I shook my head, confused. It felt like two parts of my brain were warring back and forth for domination. Weirded out, I decided to walk along the perimeter of the building to see if there was another one, trailing my hand against the wall. There was in fact a second structure, I found after crunching my way to the back of the library. These shoes were definitely going for fashion over practicality. The other building was smaller and slightly apart from the library, but there was smoke coming up from the chimney. The promise of fire reminded my limbs that I was cold. I took my hand away from the wall and hugged myself in an effort to warm up, but again, the mist appeared in my peripheral. Again I whipped my head around to catch it, but it retreated just as fast. I furrowed my brow but sped up. The mist gave me an uncomfortable sense of foreboding, and as I approached the building, it appeared more frequently. I focused my eyes ahead, but I was slowing down. I tried to go faster, but I couldn’t feel my legs. I felt a throbbing kind of pain in my fingers, and looked down. They seemed more purple than they had before. That couldn’t be good. My teeth were chattering, but I was so close to the red brick of the building. Just a little more. I suddenly had the urge to take off my sweater. It was too warm. The mist was creeping up on me. Just a little more. Too warm. The mist crept slowly. It was touching me. I was so close. I could almost feel the heat of the building. But it was too warm. Too warm. Too warm. And everything went white.
My eyes snapped open. I was cold, but sweating, and breathing hard. Like I had just been walking. Not sitting watching a show. The episode was over and the credits rolling. My hands shook as I closed the computer. The rain had stopped. I stood up and looked out the window. A layer of mist covered the ground.
