He struts into the restaurant, grinning at me like a proud grandpa

. But there’s a secret only we know, and I pay the price every day for it’s reveal. I am nobody. I am nothing. He’s the winner of my life. I’m the survivor of his horror.

The waitress brings our food. The steak I’m cutting into bleeds on the outside, just as much as I am on the inside. “So, I’m willing to pay 6,000 for your college fees. That should help you get away from that drunk mother of yours.” I smile weakly, gripping the wheels of my wheelchair like I am hanging on for dear life. I am as humble as a church mouse.

“Thanks papa. I appreciate your help.” He nods, smiling and writing the check. “ Well you’re handicapped, it’s not like you can go get a job.” He eyes me, and I know he’s thinking. “ I still own you.” “

“Just don’t go getting yourself pregnant. Guys will say whatever they need to to get some.” He chuckles, as if he’s the expert. “This is creepy but I’m the sick one, taking money from this fucker!” I scold myself. Survival tactic or laziness? Why. am. I. Doing. This.” But I have no answer. Just 6 grand in my hand.

He stands up from booth and scoops me into his arms. I’m frozen. As if swept up by a bear and praying it doesn’t eat me. “I love you, steph.” He purrs. I nod, dry mouthed, and light headed, I stare at the doors.

I want to be angry. I want to be fierce. Instead I’m a puddle. A church mouse. A nothing. And I’ll die with this burden. I’ll take this to my grave.