Katya:

I remember the first time I met Mr. Grells. He was my English teacher. I was a naive little 12th grader. I had dark, black hair that fell below my waist, I wore a tight pair of blue jeans, and I had a short-sleeved, lavender top on. But most of all, I had a dream to be in love that I just couldn’t shake. I saw him writing his name on the white board on the first day of school, and I was instantly intrigued. It was the first time in years that I'd gotten a new teacher. I swiftly placed my papers and textbooks on my desk, and walked over to introduce myself.

“Hi Mr…” I started.

“Mr. Grells,” He told me.

“Mr Grells, I’m Katya Tyson, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” I said.

“The pleasure is all mine Ms. Tyson” He smiled.

I sat down at my desk, and we started the class. I don’t recall most of the things we learned in that class. I was too mesmerized by how beautiful Mr. Grell’s eyes were. He couldn’t be much older than me I thought. He looks 24 maybe. I’m 17, I wonder what he thinks of me. I quickly pushed my thoughts aside. It was ridiculous. He was my teacher, he was a good teacher. There was no way that I’d be willing to jeopardize my chances at University, and his chances at a successful career. I wrote my notes quickly on the sheet, rushing to underline and circle all of the key points. But again, I was in a strange trance, like one you’d experience after reading a good book for a long period of time, or when you leave a movie theater; nothing seemed real.

Later on that first day of school, I was heading to my art class, a class I’d been dreading the entire day. I was running a little late, so I was in a hurry. All of a sudden, I crashed into somebody. I fell to the ground, they did too. My papers went flying and so did my art supplies. I saw that the sleeve of their shirt had ripped open, and I winced at the scrape I saw down my own arm. I sat upright, looking toward the person I knocked into. It was Mr. Grells! He had spilled coffee soaking into his white, collared shirt, and his papers had been mixed into the pile with mine.

“Mr. Grells, I am so sorry. It was an accident. I was in a hurry,” I quickly apologized.

“It’s okay, Katya. I’m as much to blame as you are,” He frowned. “Why don’t I sort through this mess while you head to class. Meet me in my class after school, I’ll give you your papers there,” He suggested. I scrambled to grab my markers and sketchbook.

“Thank you so much. I’ll see you later!” I exclaimed.

After my art class, where I painted a desert landscape, I rushed to Mr. Grells class. I needed to catch the bus to the library right after school, so I didn’t want to be late. I had many upcoming exams next week, which I hated because school had just started. Regardless, I couldn’t miss the bus, because if I showed up late, I might get kicked out of my study group. People want someone reliable, and being punctual sets a good first impression. I speed-walked down the hall, talking left and rights everywhere. Our school was massive, not filled with students or anything, but it had very large classrooms, as well as several floors. Sometimes it could be difficult to find your way around unless you were exactly sure where you were headed. I was particularly careful not to run into anyone by accident, I definitely didn’t need any more setbacks today. Finally, I found myself outside of Mr. Grells classroom. I was about to open the door. When I suddenly felt my heart beating faster. I took a quick breath, not sure what was going on. I went to open the door again, but I could feel my chest tightening, and I was jittering nervously. I didn’t think much of it, and I forced myself to open the door. I instantly locked eyes with Mr. Grells.

“Why hello there Katya. Come on in,” He calmly invited. I walked into his classroom, quietly shutting the door behind me.

“I’m just here to pick up my papers,” I said shakily.

“You seem out of breath, are you nervous or something?” He chuckled. My face turned bright red. I wasn’t exactly sure what to do.

Finally I said, “I’m in a bit of a rush if you don't mind sir.”

“Okay,” He replied. “By the way, you don’t have to call me sir,” He added. He handed me my papers.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to Mr. Grells,” I corrected myself.

“It’s fine.” I turned around and placed my hand on the door handle to leave.

“But I think it’s cute,” He grinned.

I left the room, not looking back or reacting at all. I rushed to the bus stop, trying to block out the entire conversation, as it replayed over and over in my head.

“Gee Katya, you seem awfully nervous. Did something happen?” Diana asked me.

“Uh,” I blushed.

“Ohhh,” She exclaimed. “It’s about a boy, isn’t it?” She smiled softly.

“No!” I shouted. “Kind of,” I admitted.

“Tell me more…”

“Well, I. I can’t-I can’t really say,” I tried to explain. “I just-I noticed this teach… I mean, guy today at school, and I talked to him after my art class. He seemed really into me, but I just don’t think it’s right.”

“So you’re saying that it’s not a good fit, or it’s a forbidden romance?” She asked curiously.

“I’m not exactly sure. But I don’t think I’m going to pursue him anyway.”

“Girl!” She yelled.

“What?” I asked her.

“You have to get out there. You’ve barely dated, and high school is the time to have fun with guys. I say go for it!” She encouraged me. I didn’t say anything for the rest of the bus ride. Anything I said was pointless. I could never, ever try to pursue him. It was wrong, right?

