I wake up on my back, blinded by fluorescent lights, and with a debilitating headache. It takes every ounce of strength I have left to get off the ground. Everything around me is bright yellow. It’s almost nauseating how yellow it is. In front of me are two female cashiers with a wall separating them down the middle. The girl to the left is in a bright red uniform and the girl to the right is in a dark blue uniform. They stand behind their registers, staring at me, unblinking, with great big Cheshire grins. It’s very unsettling.

I stand there for a few minutes contemplating what to do. I’m assuming I’m in a restaurant but there are no menus. I decide to walk up to the cashier on the right. The one dressed in dark blue. As I walk up, the cashier on the left, dressed in bright red, throws up her hands, scoffs, lets out an angry yell, and stomps through a door, which probably leads to the kitchen.

“Hi! Welcome to Dark Blue Eatery!”

“Uh, hi. What’s her problem?”

“You didn’t pick her!”

“Why would that make her upset?”

“How would you feel if you were bright red? And someone didn’t pick you? Pretty darn upset I bet! Plus since you didn’t pick her, the manager is going to hurt her!” She’s still smiling that Cheshire grin.

“What do you mean, ‘hurt her’?”

“Don’t worry about it! No turning back now!” she chuckles at the last part. “What can I getcha?”

“Umm, I don’t know. I don’t see a menu anywhere.”

“No menus! Just whatever your stomach is rumblin’ for!”

“Oh. Okay, then could I please just get a grilled chicken sandwich?”

She stopped smiling. “No. If you wanted MEAT, then you should’ve gone to the other REGISTER. To the other CASHIER. Do these colors look like carnivore colors? Huh?”

“I, uh, I don’t know. I don’t even know where I am.”

“I told you. I already fucking told you. You’re at Dark Blue Eatery. D. B. E. You stupid, inconsiderate, piece of shit.”

“Ok, I’m just gonna be on my way now.” I turn and head for the exit. Except there is no exit. There are no doors. There aren’t even any windows. There’s only a single table and a single chair bolted to the bright yellow floor.

“Hey uh, how do I leave? I’m not very hungry anymore.”

“Leave? You haven’t eaten yet. Come, come up and order!” Her smile is back.

“If I order, can I leave?”

“I don’t know. Can you leave?” Her smile is gone again. What the fuck is going on?

“Uh, may I leave after I order?”

“Do I look like a fucking teacher to you? Or your fucking mom?”

“Ok fine. Fuck. Let me get a Caesar salad then.”

“Okay, great! One Caesar salad. That’ll be… let’s see carry the one… divide by four… Plus three…. Okay, your total is $159,900.”

“What?”

“Haha, just kidding! Please just have a seat at that table directly behind you, your food will be out shortly.”

I walk to the table and take a seat. My headache has miraculously subsided. I don’t know how, because that was one of the most painful encounters I’ve ever had.

Minutes pass by and still no Caesar salad. The minutes begin to turn into what feels like hours. Then I hear a large thud. I turn to my right and see a man lying on the ground. I try to get up and check on him but I’m stuck. I can’t get out of the chair.

“Hey! Hey, you! Wake up!”

The man’s eyes slowly blink open. He gets up and stares at the counter. Both women are back behind the registers. That’s when I realize the man is me.

I watch myself contemplate which cashier to choose. This time I go to the woman in bright red. This time the other girl stomps off. And as my other self begins making his order, the woman in red pulls out a gun and shoots him right in the head.

———————————————————————————

I jerk awake. Oh, thank god. It was just a dream.

I look around and I realize I’m still sitting at the table. I try to get up again but I can’t. I’m strapped to the chair. In front of me is my Caesar salad. The woman in dark blue is still behind the register.

“Enjoy your meal!” she calls out.

I take a bite and my tongue instantly catches fire. Why the fuck is a Caesar salad spicy?

“Why the hell is it spicy?”

“You didn’t say you didn’t want it spicy.”

“Caesar salads aren’t spicy!”

“Ours is.” She flips me off and storms into the kitchen.

“Hey! This is inedible! It’s way too damn spicy!”

The girl in bright red comes out from her side of the counter. She’s covered in what looks to be knife wounds.

“Oh my god. What happened?”

“You didn’t pick me. Anyway, if you wanna get out, you’re gonna have to eat that salad. Just hold your nose.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“Shut up bitch, you got me stabbed, just hold your fuckin nose.”

I hold my nose and take a bite. It worked! I devour the whole salad in a minute.

“Wow thanks for helping me. Even though I didn’t pick you.”

“Oh, don’t thank me yet.”

“Why’s that?” Suddenly my stomach erupts in agony.

“There’s a whole lotta poison in that salad. You’ve only got a few minutes before you’re dead.”

“Why would you do this?”

“Seriously? You’re asking why? Because you didn’t pick me. Look at all these stab wounds you jackass!”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve picked you. I didn’t know.”

“The outcome would’ve been the same either way. If it was me then you’d just be poisoned by her. It's kind of like the illusion of choice. We make you think there are multiple ways this could end but there are not. There’s only one. With you dying. And once you die you’ll wake up right over there where you did before. Because this is your hell.”

The words seep into my brain but none of it is making any sense. The world around me starts closing in. The lights are getting brighter and my headache is back. My stomach feels like it’s on fire and then I start to vomit blood. As I lay dying, I look up and see both cashiers staring at me with their Cheshire grins.

———————————————————————————

I wake up on my back, blinded by fluorescent lights, and with a debilitating headache.