“Maybe that’s why your brother killed himself”

The words were a punch to my gut. Suddenly I couldnt breath. Realization settled into Sam’s face. Holy shit.

“I- I didnt mean-“ Sam tried to explain himself

I couldnt respond. I opened my mouth, gasping for words like a fish out of water.

“Mark I didnt, I’m sorry-“

“Fuck off” I pushed him off as he tried to put a hand on my shoulder. Jesus christ I needed a drink.

“Mark! Mark, fuck, I’m sorry wait”

Sam grabbed my jacket as I tried to put it on. I whiped around quickly, scoffing.

“What the fuck do you want?”

Sam took a deep breath “I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry”

I reacted before I could think. Suddenly Sam was on the ground, cradling a broken nose while my knuckles stung.

“Dont talk about my brother!” Was I screaming? I couldnt hear myself, my heart was in my ears, but my throat felt like it was being torn apart “Dont you fucking talk about him! I make one mistake, and now you’re the judge? You married him for fucksake. Ian did his fucking best, and Jesus Christ! He waisted 10 years on you?”

I was shaking. I stared at Sam on the ground before shaking my head, walking out the door, the house trembling behind me.

I walked through the streets, numb. I forgot my jacket, but I couldn’t feel the cold anyways.

I didnt drink at Ian’s funeral.

I haven’t had a sip in four years.

Oh well.