I learned a little something more today about internal monologues

Some people hear voices in there that aren’t their own

Separate, even.

I wish I had that excuse

Then maybe I wouldn’t carry the guilt with me,

Because they wouldn’t be my thoughts

But I am what I think

What I think is who I am

Said I wasn’t going to read more tonight,

But thoughts hatched a plan

And I’ve done this before,

But I feel guilt for it now?

I guess because I’d used my sleep as a bargaining chip.

I’m proving unreliable

Hope mom doesn’t find out

So debating with myself?

Exactly how it sounds

I have one thought,

My other thoughts disagree,

And yet both persist

Both stick around

So If I can’t control my own thoughts,

How can I control myself?

My impulses get the best of me often

My subconscious sings aloud

I don’t understand myself

I don’t understand a lot right now

If I don’t have to believe something to think it,

How will I know when the intrusive thoughts mean a real problem?