Dear mom, I really hope you’re doing well. I really hope you know you put us kids through hell. That first line is a lie and I hope you can tell. I don’t think you ever really tried to get well. I remember going door to door to ask for food. Do you not realize asking a child to do that is fucking crude? Cashing out the food stamps just to snort your pills? Signed me out of sophomore year to ‘help’ you pay the fucking bills? The lights are cut off again, but hey, at least you got your thrills. The twins are playing in their shit again. They’ve been up all night, while you were steady snoring. Kinda hard to stay awake when you’re zombified from those narcotics? Honestly, I forgave you before you really apologized. If you aren’t sorry - you don’t deserve mercy. That’s a lesson that I have learned from life. If you were sorry, you’d wake up and fucking see the light. Or just keep lying to yourself And later pay the price. It’d be nice for him to have a grandma. 6 years later… I wonder if you even know his name. I really hope that that thought brings you immense shame. Maybe having that pain would be enough to make you change. I love you, but I won’t forgive you until you try to do better. If I do, I’d be pretending, and that won’t make things better. I know I’ll probably never send this letter. But I needed to write it down so I could heal better. Thank you, For nothing. Nothing made me strong.