I've been called a dreamer. A thing I've always embraced. But people laugh and people joke, until I've been displaced.

Have you heard of hopeless romantics? Those who wish that fate could be real? Those who twist and turn, wishing that a soulmate would reveal?

Those people end up single. Crying alone at night. Wishing that the romance books would turn to real life.

Maybe you've heard of optimists. Ones who always have good luck. But ones who put in too much faith and can't attain a buck.

Now we have the American dream. A house with every room. Perfect children everywhere, with your perfect groom.

But broken homes are all around. The kids are split apart. The perfect groom has disappeared and is breaking your heart.

I've been called a dreamer. A thing I've always embraced. But people laughed and people joked and now I've been erased.

Focus, focus, focus, Is repeating in my head. But my dreams are alive, And my concentration’s dead.

A problem on the table, And another in my mind. The complication's stirring And I'm really in a bind.

My attention has been captured, It's too late to go back. Now without these daydreams, I may just crack in half.

I adore the little visions, Of the things I know aren't bad. Or haven't been bad ever since They made me feel glad.

The snap of their fingers, Are echoing all around. I wish I could snap out of it But I still hear a sound.

This sound's a little voice, Nothing more than a coo. It's whispering my fate. There's nothing more to do.

I won't always keep in focus, Though foolish it may seem. So I'll listen and I'll learn, That school doesn't hold all dreams.

I stare into your eyes, Afraid of what they say. You let out a few sighs, But I won't go away.

Together we are dark, Because I hear your thoughts. You won't say there's a spark, Because you're scared of knots.

Any sort of tie to me, Any sort of connection, Leaves you to lie to me, Which causes imperfection.

The messages are mangled. I can’t tell what you’re thinking. The words become entangled, Every time I see you blinking.

A whisper from you, Is what I have pled, For what we’ve been through, You’d love me instead.

No message of hope, Just saying “go away,” I wished we’d elope, But you wish to stay.

For if you love me, But I know you don’t, You’d send a message above me, But I know you won’t.

Every tear you shed, Sparks a fire in my chest. I am jealous of the feelings, Jealous because I am impressed.

I couldn’t feel a tiny thing, For my emotions have turned numb. There wasn’t room for any pain, When my long day was done.

I wish that I could hurt that way, A way that makes me sad. But I take every giant loss, And pretend that I am glad.

Denial is my favourite thing, Though it makes me feel guilty. I can’t help but push from mind, The thoughts of pain that kill me.

A death of family rings a bell, But it was never real. At least in not in my mind because I didn’t really feel.

Maybe that's when it begins. Denial might appear When pain becomes too painful, And grief is all you fear.

I glared into the eyes of my deepest shame. The being that destroyed every part of my life that hadn’t yet turned cruel. It smiled softly back at me, for it was only a baby; my baby. I lived alone with the filthy thing, listening to its cries as I desperately fought to tune out the voices screaming all around me. For the baby wasn’t the only thing trapped in my head and in my home. I was never alone from those who tried to frighten me. The ones who had warned me of this baby and how its existence was dooming my future. They would scream extra loud so that I knew that I’d made a deadly mistake. One day, they would come for me, but not until they knew that I was miserable enough to ask for their help. These voices sometimes came to life; show’d themselves to me in ways that nobody else had ever understood. In fact, people figured I’d gone mental by the way I yelled at them to leave me alone. I’d wake at night to them over me, staring into my soul and sucking it into themselves. I’d scream for help, only to have nothing come out. Then I’d awaken in a panic as if it had all been a dream to begin with. That’s when I began to feel isolated. I was isolated by those who had left me due to their incredulousness. I was isolated from the world after I spent all my days caring for the child whom I resented. Whom I wished had never been born but whom I knew would have come to haunt my dreams regardless. This child could never be a blessing, for it was a cruelty gifted by shadow monsters. Little by little, day by day, cry by cry and nightmare by nightmare, I became unhinged. Mad and demented. Thoughts weren’t my own anymore, for they belonged to the shadow monsters. So did the howls of my baby. At one point I was driven so insane by the maddening monsters and the shrieks that they inflicted on my child that I grabbed her and shook her until she shut up. I never heard her cry after that. Sometimes, I couldn’t even hear her breathe. The only times when I even really knew that she was alive was when I would hear shaking from the crib and I’d watch as her eyes rolled back and vomit spilled from her fragile lips. In those moments, the shadows would creep up onto my shoulders and whisper, saying You did this; not us. We warned you and you turned on us. Look at how bad of a mother you’ve turned out to be. Sometimes that would make me cry. Other times, I’d smile. The shadows already felt like hallucinations, and sometimes, so did my life. I was a part of one waking nightmare that would never end, so maybe if my baby died, it wouldn’t hurt it. I’d be freeing it. I’d be innocent, I thought. Just like I always have been. The thought of never hurting this child again, like the shadows wanted, made a weight lift from my shoulders. I smiled; even chuckled a little to myself. She’d hopefully go up to heaven where she couldn’t be harmed anymore, but probably not. If she was a creature of the shadow monster’s creation, she’d by taunted and tortured her entire afterlife. For eternity. Again, a sly and thin grin stretched across my face. No matter how hard I fought the pictures in my mind, I couldn’t unsee this. I could only see her, surrounded in a puddle of blood and vomit, whimpering and trembling as my fingertips jammed their way into her jugular, and as I laughed savagely, suffocating her to death. Then, as rapid and unexpectedly as I normally did, I awoke and regained consciousness. Except it wasn’t the same as I’d always awoken. I always awoke to nothing there. No shadow monsters, no blood, no pain. Only fear. Yet there I stood, fearful, covered in blood, and watching as my baby wheezed in and out a final, suffering breath. Her mangled figure lay in a blood-soaked blanket, which was the only thing that had ever comforted her. You did it, cried the shadow monsters in bellowing, excited voices. My head whipped backwards, staring into a box of staticky, noisy nightmares, provoking and teasing me. I grinned a final grin into the box, letting it absorb what was left of my soul. Help me, I told the shadow monsters. Help me.

