“Hey man thanks you’re the best,” he says. This strange mortal I met a few cycles ago would not leave me alone after I decided to grace him with my overwhelming intelligence. Apparently I ‘owe’ him for landing my starship on his petunias. Whatever that meant. He had me do his scribbles of problems. From analyzing human brains 90 jets close to me, I could determine that the scribbles were ridiculously easy. He called the scribbles of problems ‘homework’ and described it as ‘torture invented by demons called teachers’. I think I would like to meet these demons and try to find a better method of torture considering how laughably easy it was. This human is so… dumb.

“Seriously man, I don’t how I could have done it without you.” Wow his small brain can’t comprehend this..? That’s just tragic.

He swung his arms wide and raced towards me at lightning speeds. He arms grasped my middle and then he tightened his hold. Who does he think he is?! I just helped him with his homework and I’m being payed in ASSULT? Not on my planet.

Allowing my brainwaves to travel I send agony into his head. He let go instantly.

“Hey man! What gives? I thought we were chill?? Don’t tell me your gonna start taking over earth now?” His voice is loud but not yet yelling.

“You attacked me. Silly human thought I could be fooled by your stupidity!”

He starts laughing. My eyebrows crease. What is so hilarious to him?

In between breaths of laughter he replies, “Dude it’s just a hug! No need to be so alien!” That comment sends him laughing further. I can’t help the face I make.

“So this ‘hug’ is a human custom?” I tilt my head in deep thought. He nods. To fit the mold of human I must learn this custom.

“We shall try again! And you dumb human will teach me the ways of hug!”

“Yeah sure dude,” he laughs. “No problem!”