Sometimes I imagine myself floating, above everyone else. looking down on the world. And if i look close enough i can spot myself. Deep in routine, blending in. How could i see myself so differently from everyone else, if my steps down the street always follow behind someone else's? i see it as though only i have walked down that path before. But in following behind someone else's steps, i forgot who i was. i begin to see everything as fake, and separate from the rest. my mindset mangled. and my stomach heavy. it's been a year and those feeling haven't left. how could i ever be so stupid. the thought of that night makes my eyes teary, and my arms heavy. i become more aware of my head, and the gravity pulling me down. i begin to realize my breaths, and focus on them. suddenly i cannot breath, it feels as though I'm forcing the breaths from my lungs. and instead of using my eyes, i am now seeing through them. how could i be so stupid. one night now determines my future. my stride into the indefinite future is now hurt, pierced through the center. every step cracking the it closer to the edge until it cracks and i fall through. maybe sometimes i want to jump, and speed the process. but what good would that do? either way we all end up in the same place. it's just the ideas of what that place is that change peoples ideas around it. but how. how could i ever be so stupid?