The next day, I felt like I saw Mr. Grells’ face everywhere I looked. Time and time again, I would cringe at myself, wishing I wasn’t such a naive idiot. The whole situation is in my imagination anyway I told myself. He would never pursue me, it’s not in the job description. I had his class for 3rd period, I was nervous, but I knew that there wasn't anything to worry about. I just needed to focus on school. When I came into the class, I took a seat at my regular desk. A few people were chatting for a few minutes while we waited for Mr. Grells. I was reading the Stephen King book Carrie. I had read it a few times in middle school, but I don’t think I could fully comprehend the writing until that year.

“Good morning class, I’m glad to see you this morning,” Mr Grells said with a smile. I read one last sentence on my page, then put it down to focus on the teacher.

“Today, we’re going to be officially starting a novel study. It is traditional to study Shakespeare, but I’d like to take a different approach this semester,” He explained to us. My hand immediately shot up.

“Yes, Ms. Tyson?”

“Mr. Grells, I thought that it was required to read Shakespeare this year.” I was a bit worried what Mr. Grells was getting us into.

“Yes, it is. Next semester, your drama teacher and I will be collaborating to study and put on Romeo and Juliet. But this semester, we’re going to study a piece of literature that’s unique to what you’d normally read. We’re going to spice things up with a little Stephen King. Carrie, to be more specific,” He said as he diverted his glance directly at me. He looked me up and down, grinning as he noticed my book sitting face down on my desk.

“It looks like some students are getting a bit of a head start,” He chuckled as he motioned towards me. The entire class turned their heads to look at me. I put on a quick fake smile, but you could tell I was a bit embarrassed. I raised my hand again.

“Could I be excused for a minute please?” I asked. He nodded and I stood up to leave my desk.

In the hallway, I breathed heavily. My chest was going up and down very quickly, and I could hear my shaky breath. After the interaction I had with Mr. Grells yesterday, it felt very strange that he just so happened to choose the book I was reading for a novel study. Is this really a coincidence? Was everything I thought before actually a reality? What if none of this is in my imagination? I took a deep breath in, still shaking a little. Why am I being so ridiculous? I thought. I decided that I was being paranoid. Or at the very least, I was making things up because I had a little crush on him. I calmly walked back into the classroom, and Mr. Grells started to hand out books. He gave a little smile when he came to my desk, and tapped lightly on my copy of the book. I gave a soft smile back, and looked down at his hand, which begged to be held; I wished I could grab it and hold it close to my heart.

For the rest of the week, I just let myself fall into a trance every time I saw him. I would laugh at the little jokes he would make in class, I would find excuses to talk to him after class, and I would look back on playful banter we had. I just fell for him, in every possible way. Every class with him, I would notice something new to like about him, and I think…I think he would notice things about me too.

After we’d finished the response questions for chapter 2, Mr. Grells was asking to see many students after class. A lot of people were getting bad marks, and he was reaching out to parents, trying to get them some support. I was confident that I’d be getting a good mark, considering I understood a lot more on the third time reading it. I was able to use things I already knew about the book to discuss possible motivations and troubles that the characters experienced. But one class, Mr. Grells asked to see me after school. After school, when I came into the classroom, he pulled out my response questions, and my face dropped.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m just disappointed that I failed the questions,” I said softly.

“That’s not why I asked you to come here,” He told me. I looked up, and our eyes locked.

“It’s not?”

“No. You are an incredible student. These responses were thoroughly detailed, and they used above grade level vocabulary. I was extremely impressed. I asked you here because I want to write a speech about bullying for the upcoming assembly. After marking your responses, I noticed that it seems like you can really understand Carrie, and everything she’s going through. That’s why you’re the perfect student to be making this speech. Coming from you, it’ll sound caring and understanding, and maybe more students will come forward about bullying or other issues that they're experiencing,” He pointed out.

“Wow. I’m honored that you’d think of me, Mr. Grells. I can start working on the speech right away. Are there any requirements that I should know about?” He smirked at me.

“There is one requirement. We have to work on it together. So we’ll have to spend a lot of time together outside of school.”

He came to the other side of the desk, stroking his hand lightly against mine. My eyes widened. I wasn’t making it up. There’s a spark between us. He’s making a move! He pushed my hair behind one ear, and he looked deep into my eyes. He leaned in slowly for a kiss, but I didn’t know what to do. I quickly turned away. Then he turned away with embarrassment. Before either of us could say anything, I ran out of the class, tears streaming down my face. I can’t believe that just happened. Not only had I almost shared a kiss with my teacher, but I wanted to do it. Sure, I was scared of what it could have led to, but I desperately wished to kiss him, and to hold him. If anything was considered a forbidden romance, this was it. As much as I tried and tried to block out every moment with him from my memory, all I could think was what if he wants me this much too? No, I can’t. I can’t do this. It would ruin everything I thought. But it just isn’t fair. All of the people around me get to be in love and happy, but there’s a barrier blocking me from experiencing it too. It’s like I can’t have any breathing room. If I wanted to be with him, really, it would always have to be a secret. Now I find myself stuck in an impossible situation, and I can’t get out because I’m too infatuated with him I thought.

