Elouise B :)
British and inexperienced but I’m trying :) all opinions are valued :) IG: elouiseb_writing_
Elouise B :)
British and inexperienced but I’m trying :) all opinions are valued :) IG: elouiseb_writing_
British and inexperienced but I’m trying :) all opinions are valued :) IG: elouiseb_writing_
British and inexperienced but I’m trying :) all opinions are valued :) IG: elouiseb_writing_
Out of reach, You always seemed to be— Out of reach.
Next to me but your minds elsewhere, You swear— There’s no where you’d rather be.
So why are you looking at the door? Is it because you don’t want me anymore?
It’s fine either way, Because at the end of the day, You’re not the boy I fell for.
So why are we still here? My friends call it stupidity, I call it love but it might not be.
You are always just out of reach And no matter how in love I may be, The girl you’re reaching for isn’t me.
-Elouise B :)
He says—she says I’m sick of this. I’m scared— You’re scared. We’re holding onto nothing.
Is this love? It sure doesn’t feel like it. Giving up for the sake Of feeling something.
You’re a believer. And I’m a realist. So maybe it’s time We gave up on this.
He says: I love you. She says: do you? Lately it seems Like I’m just a chore to you.
He says: it’s better to love She says: it’s better to lose. Neither one know they mean the same thing, Neither one know love’s not what they’re in.
“I love you.”
He blinks. With a mere two steps, he puts the world between us, repulsed as such by the words I have shared even though they have been said before. He sighs. Taking a moment to breathe the thinning air around us before whispering;
“You can’t. You- you don’t. “ he looks down at the floor, “We can’t do this to each other, not anymore. We have to give each other up before- before one of us gets hurt.”
He’s right, I know he is but the knowledge of this won’t numb the ache in my chest. He looks straight at me this time, straight through me. I don’t want him to see me right now and so I look down.
“Please.” The word is strangled and catches in my throat, a further torment to my dignity as a strained sob chokes me of my breath. I cannot quit him, cannot quit us. But I fear that he already has. He lifts my face so that our eyes meet, I find myself drowning in the blue irises as I have done many times before.
“Please, don’t cry. If you cry I won’t be able to leave and I have to; you know that I do.” He breathes deeply, removing his touch from my skin but not before wiping away my tears. He moves away once more and turns his back to me before continuing.
“We can’t and we won’t do this again, not when I know how it ends. We’ve got to end this here. God, aren’t you sick of it? Constantly having to fight for this. Us. I know I am. No matter the ending, one of us is going to get hurt and I sure as hell am going to make sure that it isn’t you.”
The truth of it hurts more than anything. He doesn’t want to hurt me and I don’t want to hurt him yet somehow both of us end up in pain.
“Don’t. Please, don’t say goodbye. Say anything but that, shout at me or- or lie to me.” I pause for a second, taking a minute to consider saving whatever dignity I might have left, “Yes, just lie. Tell me what I need to hear, I don’t care if it’s true or not just lie to me, please.”
He turns to face me once more, his eyes are unwavering, challenging me to look away. He knows how desperate I am, he knows that I am holding onto nothing more than a thread and that he is the only one with the capacity to ruin or salvage me. He knows he cannot ruin me again and so he does what I ask.
“I love you.”
-Elouise b :)
I do not know how long I have been here and I’m not even sure why I am.
The bouquet of white daisies in my callous palms are wilted and saddened, growing sickly in colour. The slamming of doors and the wracked sobs in the distance blend into the cracks of despair.
Death is a frequent visitor here.
Sweaty palms and strained breaths are the only things that remind me I am living. I hear my name being called but delay my response for a minute or two, I am unsure as to whether I want to know what is happening.
A second beckoning of my name and I’m up on both feet. I want to know, I have decided, I want to know what is happening. I want to know how to fix it.
I cannot, she says, I cannot fix this. She tells me she’s sorry, too late she says. Too late. Too late. Too late. Too late for what? Too late to fix it? No! She’s a liar, I tell her, I tell her:
“You’re a liar!”
