“I love you.”

He blinks. With a mere two steps, he puts the world between us, repulsed as such by the words I have shared even though they have been said before. He sighs. Taking a moment to breathe the thinning air around us before whispering;

“You can’t. You- you don’t. “ he looks down at the floor, “We can’t do this to each other, not anymore. We have to give each other up before- before one of us gets hurt.”

He’s right, I know he is but the knowledge of this won’t numb the ache in my chest. He looks straight at me this time, straight through me. I don’t want him to see me right now and so I look down.

“Please.” The word is strangled and catches in my throat, a further torment to my dignity as a strained sob chokes me of my breath. I cannot quit him, cannot quit us. But I fear that he already has. He lifts my face so that our eyes meet, I find myself drowning in the blue irises as I have done many times before.

“Please, don’t cry. If you cry I won’t be able to leave and I have to; you know that I do.” He breathes deeply, removing his touch from my skin but not before wiping away my tears. He moves away once more and turns his back to me before continuing.

“We can’t and we won’t do this again, not when I know how it ends. We’ve got to end this here. God, aren’t you sick of it? Constantly having to fight for this. Us. I know I am. No matter the ending, one of us is going to get hurt and I sure as hell am going to make sure that it isn’t you.”

The truth of it hurts more than anything. He doesn’t want to hurt me and I don’t want to hurt him yet somehow both of us end up in pain.

“Don’t. Please, don’t say goodbye. Say anything but that, shout at me or- or lie to me.” I pause for a second, taking a minute to consider saving whatever dignity I might have left, “Yes, just lie. Tell me what I need to hear, I don’t care if it’s true or not just lie to me, please.”

He turns to face me once more, his eyes are unwavering, challenging me to look away. He knows how desperate I am, he knows that I am holding onto nothing more than a thread and that he is the only one with the capacity to ruin or salvage me. He knows he cannot ruin me again and so he does what I ask.

“I love you.”

-Elouise b :)