I miss her sometimes.
She was a good friend.
We were there for each other in the hard times.
We only knew each other in the hard times.
It’s easy to bond over that.
But I don’t think we would’ve needed it.
But she was so sweet and kind
And easy to talk to.
We bonded over Olivia Rodrigo.
I taught her how to make paper cranes
And she made an army to rival my own.
I made her a particularly special on...
I haven’t grown since I was in sixth grade.
I thought I had,
I wanted to believe that,
But if anything,
I’m worse off,
Or just unchanged.
I forget every now and then,
Because I guess egotistical is my natural state,
But every now and then someone reminds me,
That I’m doing something wrong,
That I haven’t changed.
So I will change.
I will put on a new face just as I have done before,
Because I gue...
He looks so amazing
And perfectly healthy.
I wonder what he would think of my being insane.
It makes me more interesting, doesn’t it?
More dynamic?
But if he’s perfect why would he choose someone flawed?
I have so many flaws…
I know that I don’t know that he’s perfect.
He looks happy but it’s hard to tell through a screen.
I don’t know why it even bothers me.
My dream will never come to fruition.
...
My friends suggested going to the beach.
i didn’t want to go. I tried to avoid it.
I don’t know why.
But then today I was thinking about the beach.
I had anohter nightmare last night,
So I was more prone to getting stuck in the past,
And you were there at the beach,
I kept seeing the memory.
Memories I guess.
You were stuck in my head.
And it made me anxious,
It made me wary.
I know that I need t...
I remember being in sixth grade, hearing that some girl named Hallie thought I was annoying.
Said I talked about mental health too much.
I can’t say I know why I did it.
I was anxious back then,
But it would still be another few months before I had my first break.
And after that first break,
I still talked a bit about it.
Not as much though.
Maybe I just wanted it to feel more normal.
And then th...
I’m on the path to a new diagnosis.
It’s bad to say but I hope I get it.
It wouldn’t change anything,
I just want an explanation,
A new path of treatment.
I’m glad to be better,
But I’m not one hundred percent.
It’s crazy to me that some people go through life not feeling that.
Am I getting crazier again?
Some things are better left unsaid.
I’m so OCD that I might have OCD.
I’ll wait to here what...
I know I’m just being paranoid,
But it’s been a full day,
No responses,
Not even to say “No, sorry”
And that’s not like them.
What happened at that party?
I wasn’t able to come.
Did something change?
Did they all come to the realisation that they hate me?
Is this how it ends?
So quick,
So suddenly?
What did I do?
Was it nothing,
Was it everything?
Is this the end?
How did we get here so fast?
I te...
You’re a drug.
You’re no fun.
We had fun some days,
Right as it starts.
But you’re a drug.
I tried to quit you several times.
I came back.
But now we’re done.
Now we’re done.
You were a drug.
You knew how to give me everything,
You knew how to take it away.
You fostered all of those games.
Now you’re out the door,
On your way.
You are poison,
Not just a drug.
I don’t know how you could be romant...
My friends chose me.
Isn’t that crazy?
Isn’t it crazy that they care for me?
Sometimes I can hardly believe it.
And they love me.
They don’t judge me.
Isn’t that kind of weird?
Suspicious?
It’s not.
That’s the crazy part.
I can be myself around them.
I can trust them.
And it’s sad that this is new for me,
That I haven’t known the feeling in a while.
But it’s not weird that I’m happy.
It’s not wei...
I think I need a new therapist.
Had this one for five years,
And it just isn’t cutting it.
Especially now that I’m on some ptsd shit,
And she tried to tell me,
That this person I’m blocking,
Didn’t deserve it?
That’s it too harsh, too mean?
I don’t give a fuck,
I’m doing this for me.
I don’t want these memories.
I won’t want this back in a year or two.
I want to move on from this.
I don’t need to ...