Disclaimer: I have tried rhyming before but it’s definitely out of my comfort zone
I love the attention
The people keep supplying
I want perfection
So I keep satisfying
I crave affection
To prove I’m worth loving
I need validation
It’s so electrifying
I admire my obsession
After all this I keep trying
I feel an obligation
The pressure I keep applying
I expect an explanation
To why I’m complying
I drain my motivation
For which is dying
Nice job, Dia. This is a great little piece. I also completely relate to the feeling of craving attention as some kind of validation. I love your use of “electrifying” to describe it.
I thought you did an awesome job at rhyming here, I know it’s out of your comfort zone. The only rhyme that didn’t really work was the sixth line of the first stanza. Loving doesn’t really rhyme with the other lines in the stanza.
The second stanza is great, too. It starts to explore some of the negative aspects of vying for attention/validation. The only line I question is the last one; “for which is dying” has fewer syllables than most of the lines in the stanza, and I didn’t quite understand it. “I drain my motivation for which is dying” - what’s dying? The motivation?
Either way, it’s awesome you stepped out of your comfort zone here. You should be really proud of what you came up with 😊