I told my parents that I was sick for the next couple of days. There was no way I could face Mr. Grells after what happened. A part of me knew I was manifesting it, but I knew that it was his fault. It was extremely inappropriate for him to have pursued me that way, he should’ve known better. I mean, he was my teacher for god’s sake. Eventually I would have to face him though. The next week, I decided it was time to go back to school. I had already missed countless assignments, and I needed to tell Mr. Grells to back off. I knew that it was the right thing to do to tell him that there was no chance of us happening; ever. Thus, I headed back to school, where I immediately began drowning in homework and a hungry social life. My study group was in disbelief of how many sessions I’d missed, so I was of course kicked out. My friends felt abandoned, so we were in a fight. I also had teachers telling me that I had to catch up on my assignments by the end of the week, or I’d get zeros. I felt so overwhelmed with stress that I was chewing my fingernails and ripping out my hair. I hadn’t even talked to Mr. Grells yet! When it was time for English class, I slowly walked into class, put my things on my desk, and made my way to the front of Mr. Grells’ classroom.

“Katya! Good to see you. How are you feeling? I heard that you were sick,” He said enthusiastically. I gave him a glare of complete disbelief. How is he acting so normal?

“Um, yeah, I wasn’t feeling good. I was just wondering if I could speak with you after class?” I asked him while I avoided eye contact.

“Sure,” He spoke in a soft voice, suddenly seeming very anxious.

Afterwards, when the classroom had cleared out, I got up to chat with Mr. Grells.

“Mr. Grells, I think we should talk about what happened last week,” I started. “I don’t know what you were thinking, coming at me like that. I didn’t feel that it was appropriate.”

“I know,” He said. “I shouldn’t have ever…” He trailed off and looked me in the eyes. “No matter how amazing I think you are, I know that it was a mistake, and I’m fully willing to admit that. I tried to kiss you. I really, really wanted to kiss you, Katya.” We both looked at each other, but I started to glance at the floor.

“You know, nothing can ever happen between us,” I said quietly. “Even if I think you’re a super smart and great guy.”

“I know,” He replied.

We looked at each other again. This time I didn’t look away. I knew the consequences this would bring, and how many problems would arise. Regardless, I wanted him. I needed him. I took his hand and pulled it around my waist as I put my arms up around his neck. I played with his hair as we silently soaked in this moment. I could tell that he was skeptical of whether or not he was taking advantage, but that’s when I leaned in to kiss him. A million thoughts were racing through my head. What if someone sees us? Is he enjoying this as much as I am? This is crazy, I never should have done this. This feels right though, like I finally have a chance at love. He slid his hands to the sides of my face and held it. I was hugging him with my arms. Suddenly, I turned away.

“Are you okay?” He asked me, holding my hand. I dropped it and walked over to my desk. I gathered up my things, and decided to leave the room.

“Wait!” He shouted as my hand grasped the door knob. I paused for a moment, then left in a hurry.

I knew I couldn’t skip any more school. Even if my parents let me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to catch up. Besides, my grades were more important to me than some guy. If I had to face him in order to be a good student, I was willing to. The next day, as much as it hurt me to be in that god awful building, I went. I was confident that it was the day I got back on track. I started by having discussions with all of my teachers about project extensions, which I got a reasonable amount of time for. Except my history teacher, Mrs. Morris, refused to extend the due date on my report to the next week; she wanted it in by Thursday. I planned on skipping art so that I could work on it. I already finished my painting anyway. As much as I hated to admit it, I was good at art, and it looked good on college applications. I didn’t want to go to English class that day. So badly that I decided to skip out. Well… more or less. I read the next chapter of the book, and I printed off the chapter questions. Even if I didn’t want to see Mr. Grells, I wasn’t going to let him give me a bad mark. I wasn’t anything if not a committed student. I decided after a while that I was being a bit ridiculous, so I decided to go to his class the next day.

I got to school bright and early the next day. It was sunny and warm, and the sky was completely covered in pure blue. I was wearing a mint green, strapless dress, which I paired with my signature strappy sandals. My olive skin was glowing in the sun. I felt so confident and beautiful. I especially needed that today because it would be the first time I saw Mr. Grells since I kissed him. English was my first class of the day, so I begrudgingly made my way to the second floor. I came in earlier than anyone else. I wasn’t sure if I subconsciously knew that I should talk to Mr. Grells, or if I was just naturally dedicated to being on time. Nevertheless, the classroom was silent as I read ahead through the book, and Mr. Grells soundlessly marked more assignments. I looked up at him; it was like he was willing me to come.

“Mr. Grells, I…” He looked up at me. “I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay,” He said, “None of this is your fault. I should have stopped this before it even started,” He explained.

“Please… Don’t,” I said back. “I could barely comprehend the idea of us being together, but once that door opened, I couldn’t close it. I think I might be in love with you.” He stared intensely at me, seemingly very confused.

“It might be a bit of a stretch, but it was something I had to get off my chest Mr. Grells.” I had no idea what he could be thinking, but I needed to know.

“Katya, don’t call me Mr. Grells—call me Elijah,” He declared. I smiled, and nodded at him.