leaving, or should i say left. it always happens, its unescapable. you’re someone’s first until you’re their last.

the cruel circle of life takes a turn until you are being trampled by your own sorrow. i like to think i knew that,“trust no one”, my mothers motto growing up. i lived by it, keeping to myself and not letting anyone in. with no siblings and barely any friends i was constantly asked if my life was lonely. the true answer was no. without others in my life, my brain tried to fill in the space. constantly spiraling, never letting me take a rest. my only friend was myself, and i was the worst friend i could have. i noticed this constant claustrophobia in my mind. i decided to find someone to help me air out my own thoughts, to have a partner in life, instead of struggling by myself. i was hesitant at first, it was unnatural to trust someone else. but he made it so good, so believable. my heart was bursting out of my chest while my brain was holding me back. my heart eventually won. i let him in. let him into the deepest parts of myself, the ones that were ugly but made me who i was. i was whole before, before i made room for someone else. he took that part of me and left. now i am only a piece of who i was. leaving is easy for all, but being left is the worst pain imaginable. “trust no one”, my new motto in life.