the love of my life just called me his

and i’m conditioning my hair

i didn’t think i believed in this stuff

i think as i brush

the strands falling with the water

down the drain i watch them

and hope everything will be okay

i’m inviting my friends to my birthday party

the first in eight years

my boyfriend is coming over for dinner

my heart holds something aside from dread

i think i’m keen for this future

but what about when it’s all over?

i watched a movie

about an old man learning life after love

holding my heart i realise

one way or another my love will die

we’ll change our minds

or he will die, or i will

my heart definitely will

i don’t know if ill be okay

so i push down the feelings

pause on the present

in these confusing feelings

but in this present i’m still in the shower

waiting for the water to get warm

but it’s still cold and i’m alone

watching my conditioned hair fall down the drain

alongside my broken glistening tears

i’m the happiest i’ve been in my whole miserable life

yet i can’t stop these tears from streaming down my face

in the mirror i look into my lifeless eyes, blurry and glistening

and through the haze

i know somehow despite all hope

everything will be okay