STORY STARTER

You are a recluse who never leaves your apartment. One day, a shocking event forces you out into the street.

Describe how this type of character would feel whilst in their home, versus being forced to go out.

On The Outside

Science fiction

Last night I heard a strange noise. It was like someone screaming , but it didn’t sound human.

‘Bloody kids. They could turn their TVs down before they go to bed.’

Of course I went back to sleep. I mean, what else what I supposed to do.

This morning however, things got very strange. I ended up doing that thing. The thing that I swore I wouldn’t do all those years ago.

It all began with a knock on the door. I did what I usually did and ignore it! However, the knocking got louder and louder.

“Come on. We have to get out of here. We have to get to the safe place or we will change like the others.” I stood at the door and heard “No, no. It’s here. Please leave me. I …….” The words were replaced by an ear piercing scream.

I wasn’t sure how to react to this. My mind was telling me that I should leave. However, my heart was saying ‘Stay. Stay. You don’t want to be out there’. As I stood there, my mind was made up when I heard screaming voices.

Much to my surprise, I grabbed a rucksack and a small carry on bag which I filled with what I needed. I took one look out in to the corridor it was strewn with people. I didn’t bother looking if they were dead or not. (I didn’t want to know!)

Instead I grabbed my stuff and headed for the fire escape.

I looked around me. This was outside. I sat down and looked up. The sky was filled with, what looked to be, large squares. Ships of some sort? I could see the sky swarming with creatures.

I looked down at the people as they were being pushed along the street. My mind was full of fear & loathing. Fear of the unknown and fear of what I did know. I knew that the strange things were dangerous but I knew that being outside could be even worse.

However, my mind won out again and I made my way down the fire escape to the street. I was carried along with the throng of humanity. I listened to the voices calling out about what was happening. Suddenly I found myself joining in. I felt more alive that I had ever done before.

Maybe, even in such extremes as this, outside wasn’t as bad as I remembered. Only time will tell.

Comments 5

Tom N

3 years ago

Ooh, this was a great interpretation of the prompt Sally! I liked how you built up some suspense in the beginning by mentioning the eerie scream and that everything got strange.

One tiny improvement I can think of is perhaps the sense of pace as they were making the escape. You painted an eerie, scary picture and made it clear that the protagonist was escaping at quite a pace to save their life. To keep that momentum you could have potentially dropped some of the lines like “I looked around me” and “I sat down and looked up”. Instead, you could go straight into “the sky was filled with…”

Without describing the actions of sitting and looking we keep reading quickly as a reader and the actions of looking around are assumed.

I liked the twist at the end where they actually felt excited and alive to be outside 😁

Great work with your day 1 piece, Sally! Keep it up 😊

Ryan Lindsey

3 years ago

Very good setting and structure. The main thing that threw me off was knowing what incentive the people knocking at the person’s door had. If it was their neighbour or relative that would have made sense, but an absolute stranger risking their life to get you out of the door just didn’t sit right with me.

Aside from that, I really enjoyed the story and would love to see where you take it. 😊

On The Outside

SALLY LLOYD