When I was a young girl happiness evaded me

A glimmer of hope from my mom as she celebrated even the hint of a smile formed on my lips

She saw the pain in my eyes when again I’d failed which I’m afraid was often.

I couldn’t integrate incoming information into memories

Happiness evades me

When I was a feisty teenager happiness evaded me

My mother held her head down when we were in close quarters

As the weight of her being unable to help me had settled in. And she felt a great pressure on her shoulders as if she were put in stocks and then yoked up into a team of oxen. I cried for her.

Happiness evades me.

When I was a crazy twenty something happiness evaded me

My mom and I had made peace

We were the best of friends the way we should be

I had made her proud imagine that

Happiness evades me

When I was a married woman happiness evades me

All full of hope optimism that was quickly dashed

My emotions were chasing me I’d have resign myself to that

And that meant a stream of healing rolling over the rocks of life

Happiness showed me glimpses of what could be it no longer evades me

When I became a mature woman happiness started to be available to me

I opened my heart and looked inside

I saw myself as I really was and what potential I possessed

No more self insecurity I was a beautiful and capable woman

Happiness no longer evaded me

Now that I am a senior soul happiness fulfilled me

I am no longer my worst enemy

I shared honestly and did the hard work

I felt a metamorphosis in my soul

Happiness filled me.

And now my life is coming to an end

I think of all the places I’d gone the people I’m had met

As I lay down and took my last breath

I vowed to take happiness to my next unearthly journey

Happiness saved me