The day started like any other, I remember having the day off from work. It was finally starting to feel like summer as the days grew hot and a bit muggy from the rain we’ve recieved over the last few days. I woke alone in the little two bedroom apartment I shared with my boyfriend. He must have already left for work, I hadn’t even looked at the time until entering the livingroom and the clock on the stove read just after ten in the morning.

I moved to the bathroom sluggishly, but it was when I get to the sink that a tiny voice whispered to me, _take a test_, I had no expectation for a certain outcome. But I listened to that voice, pulled a long blue plastic packaged out from under the sink and unwrapped the white stick. The last one I took said negative, so I start setting myself up mentally for the same result. After relieving myself, I put the cap back on and put it face down on the counter, and leave to get ready for the day.

When I came back a few minutes later, I was hesitant to even touch it, but I knew that if I didn’t look I wouldn’t get a definitive answer. My body tensed as I flipped over the stick, my heart nearly stopped, a certain warmth washed over me. Images of my boyfriend and I together flashed rapidly in my head, every happy smile and contagious laugh. All of our friends around us, our families coming together to create new memories. That’s when I felt the tears coming, overwhelming happiness flooded my heart, ready to spill all over the floor and fill the apartment.

The test was positive.

The rest of the day was spent trying to contian the excitment, and even plan on how I was going to tell him. I had messaged a mutual friend of ours about the test, she was excited and kept it a secret until I decided to tell him. I planned on waiting until I was farther along to ensure that I was going to be able to make it through the first trimester. But one day, he brought up how he always wanted a family, talking about the amount of kids he wants and the size of house we would need. I texted my friend that I was going to tell him the next day after he came home from work, how I was going to do it, I had no clue.

The next evening came, and I had decided to put the stick in a stuffed animal, and tell him to hug it. He was confused but did so anyway, when he felt it, pulled it out, he froze at the sight of the screen. He kept asking me if it was mine, and that it was real and not a joke. I told him through my laughs that he was going to be a dad, and he erupted with excitment, picking me up and holding me tight. He insited that we go tell our friends that we were expecting. We told all of the friends and then moved on to tell his parents. His mom cried, and his dad was proud, but it felt like a fleeting moment as they left immediately after the news.

It was when we left town to go tell my family the news that was hard. My mom worked in a different part of the state, but we had gotten there around the time that she would be awake and getting ready for work where ever she was staying at. My sister was there too with a few of her friends over, which was fine.

“Are you on the phone with mom?” I took a seat on the couch, my boyfriend sitting next to me with his hand on my leg.

“Yeah, why?” Her attitude was always sour whenever she talked to mom.

“Put her on speaker, I have something I want to tell both of you.” I could feel my body get tense with anxiety. Up until this point everyone was happy and excited for us, and I would be lying if I said that I was expecting the same from two of the most important people in my life.

“Hey, mom I’m putting you on speaker.” She hit the button and my mom’s voice was loud when she asks what’s going on.

“Well…to get straight to it,’ I grabbed his hand for reassurance, “I’m pregnant.” I had this nervous grin as my sister and mom fell silent. All I could hear were all of our heart beats as they pounded in our chests.

“_You’re pregnant?_” My mom started, shattering the quiet air.

“Yes, we are expecting.” I willed myself to sound excited. But it all came crashing down, hard and fast.

“_What were you thinking?!_”

“Do you have any idea what it takes to take care of a child?!”

“_You two haven’t even been together for that long!_”

“Are you prepared for a giant needle that can potentially paralyze you?”

“_You got my daughter pregnant, are you ready to become a father?!_”

After several mintues of being degraded for this news by my own family, my voice cracks up, “Are you not excited for us?”

“_Excited?! Why would I excited for you to have a baby with someone you barely know? Let alone being at 20 years old!_” I could feel my heart break with every word as my mom sounded furious with me. My sister was the same, talking about all of the things that comes with having a baby and that I need to start growing up if I want to keep it. I was in tears when they finally stopped.

“Listen, we’re not trying to scare you,"

“THEN WHY WOULD SAY ALL THAT STUFF?” I blubbered, “WHY WOULD YOU SAY ANY OF IT AND NOT THAT YOURE HAPPY!?” They both were quiet. Not a single thing to say in how emotionally distraught I had become over their realistic point of view. I just wanted them to say they were happy, or that they were excited to become and Aunt and Grandmother. My chest ached from the pain from the harsh words and tones in their voices. “You two have made me terrified to have a baby, the thought of it makes me wish I never got pregnant to begin with!” I knew I didn’t mean that, and so did my boyfriend, I was jsut heartbroken at my sister and mom for reacting the way they did. Even when everyone else was happy for us.

“Come on, love, lets go back home.”

“Be lucky if I even include in my baby’s life after all this.” I mumbled under my breath.

“What did you say?” My sister’s nagging voice was viral to my eardrums, wincing at every word.

“Nothing.” we truned to leave the house, “I said nothing.”

We got back home around sunset, I took a shower to clear my head, but the pain was just too much. I couldn’t contain my tears as my heart broke over and over again as the memory replayed on loop. My dad wasn’t even upset about it, he was excited to become a Grandfather, and then the same with my stepmom.

But my mom and sister have always been by my side. They have _always_ been there for me when ever I needed them. But after what happened that day, I developed a new opinion about them.

THEY WOULD NEVER BE HAPPY FOR ME EXPANDING MY OWN FAMILY.

A couple weeks would pass, not a word was talked to my sister or mom. They kept calling, texting, even trying to get my dad to relay messages to me. I wasn’t having any of it. I told my stepmom about the event, and she told me that they would come around and accpet that the youngest was growing up so fast, and that I shouldn’t hold they’re reponse against them. I didn’t know how to feel, with this or the fact that a mutual friend of ours was having issues of his own and came to me trying to convice me to be on his side.

I was exactly two months when everything happen. I was at work, and our friend had stopped in to complain about something that his baby momma had done. I texted my manager if he could send the cop that stopped by every night back to where I was because of how stressed out I felt. I knew that it wasn’t right for him to be coming to me with his life problems, and that it wasn’t good for my baby either. The officer came and told him to stop bothering me. Some statements were shared and the cop made sure I was ok before leaving, telling me to call him if I have anymore issues with the friend.

It was about an hour after he left that I started to feel this sharp pain in my hips. It was mild at first but became intense as time moved on. I called my boyfriend to tell him something was wrong and that I needed to go to the hospital. He rushed over, told my manager to shove it, that he’s taking me to the E.R. It would be another two and half hours before they told me the news. It was cold, no empathy behind the tone, and no sadness for us.

I had miscarried.