Her chest rises and falls slower then I’ve ever seen. Her heart rate is often high. She’s my bundle of anxiety. Her eyes do this thing when she calms down and she looks sleepy. She looks truly relaxed and trusts me.

She is known for not trusting others. She makes it quite clear to everyone that she puts up walls and will do anything to keep people on the other side of those walls.

“I like you” I whisper softly into the room, the room she shares with her roommate who has left for the weekend. How lucky I am to have this time with her, my lovely girl. I kiss her forehead, my hand placed gently on the back of her neck. I’ve done everything to keep her happy. Nobody will ruin what we have. Nobody will disturb her peace. I made sure of this.

She tell me about this boy who did unspeakable things to her. I’m not worried though because he’s already been taken care of. In a few months she won’t remember what his face looked like and in 6 months her brain will distort his voice and she’ll only know my voice.

I’ll keep her off her phone so she won’t be bothered with the news. It’ll be fine. Soon she’ll move in with me when she graduates. I’ll keep her safe and medicated. She’ll have no need for those stupid razors. She only needs me.

You can’t understand what this is like. It feels like getting ice cream with your favorite person at 10PM. It’s like nearly falling asleep in the pool on a hot day, protected by sunscreen so you have no worries. It’s like watching a late night movie knowing you have a great day coming tomorrow. You really can’t understand.

You can’t understand what it’s like to effortlessly do what it takes to protect her, to not have a second thought about ending the life of someone who hurts her. You don’t understand, you can’t! You can’t fucking understand because she’s _my_ world. She’ll be the end of my world if that’s what it takes. I’ll be the end of her world. She needs to be perfect, is that too much to ask? A fucking porcelain doll. It’s not that difficult.

If it doesn’t work out I can always drown her in the bathtub. That wasn’t too bad with Dani. I got all scratched up though. The bitch wouldn’t calm down. It’s more fun to use the lead pipe anyway. I won’t need to this time. This is going to work. She is going to work out and everything is going to be fine.