Dear mom,

I really hope you’re doing well.

I really hope you know

you put us kids through hell.

That first line is a lie

and I hope you can tell.

I don’t think you ever

really tried to get well.

I remember going door to

door to ask for food.

Do you not realize asking

a child to do that is fucking crude?

Cashing out the food stamps

just to snort your pills?

Signed me out of sophomore year

to ‘help’ you pay the fucking bills?

The lights are cut off again,

but hey, at least you got your thrills.

The twins are playing in their shit again.

They’ve been up all night,

while you were steady snoring.

Kinda hard to stay awake when you’re zombified from those narcotics?

Honestly, I forgave you

before you really apologized.

If you aren’t sorry -

you don’t deserve mercy.

That’s a lesson that I have

learned from life.

If you were sorry,

you’d wake up and fucking see the light.

Or just keep lying to yourself

And later pay the price.

It’d be nice for him to have a grandma.

6 years later…

I wonder if you even know his name.

I really hope that that thought

brings you immense shame.

Maybe having that pain

would be enough to

make you change.

I love you,

but I won’t forgive you

until you try to do better.

If I do, I’d be pretending,

and that won’t make things better.

I know I’ll probably never send this letter.

But I needed to write it

down so I could heal better.

Thank you,

For nothing.

Nothing made me strong.