A soft, calming smile, Or an inviting, fun grin? How much trouble Will each get me in?

One’s just a boy, Incapable of hurting. Another is a man, One that loved the flirting.

He’s always sweet to me, Walks me home every night. Lays a kiss on my cheek, Always treating me right.

He’s not mean but joking, He gives me all but half. He likes to shoot a wink, Which always makes me laugh.

He always talks with me, With the other I'm ignored. He always flirts with me, With the other I am bored.

Something calls me to danger, Is the one who is tough, But life without innocence, Is sure to be rough.

I dream of perfection, Us strolling hand in hand, But without the excitement, It’ll never be grand.

So what do I choose? I choose true love’s kiss, “With who?” You ask. The one that I’d miss.

I care for the thrill, And I care for the fun. I care for the winks And I care for the puns.

But nothing compares, To the love that I feel, When you glance at me, And I feel something real.

Maybe if I let you win You’d finally stop and just give in

But my ambition crushes pity And you’ll be playing with the witty

I made my plan and acted serious But you were always being delirious

You took it harder than I did Even though I hate to kid

You found a victim from a distance Watched them shower me in kisses

Then you had a brilliant thought That without love I’d lay to rot

As you crept in you smiled bigger Laughing as your grasped the trigger

A heartbroken gasp escaped me fast And you ran out like time had passed

But our time was cut far too short You figured explanations would show support

I can’t bring myself to face you again For we were never truly friends

Competitors, rivals, however you like As long as you’re gone you’ll always be right

I think deep down I always knew That this was just a game to you.

In the kitchen where we met, Holds a memory in my head.

You were cooking all alone, Before I called you on the phone.

You didn’t know who I was, Only that I called because…

I needed food in my system, Something special, maybe wisdom.

You advised me to be hopeful, That darkness wasn’t always mopeful.

I asked if we could have a meeting, And you’d be pleased to have a greeting.

I saw your eyes and I just knew, That the person there was you.

Now I’ve loved you three whole years, Haven’t had to hold back tears.

For I feel content when you’re around, Like I’ll never hit the ground.

Stay with me for this tradition, Where I’ll meet you in the kitchen.

“The death of family, The world’s greatest loss. For me was never hard, For paths we’re never crossed.

I’m still standing, Here over a father. One that was loved, But love he couldn’t bother.

I was left alone, To be raised by a whore, One that didn’t love, Or do anything more.

Yet a father was out there, One that had things for me. But he kept far away, Until he was set free.

You lucky bastard! You just got to go! No more responsibility, No family to grow.

But I was that family. The kid dreaming of a day, Where you would come back, And be there to stay.

I’ve accepted this loss, And I’m ready to move on, Never thinking of you, Or how things could have gone.

I’m me from experience, Though the past is painful, I’ve grown from that pain, And for that I’ll be grateful.”

A card flips swiftly, Landing softly on top. It shows an image of you. My heart comes to a stop.

The card reads THE SUN And I can’t help but dream Of when you were here, Sewn to me like a seam.

You bring me my light, Help my world flow. The sun is always here, But you I let go.

You are the sun. Light that keeps me alive. I love you forever, Until the day we both die.