How can it be true? I ask her, I ask her how can it be true?I tell her if she won’t tell me the truth I’ll find it for myself. She tried to warn me, oh how she did. I was too fast. I ran to the room I was waiting for, I ran to the room of my lifeline.
Except the beds are stripped and the breeze is free-flowing, the blood soaked sheets now abandoned on the floor.
I am left with nothing. I am nothing.
Sweaty palms and strained breaths are all that remind me I am living, Broken sobs and torn up heartstrings cry out for a world this unforgiving.
-Elouise b :)
It happened so long ago, That I remember it in black and white, We tried to reach the stars, We thought our love could reach the height.
It happened so long ago, That the sky’s were painted green, Grass was blue, clouds were black, Upside down, with no way back.
It happened so long ago, A time where love was grey, A time we loved in red, Maybe we should’ve used grey instead.
It happened so long ago, That men could not cry, And women shouldn’t have ask why. Oh, what a tainted time!
It happened so long ago, Some days I start to forget, It’s the moments I recall, Not the things I once regret.
It happened so long ago, The time for you and I, Fragile like a string, Yes indeed, I saw the whole thing.
-Elouise b :)
You or me. Me or you.
We keep blending the lines between what’s false and what’s true.
I’ll take the blame, If that’s what I have to do, I’ll smear blood on my hands, I’ll hold the gun if you asked me to.
You’ll pull the trigger, And I’ll sit in silence, I’ll hold my peace, And turn to violence.
I’ll surrender at their gunshots, While you sneak out the back door, I’ll admit to their claims, Whilst they pin me to the floor.
I’ll be the criminal, If it means I get your love, Ignite me while you can, I’ll pretend that it’s enough.
You’ll give me your love, If it means you get away.
Yes, I’ll be the criminal and you’ll be the liar, You’ll light the match and I’ll burn in the fire.
-Elouise b :)
Look in the reflection, Walk through the shadows of the past, Try to find the reason, That friendship didn’t last.
Look in the reflection, Smile at the ghost of your first love, Try to find the reason, You never were enough.
Look in the reflection, Hear the whispers of their talk, Try to find the reason, Of that path you chose to walk.
Look in the reflection, Find what you seek to see, Try to find the reason, Their face appeared when you read thee.
-Elouise B :)
Before I know it I’m leaving, Leaving, Leaving, Leaving out the door.
Before you sense my pain, You’re smiling down at her once more.
When will you realise, The person you’ve been looking for is me, When will you realise you’re loving her when you should be loving me.
She’s holding your hands, Smiling like you’re the universe, She’s looking up, At the future and I wish it was us.
Preparing for forever, At the sacrifice of mine, Waiting on your honeymoon, Probably visit some place she won’t even like.
She’s wearing my white dress, The one I always dreamed about, She’s throwing my flowers, Picking the next bride out, Maybe if I stayed I would catch it.
But if this is the end
I’d rather miss it ...
Take me back to the days we were running, Running from our shadows, Like they were something, Something to be scared or frightful, Now all I see is dusk turn to dawn, As the night falls.
Swinging higher than the trees, Chasing endless happy dreams, Sliding down the slope of fame, But now we don’t know each other’s names.
Where did the days in the park go? Eating ice cream, Until we had to go, Take my hands and just let me know, That you remember those days in the park though.
And I miss it, I do, Wishing I could run back there with you, But the sun has gone away, Taking summer and stealing the good old days.
-Elouise b :)
You used to lie and say forever, But now nothing seems to last, You once said that you loved me, So how could you forget the past? I never could forget the past.
I still remember the September kisses, And in November wish I could re live it, But in December everything seemed to go wrong; It was always meant to go wrong.
You took my hand and told me it would be alright, So how come nothing seems to be alright? You took my hand and I followed you into the night, Now I’m somewhere lost in the night.
Was it really that easy? To move on from me. Is she really better, In every single way that could be, That’s what they say to me.
Cause now she’s holding on to your sweater, For when the days get a little bitter, Wish that could be me but we both know it wont, You want it to be me but it seems our time is done.
So she can hold onto your sweatshirt, I know I held it a little better, You can hold her hand into the dark, But we both know she wouldn’t light the way like I did, She can’t light it like I did.
-Elouise b :)