I didn’t realize I was waiting for a day. Not until it sat down at my table for coffee. The months prior to the day had been a twisted turn of my emotional state. I was finding myself in a new place. The friends I had put my truth and meaning into are now miles upon miles away.

I did it to myself. The move to a new state. It wasn’t for self discovery or a new opportunity. I did it to be self dependent. Call it a curse. I see it as a blessing.

Now, here I am. No longer feeling lonely by my only presence. I write to my friends in my mind and call them when I can breath during hard times. Today has been easier. I got coffee by myself. Ordered on my own and picked something that I want.

Last night I had received a message from some dating app. I had downloaded to feel like I had progress in the love life I tried to hide from. I don’t know why I responded. Other than he was cute.

Now he sits across from me. Our conversation are limited and we know our time is short. He smiles with ease and has a childish gleam in his eyes. I don’t sense hope, but maybe a good time. I don’t have any regrets for inviting him along, but the past creeps up to try to pull me back. It compares this new beginning to the guy I had tried to mark gray in my mind.

This is different.

I try to remind myself. No one can be the same. Not even me.

He says he’s had a good time, “let’s do it again.” I can’t tell if I feel the same, but why not see what could happen. For all I know, this could be the day that I was waiting for.